Family Redefined

Sunday Mornings

2012-01-29T13:52:00.001-05:00

Sometimes Sunday mornings are difficult for me. I'm sure we have all been there - some of us more than others - but I would think that it is a problem not unknown to anyone. You wake up Sunday morning, and you REALLY don't want to get out of bed. It's been a long week and you just want to stay in, snuggled under the covers. I really think that Satan plays into this a lot - the bed just feels more comfortable on Sunday mornings, the air just seems a little "crisper" making you want to stay snuggled in, your head starts to hurt (or at least you think you can make it start to hurt, if you stay in bed long enough and then you will have a legitimate excuse not to get out of bed) - the last thing you want to do is get out of bed, get ready, and GO TO CHURCH.

Even when I feel like I'm committed to serving my Lord, I still feel this draw on Sunday mornings to not go to church. Even when I get up and go..sometimes it's forced - I go because I know I need to go, and when I get there, I'm blessed.

Today, something was different. I was up early and in the shower. I HATE, HATE, HATE rushing around on Sunday mornings getting everyone ready for church... it just adds to my bad attitude when I'd rather be in bed, or trying to tell myself that the headache I'm feeling coming on is really not a headache, but Satan keeping me at home. Today was different though..... I got up expecting something. I wasn't sure what, but I expected SOMETHING. I got up and got ready so I would not be rushed, marring my attitude of expectation.

I've grown to really love our church. It's not an instant "love" relationship for me with a church. Sure, I love the body of believers around me, I love the praise and worship music - but it takes me awhile to feel like I belong there. I finally feel like I belong. Cornerstone is "our" church now. I didn't know what I was "expecting" today - maybe some good preaching... our pastor was back from the Philippines and would be preaching today after being gone for two Sundays. Now the past two Sundays the preaching has been wonderful as well... so, I guess it wasn't that. Maybe I was just expecting to hear something encouraging. I definitely thought it was something that would benefit me - and it did - just not in the way I would have expected.

So, we get the kids in the car (all of them, including my semi-adopted son Christopher :) and head off to church. Since we were ready early, we didn't have to rush and were there early. We got our "normal" seats - we move around a bit, up a few rows or back a few, but are typically in the same general area - towards the front, middle section. We are always in that area. So, we get settled in our seats and the music starts - time to greet those around us. I don't usually like this time.... sounds like I'm not a "people person", I know, but it's not that - it's just extremely uncomfortable for me. The lights are still dim at this time, and I don't see the people around me well. They can be sitting there holding out their hand, and I completely miss it. Well today, I got up and boldly turned around (not like I was going to jump over the seat and tackle someone, but I typically don't "engage" others... I just wait for someone in front or beside me to shake hands). Again, it's not personal, it's just a difficult situation for me.

God had other plans for me today though, and turned me around. I shook hands with ONE - yes, ONE person today. And to that ONE person, my handshake meant something. It's amazing how God will turn your fears around, direct you, and use you to bless someone else when you had NO intention of doing it on your own.

So, I shook hands with this ONE person, and she introduced herself - her name was Cheryl. Don't ask me why, but I knew I would talk to her at the end of the service. In fact, I was kinda feeling uncomfortable about it all through the service, because while I knew I was going to talk to her, I didn't know what I would say.

So, the service ended. I gathered up my things, and as I went to say good-bye to her, she started talking before I could say anything (God must've known I had nothing to say, but blessed me in my obedience by having her open her mouth:) Anyway, Cheryl thanked me for greeting her this morning. It was their first visit to the church, and she said NO ONE ELSE had greeted them. Cheryl, her husband Mark and their children just moved to the area from Connecticut (one connection - I'll explain later) a month ago. I'm not sure how they found the church, but they decided to drive here this morning for the service. They commented on Anna and Sara (Cameron and Chris were not with us, they were in youth) and how Sara's eyes reminded them of their daughter. I told her how Sara was adopted (second connection) from Ethiopia and when we brought her home. As we chatted a bit, I explained to her how I was disappointed that I would not be in church the next few weeks to see them again, because I had to leave on Saturday to go to Florida to train with my new guide dog (third connection). So, here are the connections:

Connecticut - They are northerners!!! I love it when I hear a northern accent. Of-course they have the east coast accent, while I have the mid-west, but north is north and it was great to have some fellow Yankees in church! Plus, my mom and Denis are from Connecticut. I'll have to talk to them more about the area they moved here from.

Adoption - Cheryl and Mark have adopted children. They said that the little girl that they had fostered had eyes just like Sara Joy. At least one of their other children is adopted - I for the life of me can't remember which one.... maybe their two year old.

And the final connection - When I told Cheryl that I would not be at church for the next few weeks because I was going to Florida to get my guide dog, she got a smile on her face and said "Oh really". She said that her mother in law raised guide dogs! It sounded like she was a puppy raiser, but I'm not quite sure. Anyway, she said that her mother in law raised black lab puppies for Guiding Eyes. I'm not getting my dog through Guiding Eyes, but it was neat to have that connection.

I gave Cheryl my contact information and I really hope that she does indeed contact me. I really enjoyed talking to her.... in fact, we were talking so long that the next service started (with their greetings to one another - where I shook Cheryl's hand initially) while we were still standing there chatting. We had to scoot on out real quick.

Sometimes you don't know how God may use you. I don't know what would have happened if I would have had a "headache" or given into the temptation of staying snuggled under the covers, but I'm glad I'll never find out. It blessed me to see that God can use me to encourage others, even when I don't even know I'm being used... and in the meantime, He is planning a great blessing for me. God could have used anyone in that church to shake her hand and make Cheryl feel welcome - instead He used me. He took me out of my comfort zone - I don't do well "chatting" with strangers - and planned this great introduction between two people, who at first glance, have a whole lot in common. God does things like that :)

So, next time you (or I) are tempted to stay in bed on a Sunday morning rather than head on out to church - take a minute to think about what you might be missing.... you might be missing a blessing God has in store for you, and you also might miss being used by God to bless someone else.

In Christ,
Charity

Sneak peek - Father / Daughter Dance

2012-01-27T15:26:00.000-05:00

Every father should have the honor of taking his daughter to a father / daughter dance! I really, firmly believe that. It gives the dad/daughter pair time to spend some quality time together - just the dads and daughters, and it gives dads the opportunity to really dote on their daughters. They get to get dressed up, buy them a corsage, take them to dinner then off to the dance....where I'm sure the dads have a SPLENDID time dancing to Justin Bieber, Brittney Spears or whoever they dance to these days :)

Tim and Anna are going to a father / daughter dance next week that is being hosted by our church. If you follow me on F@cebook you know that I love our church - the preaching is great, the Journey groups are wonderful, the fellowship is excellent - and they do stuff like this to foster family - and continue to build relationships within the church... because I'm guessing those dads will have plenty of time to chat while their daughters are hitting the dance floor :)

Anyway, since Tim and Anna are attending this event, we decided she needed to be able to pick a new dress. Now, Anna is 8, so her taste in attire is starting to mature. She's not about frilly dresses, she likes the more grown up things. Finding a dress for her is difficult. She is so thin, that many dresses just HANG on her. Also, the cut of the dress can't be too low - even fairly high-cut necklines end up looking low cut on Anna because she really is so thin. So, we took her dress shopping last weekend to find a dress that she loved and that met our criteria for modesty. Many of the dresses out there for girls her age seem more appropriate for a 20 year old than an 8 year old. Anyway - she found the dress that she loved. So, we decided to get it. As we were checking out, I noticed something - the trim on the dress is BROWN. I originally thought it was black. So, I asked Tim - is that BROWN??? Yes, indeed, it was.

Well, Anna wanted this dress so I was bound and determined to work with it. I didn't know what shoes she was going to wear with it. I began to get immediately frustrated. We looked for brown shoes and we couldn't find any.... seriously, does NO ONE make brown shoes for little girls anymore? Everything that we could find was black - even in a boot.

So, my mom and I were going shopping this week and I made it my mission to find her a pair of brown shoes. After exhausting nearly all of our options, we FINALLY found a pair of brown shoes that were nice. So... here is a sneak peek of the dress that will be worn to the dance. My Ms. Anna Clare will look beautiful in it, and I can't wait to share pictures of their big night out!

the front

the back

the beautiful, colorful pattern

I remember when she was wearing little sun dresses and mary jane shoes - now she is growing up so fast. I love the color on her and I love the asymmetrical cut of the bottom..... can't wait to share pictures of their actual night out!

In Christ,

Charity

IB Program and "Homeschooling"

2012-01-25T16:18:00.000-05:00

There are a LOT of changes going on in the Roach household. It started about 5 months ago with me staying home from work. I can't believe it's been five months already. I didn't feel "settled" for awhile, because I didn't know if my long term disability would be approved and if I'd be home for good. Now that I know that I'm home for good, I'm starting to get settled into a routine, and now that I've started to get settled into a routine, I've decided to change it up a bit.

Let me start with the IB program first - Cameron and Anna go to a private, Christian school. They go there because I wanted them to have a Christ-centered education as well as a challenging curriculum. It has been just that for Cameron since he was in 5K, and it has been that for Anna since she was in 3K. I have been very pleased with their education. This year though, I've been noticing that Cameron needs a bit more of a challenge. He is getting straight A's (without hardly any effort at all) and needs to be further challenged. So, we started looking into the IB program. The IB program is the International Baccalaureate Diploma program. It's a highly regarding, very challenging college prep program. We have all of Cameron's documentation together and are attending the informational meeting this week. I'm thinking that it will be something that we will seriously consider for Cameron. He has already written his essay for the application and I guess we will see how it all goes. He is looking forward to the challenge. I don't think the program is for everyone. I think you have to look at the needs of your kids on a case by case basis, but for kids that need a challenge, I think it is a great opportunity for those kids to meet their full potential.

I'm kind of torn knowing that I will be moving Cameron (potentially) from the school he has attended for the past 8 years. I'm also torn knowing that the biblical based education will not be part of his studies. No more bible studies, no more verse memorization... but for Cameron, I truly believe the pros outweigh the cons or else we would not be considering it. On the other hand, it's kind of exciting. I think it's a great opportunity for Cameron and I'll be happy to see him challenged in this program. Also, his best friend (and a kid I call my own son) is going to the program as well. Cameron and Chris are two peas in a pod - smart, funny, sarcastic, witty and the BEST of friends. They spend pretty much every weekend at each other's house... I joke with Christopher's parents asking them who has custody of the kids for the upcoming weekend (this weekend is mine - YAY!!! Love having Christopher over!). I would really hate to have these kids separated. They are such close friends - and they will be able to encourage one another through the program! We haven't made a final decision on the program - also, Cameron will have to be accepted into it, but it's something that we are strongly considering.

Homeschooling - OK, so I'm not really a "homeschooling" mom. My daughter Sara is only 2 1/2. As for Anna, there is no way I would take Anna out of the school that she is in. But, as part of my changing up my daily schedule, I decided Sara would have "school" everyday. The best part of our "school" is that we don't have to have it if we don't want to. But, I decided that I wanted to make good use of our time together and give her a bit of a head start for when we decide to enroll her in actual school. So, for now our "school" will consist of coloring (where we will learn colors), puzzles (wooden puzzles which will not only develop her spatial orientation skills, but will teach her farm animals as this is what the puzzle is), we have a "bible stories" coloring book so we will be able to talk about bible characters as she colors, I bought flashcards to learn letters and letter sounds, flashcards to learn numbers and counting. We even bought a "treasure box" that I decorated with stickers to make it look somewhat interesting that she will get to pick a prize from when she has good days. We're looking forward to starting "school" at home.

Cameron said it's not school because I don't have a curriculum, but I say any environment where you are "learning" can be school. We have a book of zoo animals, so maybe once we get those mastered, we can have dad take a day off of work so we can have a "field trip" and go to the zoo.

I give home schooling moms a TON of credit. I really don't think that I could do it. I don't know that I have enough patience. When I'm explaining something and it makes complete sense to me the way I'm explaining it, it gets me frustrated when I can't get the idea across to the kids. Not the best attribute for a "home schooling" mom. So to all of the home schooling moms out there, who have all the patience in the world - I give you a ton of credit. To have such patience with your kids is absolutely wonderful. I think I can do it at this age (2) but I'm sure I won't be a long-term home schooling mom. For now though, I think I'm going to enjoy our "school" time:) We will officially start our school tomorrow - maybe I'll even get a picture of our first day of school!

Bragging on my son...

2012-01-22T20:34:00.000-05:00

I don't do it often, and I think he would KILL me if he knew I was doing it at all, but I just HAVE to brag a bit on my son today. Cameron's 12... if any of you have a kid - a son at least - that is 12, you may know, just by my writing those two words "Cameron's 12" that things can be difficult at times at our home. Not every kid hits it at the same age, and some are better than others, I'm sure..... but I think every kid eventually makes it to the "Cameron's 12" stage. If you have a kid this age - or if you HAD a kid this age, you know the stage. The kids sound something like this:

They know everything and you know nothing.
They are experiencing things that you could have never experienced before.
You wouldn't understand mom, because things were so much different back then.
All you care about is me cleaning my room (or any other thing, just fill in the blank), you don't care about me.
Why do I have to do everything?

Reality is more along the lines of: I love my kid to death, seriously, I do.... but lately, I've kinda been leaving him alone. When I see a glimmer of a normal, loving human being, I cling to him like there's no tomorrow. I really want to be around him then - but that moment (and literally, it's just a moment) soon passes and he is grouchy again. At that point, I back away and wait for the grouch to leave again (for that fleeting moment). We have had HOUR long discussions (which sometimes get heated, I'll admit it) about being respectful and having to do what Tim and I tell him to do. If I ask for help with something, even the slightest thing - ugghhh..... it's like I asked him to clean a sewer or something.

We've had talks about his attitude, but it didn't seem to get through..... until today.

I have NO IDEA what happened today, but I. DON'T. CARE!!!! If an alien took over my son's body - that is fine. The alien can stay. If he fell down the stairs and somehow knocked himself silly - please don't fix him. I LOVE the kid that was at my house ALL. DAY. TODAY.

Obviously I'm writing this, because it's something amazingly new at our home. If this were how life looked everyday, then I would have nothing to write about - but something great happened today. I got the kid back that I have always loved. I can remember when he was younger (before this hideousness of being a pre-teen hit) and I would be so happy with how he would help me and be so kind. Then the pre-teens hit.. I wondered if I would EVER see that loving child again. He appeared at my home today.

When we came home from church, he asked how he could help me out. Seriously? Really? He said yes. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that last night we were talking about contracts, and he wanted us to write up a contract regarding his allowance. I said sure.... the way I looked at it, it was more of a benefit for me than for him, and I actually explained that to him. We would write out the terms of the contract and if he didn't meet the terms of the contract, then he wouldn't get his allowance. He was fine with that. Somehow he thought this was protecting HIM (not sure why - he's always gotten his allowance, even without a "contract") but whatever. Write it up! I told him Tim and I would have to agree to the conditions of the contract and he said that was fine. So, he got to working on the contract, even putting in there how long his allowance at the current rate was effective (until the contract was renegotiated). Tim asked him when he would be asking for a raise. He said "I can ask for a raise?" Sure, you can ask for a raise. As soon as we see your responsibilities increase and you maintain that increased level of responsibility for awhile.

So, back to getting home from church - he asked if I wanted him to clean the upstairs bathrooms (two full baths). Sure!!! I asked him if he knew what he needed to do, and he said he did. To be sure, I asked him to tell me everything that he would be doing - sure enough, he knew what needed to be done. So, up he went and cleaned his bathroom. Before he could get the second bathroom done, we ran out and did some shopping. He came with us and didn't complain about anything (we were looking for a dress and shoes for Anna - which would normally bring about complaints of boredom). Even when we had to run to a second store, he didn't say a word. When we got home, he said he was going up to clean the second bathroom. EXCELLENT!!!

After that, I was down in the den folding clothes and getting ready to iron the kids' uniforms for school. Cameron asked if he could help. Ummmmm.... sure.... He said he would fold all of his stuff. He separated the school clothes from the every day clothes and put his everyday clothes away, leaving school clothes for me to iron. He folded TWO laundry baskets worth of clothes and put them away - some of them weren't even HIS!!!

So, I started ironing and he finished up his homework - he did it in the den by me (which he NEVER does, it's always done in his room...). When he was finished, he asked if he could iron a shirt. Yep, sure can. He wasn't real thrilled with doing that, which was fine with me, I really didn't want him doing it anyway, so he moved on. He asked what else I needed to have done. I asked if his room was clean and he said it was - but he was going to go up and check. He came down carrying a sweatshirt that was too small for him and asked what to do with it. This means that he actually looked to see if anything needed to be tidied up :O) I went up to his room later and it was actually really clean!!!

Right before dinner, the garbage needed to be taken out. Cameron jumped up and said that he would do it. SERIOUSLY??? But, he did! Took the bag out to the outside garbage bin AND put a new bag in the garbage can! He was even getting along with his sisters well today.

Maybe this is just a fleeting moment - or maybe I can find a way to keep this kid around. I did tell him that if he kept up this level of helpfulness, I would have a hard time telling him no when he wanted something or wanted to go somewhere. I know, I know, it sounds kinda like a bribe... and it is... but I'm ok with that. At this point, whatever works to keep this kid around, I'm willing to do it :)

When the "pre-teen, raging hormone, argumentative, moody" kid comes back, I probably won't post about it. I'll let you all think that my perfect child has remained with us.... in the meantime I'll read this blog post over and over and pray that this child comes back - or that the alien that took over his body, takes it over again!

Love you to death Cameron! Thanks for being so helpful today - even when you're the "pre-teen, raging hormone, argumentative, moody" kid, I still love you to death!

I just had to write this so I'd remember this wonderful day!

In Christ,
Charity

Full Confidence

2012-01-16T08:56:00.000-05:00

Proverbs 31: 10-11
A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.

I've been sharing with some of my friends this desire of mine to study the "Proverbs 31" wife... the "Wife of Noble Character". I get many of the same responses as I had initially - That woman is SUPER WOMAN... I couldn't be her if I tried. After reading it, I know that I am NOT her. Not. even. close! I think that God wants me to consider what I CAN be, based on the description of this "woman" - who again, I don't think is ONE woman, but characteristics of a woman who would make a good wife. The wife of noble character doesn't have to have all of these characteristics - although some I think are required, like the one I am focusing on this week - but not all of them. There are some things that are described that women today just don't do. We don't buy a field and plant it. We don't make our own linens and sell sashes - but we do some equivalent things, and I guess I will consider those as I get to them. But this week, I focused in on the word "confidence". Not just confidence, but FULL confidence. I started just by looking this word up in the dictionary, and I got this definition:

full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliabilityof a person or thing: We have every confidence in their ability to succeed.

I feel like my husband has confidence in me, considers me trustworthy. I just sent him an e-mail to work though, with the definition from above and we'll see if my "feeling" is accurate. I'll let you know what he says - seriously, I will. If I want to be the wife that God wants me to be, I need to be honest with myself, and my opinion of my abilities really doesn't matter. It's a matter of what my husband thinks and if I'm striving to meet God's standard.

When he tells me something, and asks me not to repeat it, I don't. Or, if I feel like I need to tell someone what he has told me, I ask him first if I can. But "full confidence" is much more than that.

"full trust" - does my husband trust me. With EVERYTHING. That, I'm not so sure about. I think that he trusts me to be true to my word. But does he TRUST me with everything - I doubt it. There are a couple areas of life that we have a difference of opinion on - well really, only one. And it's not that we really even have a difference of opinion, we just have a different perspective. I have a hard time talking about this one particular area - why? Because I think I'm right, of-course (I know, it's a pride issue). So, since we have a hard time talking about it, we tend to avoid the subject - which I guess is fine. It's not something that we have to talk about on a regular basis - but when something comes up where he might like to talk about it, I don't think that he feels that he can. In fact, I KNOW he doesn't feel as though he can. We've even talked about that before. Rather than go into the full details about this one area, let's just say, it's a matter of opinion, and my husband should be able to state his feelings / opinion to me, without me getting all defensive. It's an area where I can learn to improve.

Ok, so Tim just responded to my e-mail. He said yes, he has full confidence in me, that I'm reliable and trustworthy. I guess off the top of his head, that is good enough. He is not a man of many words :)

My trustworthiness needs to go beyond my relationship with my husband though - or else it's not my TRUE character. Do my friends consider me trustworthy? Does my husband think I gossip? Do my children trust me with their feelings? When I make a commitment, do I keep it (I think that would be more about reliability, but still the question fits).

I have recently encountered a pretty difficult situation with work. I'm out on medical leave, but still, I'm caught up in the middle of it all. It is a very emotional situation for me, and I get very upset about certain things that have taken place. There are people at the center of the situation that I disagree with. When I'm around people from work, I tend to talk about it. And I don't speak highly of the people who contributed to the situation. I feel as though I gossip. I've felt convicted about it, and I'm working on it. The fact that it's an emotional situation where the stakes are high, a very stressful situation doesn't give me an excuse to gossip - and I have been using it as an excuse to gossip. I truthfully think God used this situation to point this out in me. I've found myself an accountability partner (one from work, who I normally talk about the work situation with - so she would know when I'm falling into this habit) and told her about my struggle and asked her to help me with it. I need to learn to do better. Speaking the truth is one thing, but sharing information above and beyond that is gossip. It, in my mind, would make me not trustworthy to my friends.

Reliable. I think most people you talk to, who know me, will tell you that I'm reliable. If I say I'm going to do something, then I do it. If I make a verbal commitment, then I follow through. If I tell Tim I'll do something, that I'll take care of something, then I do. Sure, there are times that I forget, but that I don't think makes me unreliable.... because I think that is the exception rather than the norm. Everyone forgets at times. I have always considered "reliability" as an important personal characteristic. If you are unreliable - you are not being considerate of others. You are putting yourself before others, being inconsiderate of their time, or their needs. To be unreliable means, in my opinion, that you have turned the focus onto yourself. Reliability is really about others... the expectations you have given others about yourself. It's not just in terms of commitment, but in terms of character. Is my character reliable? Is it consistent. Do I say one thing and then do another? If so, I"m not reliable. Do I make commitments with others and then not follow thru? Do I over commit so I CAN'T follow through? If so, I'm not reliable. I think this is one area where I can say yes, I am doing well in this area. Could I do better? Sure, but I think I've worked hard to have others consider me reliable. My husband considers me reliable, I would guess that my friends and family do as well. Again, things come up, but they are the exception and not the rule when I have to fall back on a commitment.

I think I'm going to enjoy my walk with the Proverbs 31 woman. I think taking apart the verses and then pondering on one area a week is a good thing.... not too much to chew on, and not too much to beat myself up about. What I think I will find is that I'm good at some things, really bad at others, and some areas just need improvement. I guess it's not really "beating yourself up" about it, if you are just discovering the truth of the word and doing an honest assessment against it.

In Christ,
Charity

Recipes and Proverbs 31

2012-01-14T19:36:00.001-05:00

So, some friends and I were on F@cebook the other day. The discussion started around menus.... what was everyone fixing for their family for the week. Sometimes, it's hard to come up with different options for your family, and as hard as you try, you can't think of new things on your own... so you stay with the tried and true (aka - eventually boring!). So, Rebekka posted her menu plan for the week. We all chimed in and started talking about how we need to share our menu plans so we can all have new ideas to share with our family. Then came the idea that not only do we need to share our menu plans, but obviously if there is something on there that we like, we will want to know how to make it, so we will need to share our recipes too. I was ALL about that. So, I asked if we could start a blog - AND WE DID.

Rebekka set up the blog (I had volunteered to, but didn't know how to set it up where multiple people could be contributors - she did - THANKS REBEKKA) and named it Proverbs 31 Cook . What a great name - I mean, ideally, isn't the Proverbs woman what we all want to be? What we all should aim to achieve?

We just set up the blog, but there are already a bunch of recipes on there, and I'm hoping the catalog of recipes becomes HUGE. I dream of holidays where we all put our favorite cookie recipes on there, or treats for hot summer days... whatever - just a place where we can all meet, share and provide a larger variety of good, home cooked meals for our families.

But then I got to thinking.... for me at least, maybe it should be more than just a blog - more than just a place where I can go get recipes for my family. I felt convicted that for me, it needed to be something more. So, I opened up Proverbs 31 - and read the section on "The Wife of Noble Character". Ok - this woman does EVERYTHING!!! She has like 120 hours in a day, she cooks, cleans, sews, sells, serves others, grows her own food, does the laundry, mends clothes, makes comforters, knits, takes care of her children - oh yeah, and about her children - they arise and call her blesses and they praise her - her husband also.

Now mind you, I'm not mocking the bible. NOT. AT. ALL! I don't think that what the bible was writing about with regard to this Wife of Noble Character - was something that this wife does every day. One woman may not even do all of these things. I think that this is just something that women should strive to do. Maybe they can't master everything, but women can master not being idle. And when you master not having idle hands, then you learn so much more about what you CAN do!

So, what started out as a way to share recipes and menu planning has now become a personal bible study for me. I'm going to delve into the qualities of this "Woman of Noble Character" and see what can be done, in my life, to make me just a bit more like her. I know I can't do it all, but there are changes that I CAN make and as I slowly take apart the traits of this woman, I may learn something about myself that needs to be changed.

So, that being said - if you are offended by the idea of how women are portrayed in the bible, then you might not like my posts for awhile, because I'm going to start writing weekly about what I have learned about this woman. I'm going to make changes in my life, where necessary, to achieve more of what GOD wants me to look like, rather than what I or the WORLD want me to look like. Some look at the woman portrayed in this passage as "domesticated". She is pretty much a servant to her family. I don't think this is the case at all. She is a CRITICAL part of the success of her family, of the stability of her family. She is a woman with many talents. It will be interesting to see how God prompts me to change my life, my habits through this study.

I'll start on Monday - the first verse I'll be looking at (and I'll just take them apart, in order, in chunks that are good for me to swallow) is as follows:

Proverbs 31: 10-11
A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.

That will be the verses that I will meditate on this week. I'm sure I'll have plenty to say about it and plenty of examples of how I can modify my ways to greater glorify God through what I do in my home!

In Christ,
Charity

A new year, a new JOURNEY

2012-01-05T08:02:00.000-05:00

Before you start to get your hopes up and let your mind wander as to what type of JOURNEY we are on.... I'll just clear the air right now. It's not another adoption journey (not as of yet anyway.... :)

I wanted to share with you all (the few faithful followers that I have) the new JOURNEY we are on. It's a Christ-centered, relationship-building, experience-sharing, unity-forming, friendship-developing, family-resembling, wisdom-seeking, growth-encouraging group of people, assembled together, each Wednesday night - to JOURNEY through life together - with a few simple goals in mind... focusing on Christ, ministering to each other and ministering to our community. It's a new group and I'm so excited that Tim and I are a part of it.

We joined this "small group" or "Journey group" through our church. We have been in and out of this church for quite some time, but have not found ourselves "planted" there. It is a big church and it's easy to get in and get out - unless you have a reason to stick around. I've developed a relationship outside of the church with a mom of one of Cameron's friends. Her husband leads our Journey group. We decided on the Journey group as a way to be "planted".

The Journey Group is a new concept to this church. Basically, it's this. It's seven defined couples, who meet together weekly (the couples never change), hopefully develop trust and friendships amongst one another and we meet each Wednesday to discuss the message from the previous Sunday, touch base mid-week, do some application, and finally for fellowship (and of-course, some good food). Besides growing in God's word, the goal of these groups is to really develop a "family" within the church... a small group of people who you can really get to know, share with and rely on.

How many people can you call at 3:00 in the morning, because you have a prayer need that is really bothering you and you need someone to talk to, or to just pray with/for you? Maybe you find yourself in the midst of some temptation that is going to take you off of that straight and narrow road, and you need someone you can trust to talk to... someone who has taken the time to get to know you, who you know CARES about you, and who you know will pray for you. Your Journey family is that group of people who you know you can call in the middle of the night. Sure, in a real emergency, I guess you can talk to the pastor, give him a call - but maybe you want to call a FRIEND... or maybe your concern is not "pastor-necessary" just "faithful friend" necessary. You call your Journey family.

It was day 1 of our Journey group today and I really don't think I've ever felt more at home. Now, mind you - there were five at least partial couples (some "better halves" were missing from a few groups due to illness) that I had never met before in my life. I've probably never even seen them at church - and somehow, instantly, I felt comfortable in this group of people. They are all distinctly different people. Some have small children, some have grown children, some have grandchildren - but they were all there for one purpose and one purpose only - to meet, and to establish relationships to unify the body of Christ.

I personally have a hard time establishing relationships in a large, group setting. Having this small group meeting, at someone's house, with seven couples that NEVER change, is perfect for me. When I was first learning about these Journey groups, they were described to me as "life groups"... a group of people you journey through life with - people you can share the ups and downs with, people who you will be comfortable when they, as Christians, walk through the valley with you in times of need, and who stand on the mountain top with you when you celebrate life's victories! I'm really looking forward to learning more about each of the couples in our group, getting to know their families, ministering to each of them and sharing God's Word with them!

If I've learned one thing recently, it's that God speaks to people differently through His Word, and that you can learn something from each application that someone shares with you. Something you never thought of, becomes clear through sharing God's Word with a friend. With 14 friends, the applications are endless!

I'm really looking forward to what God is going to reveal to me through this group! Looking forward to all 2012 has to offer and seeing where this "Journey" will take us!

In Christ,
Charity

Reality Hurts

2011-12-20T22:36:00.001-05:00

We were standing in the kitchen this evening, talking about our day, Christmas shopping, things to do tomorrow... and I started talking about Ethiopia. I'm thinking about going with a friend on a mission trip in June. She is going to help train nurses there... I'd just be going to love on the little ones in the orphanage. I'm thinking about taking Sara with me. Anna was standing there eating ice cream, and I asked her if she wanted to go with me. She said 'Yeah, sure". I asked her what she would do while she was there. She didn't know. I asked her if she would want to play with the kids in the orphanage - and she said yeah.

I want my kids to understand that what they have, is not what most people have. I told her how the kids in the orphanage might not look that cute, or be too clean. Their clothes might not match and they might not smell the best.....but they are kids and they just want people to play with them.

Then it happened - my eight year old daughter said "kids in the orphanage are like that". I stopped listening at the word "orphanage". My stomach hurt and I instantly wanted to puke. Hearing that word come out of her mouth - I think for the very first time - nearly killed me. My eyes teared up instantly. She was there... she was one of them.

She wore mismatched clothes. She didn't smell good. Her hair - well... there wasn't much of it... they had given her a buzz cut. She was an orphan. It's strange how you forget that. It's strange how you can't imagine your child starting her life in that environment. You reject the thought. Every molecule of me knows that she did start there - but every molecule of me forgets it as well.

She is not an orphan....

She is my daughter.....

She was one piece of paper away from not being mine. She was one decision away from not having a family. I guess she could have gone to another family - except that God had her planned for mine. What if I had not gone? What if I had decided on another country? What if.....

I'm not sure why it hit me so hard today. I guess because she said that word. She shouldn't have to say that word "orphan". She shouldn't have to understand what it means. She should not have to think about the fact that she was there. She should not have to wonder - as I'm sure she someday will - what if.....?

What if my mom didn't come?

What if I was older and no one wanted me?

What if I was still there?

It's a part of adoption that you don't really think about in the beginning. In the beginning you think about the great need for children to have a family. You think about the child you will be adding to your home. You even think about your fears as to whether or not this child will fit into your family - then all your fears are removed when that child is placed into your arms.... but you don't think about 7 years down the road - when your daughter is eating ice cream in the kitchen and she says that word. You don't think about how it will make you feel - sick to your stomach. You can't even begin to imagine how she must feel - starting to understand what it all means.

I wanted to take my children with me to Ethiopia to get a better understanding of what they have here at home. I wanted them to appreciate more, become more compassionate for those who have less - much less....

But do I really want Anna to see the truth of what was? Part of me wants to shield her from it. She was so young when she was adopted - she doesn't remember her life in China. While the orphanages in Ethiopia are not the same, there are things about an orphanage that are always similar - and the desperate need of each child is certainly similar....Do I want her to see that? I'm conflicted.

I wish I never had to hear that word come out of her mouth. It's an easier word to say, when you are not staring an orphan in the face. Orphans are far away. You can't touch them - not from here anyway. You don't have to see their faces - not in real life anyway.... it's easier that way.

I know that my Anna is not an orphan. Neither is my Sara. But she WAS. They both were. And that is hard to swallow when you are their mom. When you forget that, even though they couldn't look less like you, you didn't give birth to them. And seriously, sometimes I forget. I don't look at my children and think "rescued orphan"... I look at my children and think - they are my children... and sometimes when reality sets in, when I'm reminded of their past - it hurts. Reality hurts. Not for me. Their past does not hurt me.... but I hurt for them... for what I know they will some day feel...for the questions they will someday have that I, unfortunately, won't be able to answer...And knowing that a hug won't fix it. All I can pray for them, is that God heals their broken hearts. That God miraculously fills that empty space for them....

I can't bring home every orphan. I wish I could - but I can't. So, what can I do? Will going back over there, and loving on some kids, playing with the older ones, taking them clothes, toothbrushes, toys... will any of it make a difference? Will they remember that someone cared - or will they just see me as another person that came and went... someone who brought them something, but who didn't rescue them.... once again left behind... forgotten.

Their eyes are so desperate. They LONG for attention. Some climb all over you and entertain you just so you will interact with them... others seem to have given up... they have seen enough people come and go that they have learned that all of their entertaining and smiles don't matter - I'm just going to leave anyway - and leave them there - where they are.....

I wish everyone could, just once, see the faces of these children, not on TV, but in real life - close enough to touch- see how little they live with, and see how little they complain. Their clothes don't match. Their shoes don't fit. They eat the same thing day after day. They don't get a bath. They don't get their teeth brushed. They share a bed. Nothing is their own. No mom. No dad. No bedtime story....

And yet they don't complain.

They smile.

I can only attribute it to God watching over them. God being in that place with them. Nothing else makes any sense.

Tonight, I'm praying for the orphan. Each and every one of them - wherever they might be. May God bring a family to them. Keep them safe until their family comes. They are all beautiful treasures - children of God.

In Christ,
Charity

Jealousy and Pride

2011-11-23T07:14:00.000-05:00

I'm working through my daily bible study with my friend... it's always good to do a bible study with a friend, because some days you will have good, thought provoking days and the other person won't, and vice versa. Well, my bible study partner carries the load most of the time, and I'm very thankful every day for her insight. I've been working harder at trying to get more out of my bible studies and sharing my thoughts with her though... because I think God has different things to share from His Word with both of us, and when we share it with each other, it's like double the blessing.

So, another friend of mine, (who I'm not doing the bible study with), felt compelled to get me a new bible. A NIV application bible. I'm a KJV person - I guess just because that's what I was reading when I became a Christian.... I've always though I should try something different, but never left the KJV because I almost felt like I was "betraying" something or someone by moving to another version. Well, I'm LOVING my NIV bible and the application part is really helpful in getting you to think deeper about what you have read. I still have my KJV and will probably always use it, side by side, with my NIV.

Anyway, my friend and I had gotten through the three "little Johns" and she asked me where I would like to go next... well, since it's that time of the year, I decided, we should stick with the new testament and cover the Christmas story. We decided on Luke. So, we are in Luke 1 right now. We break it up into small segments - share our thoughts each morning and continue this throughout the week.

The past couple of days we have been reading about Mary and Elizabeth... Elizabeth expecting a child after being barren for so many years, and beyond normal child bearing age. How the angel Gabriel came to her husband and told him she would bear a child. And Mary - unwed, virgin mother. Two unlikely candidates to be expecting....

Do you realize how much more you can get out of the Christmas story, than the magnificent story that it is in and of itself??? There is so much more to be told. Today, I learned about Jealousy and Pride.

Jealousy - Look at the situation from the standpoint of Elizabeth.... Elizabeth was expecting a child, and was further along than Mary. The Holy Spirit told Elizabeth that Mary would be carrying the Messiah, the Son of God... and not only that, but people would called her Blessed! Then, Mary saunters into Elizabeth's house (ok, Mary probably didn't "saunter", but I'm telling the story how I might have seen it from Elizabeth's perspective). Elizabeth's baby (which turns out to be a son), jumps for joy in her womb at the presence of Mary and the Son of God.... So, you are Elizabeth... FINALLY expecting a child - a son nonetheless, and in walks Mary. You are upstaged by Mary. Oh how wonderful Mary is with her "special" child... the Son of God.... Mary... how Blessed she is. If you were Elizabeth, you might think "What makes her kid so much more special than mine - I mean, mine's a miracle too, right?" "God sent an ANGEL down to tell my hubby about my baby". "And then along comes Mary - stealing my thunder". Elizabeth COULD have though that - but Elizabeth was much smarter!

Instead Elizabeth responded with Joy - rather than Jealousy at what God had done in Mary's life.. responded with elation about the baby that was to be the Messiah - the baby that IS the Messiah, the Son of God. She called Mary blessed - because Mary was blessed. The fact that Mary was blessed did not take away from the wonderful news of the upcoming birth of Elizabeth's child. Elizabeth was smart enough to know this. Elizabeth did not display jealousy at the circumstances in Mary's life - that may seemingly overshadow hers - she was simply happy for what God was doing in Mary's life. How God was using Mary for such a wonderful purpose. When I look upon the circumstances that God has purposed in my life, I need to respond more like an "Elizabeth". The plan for my life is the one God gave me for MY life... it's different than the plan He has for someone else's life and it's important for me to understand that, accept that, and yes, even celebrate that. I need to find Joy in what God is doing in the lives of my brothers and sisters in Christ - rather than being Jealous about what God is doing in their life.

Pride - Mary said "People will call me blessed". Was she being prideful? Was she taking the glory of what God was doing in her life and turning it onto herself? No. She was not being prideful - she was simply accepting what God was doing in her life. She was excited and sharing what God was doing, with others. When God works in your life, and blesses you though, it can easily turn to pride... Mary could have said "I must be special". "I must be so much better than you, because LOOK at how God is using me". "God must have HUGE plans for me". When God gives us a blessing, we can accept it, or turn it into something about ourselves, which then becomes pride.

I am at a place in my life right now, where God has blessed me. It's not because I'm special, or more worthy than others... it's simply because it's what God had planned for my life. My blessings come with heartache to me - as I'm sure Mary's did. Look at the HUGE blessing Mary had - but she could have turned it away because of all of the negative that came with it - the ridicule, the criticizing looks (for those who didn't believe she was carrying the Messiah, she was just a pregnant, unwed mother). I'm sure it was a hardship on her whole family... her husband-to-be included.

I've seen God work some things out for me as of late, that in my opinion are really only a God thing... God has taken care of things that I could not have taken care of on my own - and through the process, is working some things out in me. To better me, to make my walk with Him closer. It's not because I'm "special" that God has blessed me, it's because I'm HIS. My blessings do come with some heartache - but when I stop and think about it, I would have had the heartache with or without the blessings. Some things we just have to work our way through.... but I am VERY thankful that I'm able to work through those things with the blessings God has provided during this time of my life. I think with accepting the blessings God has provided, there comes a responsibility. A responsibility to be thankful to the one who provided them for me - remembering to give thanks. Also, to share those blessings with others.... maybe not the exact blessings that God has provided, but share the story with others and to somehow make a difference in the lives of others, maybe as a result of the blessings I've been given.

I guess it's appropriate that tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I have so very much to be thankful for. Maybe I will share that in tomorrow's post though....

On another note - the Christmas decorations made their debut yesterday... have to finish that up today and get the house in order for family coming over tomorrow for Thanksgiving. Then Friday a friend and I have decided to venture out for some Black Friday shopping!!! I'm actually looking forward to it. Normally I would stay away from the stores at this time, but I have nothing particular that I HAVE to get, and neither really does she. We just get some nice time together and if it gets too crowded - we'll leave and go get a cup of coffee or lunch together! I'm just happy to be spending time with a great friend....and maybe find some bargains along the way :)

In Christ,
Charity

Hospitality

2011-11-17T17:03:00.000-05:00

Hospitality....it's something that we really don't think much about anymore. I mean, what really is hospitality? I have my family over to my home and I really enjoy having them over. I prepare the house, make a special dinner, make sure the kids' rooms are clean, bathrooms freshly cleaned, floors cleaned and things like that.... but that really has nothing to do with hospitality.

I do a "virtual" bible study with a friend of mine. We read the same verses, and then share via e-mail our thoughts on the verses that we have read. Today was 3 John - all of it. It's not that long...

So, as I was reading today, one of the things I got out of the reading was "hospitality".... it's something we all need to be aware of. Hospitality isn't planned. It's not the Thanksgiving dinner that you host at your home - although that is a form of hospitality, it's more "hosting"... hospitality is different.... it's spontaneous and unexpected. It's opening the doors to your home when your floors are not polished, your bathrooms are not perfectly cleaned, the toys are not picked up and the kids' beds aren't made. There may be dishes in the sink and the garbage maybe needs to be taken out..... but you open your door anyway. You don't have a dinner bought and made, ready to serve your guests... instead you look in the fridge, see what you can offer them to drink, if anything. Then you pull things together out of the cupboards / freezer and offer something that resembles a dinner. You don't use your fancy china, because it's not dusted off. You don't have the nice silverware or serving dishes because those are stored away... instead you offer the everyday existence of your home.

The thing about hospitality is it's WELCOMING these impromptu visits and making the person feel like they are genuinely welcome in your home at ANY time - planned or unplanned - and that they are not an inconvenience. It's not about stressing over their presence, worry about not putting on a good show... hospitality is not about a "show". Hospitality is about a warm welcome. It's about making someone feel like they are not an inconvenience. It's about opening the door without having a formal invitation. It's more about the other person than it is about you and your home.

So what if the floors are not at their best? So there are a few crumbs on the table or the floor, and there's a basket of laundry on the couch.... Hospitality is the relationship that is established between you and the person who stopped by unexpectedly. Hospitality is BEING READY for the unexpected, by not fretting over when the unexpected shows up at your door step! Hospitality CAN mean a planned event, but without welcoming the spontaneous, impromptu visitor, the planned event is just that - a planned event.

I'm not a spontaneous person... but I've somehow surrounded myself with friends who are VERY spontaneous. Maybe it's a God-thing... in fact, I'm SURE it's a God thing... God challenging me to live outside of my comfort zone, to welcome the unplanned, let go of my habitual planning, throw caution to the wind, and just ENJOY my friends. God doesn't care if I'm "always prepared"... He wants me to be prepared for what He needs me to do.... and what He needs me to do, may just be to move the laundry basket to the bedroom, push the toys onto the floor, and offer my impromptu visitor a place on the couch for a chat and a warm welcome.

So, if you read 3 John and DON'T get that out of the verses... that's fine. God has something special to tell all of us. Today, that is what He had to tell me... maybe because it's something I've been struggling with. I've read it many times and get different things out of it every time. I've always felt that I was an hospitable person.... I learned today that it was always more about me though... did I present myself, my house and my family well, did I offer the right food and drink, was it good enough? Today I learned that the real hospitable person, moves the junk and makes people feel welcome, even if it's not the most convenient time. I'm going to make a real effort to sharpen my "hospitality skills".

My friends don't care about my house, my appearance, what I have or what I can offer - my friends care about me. God cares about the relationship I establish with my friends and family and that I offer them what He has blessed me with.

Loved my bible study today!

In Christ,
Charity

Some Good News...

2011-11-04T18:24:00.001-04:00

Had to share some good news that I received today... I was sharing a wonderful day with a friend today. We were eating donuts, drinking coffee (we were SUPPOSED to walk 7.5 miles before all of this, but it was COLD and RAINING - darn), making baklava, drinking diet cokes (needed after donuts and lattes :) and just having some plain old fun "girl time". As we were in the middle of one of our bazillion layers of Philyo dough (yes, there were actually that many layers... I counted them all) the phone rang. I didn't recognize the number and almost didn't pick it up - then I recognized the area code - it was from Michigan, so I grabbed it. It was the Leader Dog school.

They called to inform me that I am scheduled for a class, and it is February 4th. I will train from the 4th through the 17th. I thought - well, it's about the same time that I went when I went to get Pearl, so I should expect cold.... BUT... then she said these words

IN WEST PALM BEACH, FLORIDA!

Seriously? I didn't understand. The school is in Rochester, Michigan. Well, last year they started a program for students coming from "warm weather" states. They bring the school to a warm weather state and train us there. How cool is that? It's also an accelerated program. I'll get there on a Saturday and receive my dog that same day! That's so exciting. Typically you work with the staff for awhile before getting the dog, and there's always a bit of anxiety / excitement waiting the three days until you get your dog.

They bring the program to a hotel in West Palm Beach and the training takes place around the West Palm Beach area. We may have opportunities to go out and do some training on the beach and things like that. They also do some promotional work while we are there that we will be able to attend. So, that will be nice - to have an opportunity to get out to some functions with the dogs and help support Leader Dogs for the Blind. It is such a wonderful organization! I'm thrilled to have the opportunity to take part in this new program too! This way, I only have to be away from my family for 13 days! Much easier than the month I was up in Michigan last time. I'd do what I needed to do, but it's hard to be gone that long with small children.

So - the date is set and we'll just see how it all unfolds with the dog. My heart ACHES that I don't have my Pearl, and in the back of my mind I wonder what dog will live up to the standard that Pearl has set in my head. BUT, I do have to realize that Pearl had her faults too - and every dog will be different. Remember Pearl, who would not go to the bathroom if there was dew on the grass because she hated water - for goodness sake, she was a RETRIEVER! She was stubborn as a MULE - but she was MY dog and she worked with me beautifully!

I NEED this! I'm so thrilled at the thought of having some of my independence back! Some of my security! I have to take this new dog for what it is, and learn to love it for what IT can do for me. My guess is that this one will like the water! It will have issues as well - kinda like people, we are all different - and it will NEVER replace what Pearl was to me, but I have confidence that the school will give me a dog that will definitely benefit me and be a positive addition to my life!

Looking forward to my time in West Palm Beach, Florida. Thank you to Leader Dog for this opportunity! Never expected that news when I picked up the phone today....

In Christ,
Charity

Maybe I'll write.....

2011-10-30T11:55:00.000-04:00

I've been kind of in a rough spot lately...you all know the story....times are changing for me, and I'm just having a hard time adjusting. It's a huge adjustment. I'm trying to make the best of it, but first I really need to get my head around the whole idea. I need to change my way of thinking and accept and move on. I've been focusing on this change that is needed in me for awhile.

I went out shopping with my mom this week. She came and took me to an eye appointment, and since I needed some time away, I went back with her for a couple of days and we did some shopping - just her and me. We had fun - we enjoyed some coffee together, scoured the racks for deals, took some time out for lunch and had plenty of time to talk. My grandmother passed away last week, and that has brought about a lot of discussion around family. I got in contact with one of my cousins that I have not been in contact with since he was very young - he is now 27... so we were talking about things like that, and enjoying our shopping time together.

As we were shopping, there were times when I started to think.... I HATE when that happens lately. It's not good. Thinking about my situation changes nothing, and thinking about it, is scary. Anyway, there were times when it came to mind.

I'm scared.

I cover it up well, most of the time, but truth be told, I'm scared. It you know me well enough, you will see it in me. There were things that happened while I was spending time with my mom that just kept slapping me in the face - almost forcing me to think. For example, when we were in the Dr. office for my eye appointment, I was called back for my exam and the lady who called me back did not wait on me - she called me back and started walking. I saw her up ahead of me and she had gone up some stairs... the problem was, I didn't know how many stairs and where they were. I actually had to ask her where the steps were. My mom didn't want to come back, because she didn't want me to feel like she was minding my business. Well, when I had to change rooms because an instrument was not working, I asked her to please go out and get my mom, that I got around better with her back there with me.

I did the color test - you know, the one where there are circles that have colored tiles in them that make a number and if you have color vision, you can see the number. Well, the doctor showed me about 12 different circles - I got ONE right. I guessed on some of them, and he kind of just chuckled, some I just couldn't even make a guess. At one point I said - 93, and he just kind of moved on. I said "Was it 93?" He looked at me kind of crazy and said "No, it wasn't 93". How stupid did I feel then.... I actually thought I saw something that looked something like 93. Oh well - I got ONE right :)

While we were shopping, I decided to pick out a couple of shirts for Tim if I found a good deal. I found one shirt where I liked the pattern, but didn't think Tim would like the color, because it was pink. I showed it to my mom and she said it was a nice shirt. I said yes, but I don't think Tim will like the color. My mom asked me why not... I told her because Tim is really not a "pink" person. My mom just said - well then, the shirt will be fine because it's orange....

As we navigated the stores, I find it increasingly difficult to maneuver through the aisles and feel confident. I always feel like I am too close to something and I'm going to run into it, or I'll run into a person. There were several times when I was in an aisle looking at things and someone was waiting on me to look in the area that I was, and I just stood there, taking my time, seeming so rude. But, I didn't see them waiting. Then I finally see them, panic, and apologize like 100 times and then get out of the way. I swear, shopping is no longer relaxing for me.

And, I don't know if this is actually the case or not, but it seems as though they pack the stores full of more stuff than they used to when I was a kid. The aisles are smaller and the own store's shopping carts won't fit through their aisles. Especially in clothing stores - where there aren't really aisles to begin with. It KILLS me. They put the racks right on top of each other and you couldn't get a cart through it you wanted to.

So, as we were walking out of one store after a near panic attack on my part, I asked my mom, through somewhat misty eyes - What am I going to do when this gets worse??? I asked without expecting an answer, because who can really give me one? But I asked anyway, because I'm scared. I don't talk one on one with many people about my eye condition and how it makes me feel - because I'm not the kind of person who will let it define me - let it stop me from doing something. And if it does, I certainly don't want to share it with people. And, I really don't like for people to see me cry... and this has brought me to tears lately - because really... I'm scared.

What AM I going to do? I mean, it's getting worse. I told that to my mom and she said "I know, I can see that". Seriously? That's pretty bad. What I wanted her to say is... I think you are just under stress, I don't think it's actually gotten worse. But she can't say that, because she can see the differences. She can see me hesitate when the texture of floor surfaces change, because I don't know if it's just a change in a pattern, or if there is a step associated with it. I trip on curbs, I run into the little parking markers, I bump into my mom while we are shopping, I call things the wrong color, I have to pick a table by a window when we go to lunch so I can see, we PICK a restaurant based on the lighting (seriously, not the food, but the lighting). And, it's only getting worse.... the list goes on and on. I can't see sizes on clothing - sometimes even with reading glasses I can't see them....sometimes, I'll be walking along, look at something and then be paralyzed, not wanting to continue walking because I've lost track of where I am, because I was stupid enough not to concentrate on what was right in front of me, looked at something else, and now can't determine where I need to go. My field of vision is SO small, I don't see the whole picture - it's extremely difficult.

Having my dog will help - but it's not going to fix everything. It's not going to change some things. It will give me some confidence back, but other things, it won't change.

We were talking about kids and parenting, and I asked her what my kids will think of me and my abilities. Cameron will remember a time when I worked. He understands what my profession was and why I had to stop. Anna knows, but not as much. Sara... she will never know what her mom did - she will only ever know me as the way I am now. Not that the way I am now is bad - it just doesn't feel like "me" right now. She will never know that at one time, I made a different - more than just within the walls of our home. I did something that changed lives. It's not that changing lives at home is bad, or insignificant, but I DID do something else, and I was proud of what I had accomplished and what I was doing to help others. She won't know about that. It will just be something that I tell her about.

My mom has always said that if I end up having to leave my job, that I need to find something that I can do that will allow me to contribute. I'm not sure what that is. Many people have told me that I need to write. I love to write. I always have, even since I was a kid. I pulled out my senior year book the other day and one of my close friends said that she hoped that I would always continue to write. I haven't done that. Several of my friends here in SC, when they found out that I was going out of work for a bit, said that it would give me the time I needed to start writing. Then, yesterday, as we were out shopping, my mom said it. I don't think that my mom has ever mentioned anything about writing to me. I found it strange that she would say that. It hit me somehow though. I guess because I heard it all along, but now I was hearing it from my mom. Tim has said it as well. Maybe I will. But what do I write about?

I don't write stories... when I write the best is when I'm emotionally attached to something. I think things through and I share my thoughts. I explain things, the way I see things, it's emotional, it's colorful (funny that it's colorful, seeing as how I can no longer see color :) I relate complicated things to life.... real life. I've always said that I have a story to tell... maybe it's time to tell that story. It's about life, love, rejection, adoption, salvation, success, defeat and everything in between. It's just my story. It probably wouldn't interest anyone but my family - but it would tell my story to my family. I think it would eventually offer hope to someone in a similar situation as mine - because let me tell you, in the beginning, the doctors give you no hope. And if you are hit with it unexpectedly, like I was, and don't know anyone who has been successful despite this condition - you really feel hopeless. I've ignored Dr's recommendations (not on medical care, but on planning for my future) and have achieved great things, when they have set their mind on minor things for me to achieve. Someone, some day, may need to hear my story..... to give them hope of what can be achieved, even with certain circumstances.

Maybe I'll write....

In Christ,
Charity

One answered prayer....

2011-10-11T18:21:00.000-04:00

Received a call from admissions at Leader Dog this evening and they approved my application to receive another dog! Thank goodness! I have prayed about this as it is becoming more and more of a necessity.

No dog wil replace my Pearl, but I'm so thankful for the opportunity to get another Leader Dog.

It's looking like January or February to go up to Michigan for the training. Nothing like training in the Michigan winter weather - but very worth it for the opportunity to get another dog! They have also agreed that I will be able to have a shortened training period - which will mean less time away from my family! Very happy about that as well!

Sure do miss my Pearl!

In Christ,
Charity

It's my blog, I can whine if I want to...

2011-10-10T17:31:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I've been kind of reserved here on my blog, not sharing a whole lot of what is going on in my life....I'm not sure why. I don't know who I think might read this, and no matter who they are, what do I have to hide anyway? NOTHING. So, it's MY blog, I can WHINE if I want to (whine if I want to, whine if I want to - you would whine too if it happened to you... :)

So, today I was making dinner and unloading the dishwasher and keeping an eye on Sara when I realized something.....I'll likely never, ever, the rest of my life, get a raise. It's looking as though I will be out on short term disability, and will then transition over to long term disability. Unless a miracle happens, or there are some accommodations that will allow me to see detailed work / documents, something that will restore my color vision, remove the blind spots that I have in my central vision (and if you know about any of those - please feel free to let me know...), it's unlikely that I will be returning to work.

My mom (I know you read this mom) probably just had a heart attack because I actually said that on a blog. It's ok mom - breathe deeply - it'll be fine. My mom just wants to protect me. I know that. I want the same thing - but I want to be able to express my feelings as well.

So, as I was beginning to feel sorry for myself, one thought led to another... I went from - I'm never going to get a raise again, to I'll never move into another position, to I'll never have another performance review, I'll never see my friends at work again, I'll never go through another audit (oh wait... I think that should be on the pro side, not the con side :). Truthfully, I loved my job. I really enjoyed the people I worked with (most of them anyway :) I was doing something good. I was helping people - indirectly, but still, I was helping them! We made life-saving drugs....I was part of that.

I started trying to convince myself that if I'm no longer part of the working force, that I'm still contributing to society. I'm still valuable to our family. My kids will still think I'm something. When someone asks where do your parents work - what will they say? - well, Tim works at Roche; but my mom... she doesn't do anything. She doesn't work. Or will they say, she USED to work at Roche - maybe implying to some that I got fired? Or will they say that their mom is a "stay at home mom"?

No offense to any mom who is a stay at home mom. We all make the choices that are best for our family when we decide to have a family. The problem for me is that I won't be a stay at home mom by CHOICE... I'll be a stay at home mom by necessity. The decision will have been made for me.

I think what bothers me the most is that someone else is doing MY job. You feel so "un-needed". I always said that no one is irreplaceable - including myself - unfortunately it still stings when that truth becomes a reality.

There was a time in my life when I was SO thankful that I was NOT a stay at home mom. When Cameron was born, I had a BS degree in Chemistry and was very proud of that fact. Shortly after Cameron was born, his dad and I separated. From that point, until the time Cameron was seven, I supported him, and eventually Anna on my own. Tim came into the picture when Cameron was 6 1/2. and Anna was 2 1/2. I would not have been able to raise my son on my own, add Anna to our family and support her as well, if I had decided in the beginning to forego my education and be a stay at home mom. Or if I had gotten out of the workforce to be a stay at home mom... it's difficult to get back into it after being out for some time. Especially in my field. Things change quickly and you need to be involved in the changes, and change with them, in order to really make things work.

When Tim came into the picture, I went through a period where I thought... I wish I could be a stay at home mom. I could do this, do that, be there with the kids - but we would have to sacrifice some things. The kids might not be able to go to private school, money would be tight. In all honesty, at that point in time, it wouldn't work, but it was a decision WE could make. No one could make it for us.

Here we are now - almost five years later. Now, God made the call for me. You know how many times I have prayed for God to heal my eyes? Somewhere at or near a million times. Lord, PLEASE just let me wake up and by some miracle, let me see again. Please! Let me continue to do my job. Let me continue to contribute. God had other plans....It never happened. In fact, just the opposite. Lately things have just gotten increasingly worse.

One day I was out shopping with my mom - we were looking for a birthday gift for Anna. As I wrote in my last post, Anna is suddenly into pink. She went from hating it to loving it. So I saw this pink stripped shirt. It was adorable. It had a little hood on it - it was kinda like a "hoodie" but it was not a sweatshirt. Anyway, I told my mom - look at this cute pink shirt - Anna would LOVE it. My mom looked at me kind of strange, realized what was going on, and just gently said to me - it's not pink, it's lemon yellow. Oh... Well, it would have looked good on Anna to me :) (just a side note, Anna looks TERRIBLE in yellow - probably because of her skin tone, but it's the one color that does not look good on her - and here I was trying to put it on her!!!).

I lose things - if I put something down, it could take me forever to find it. I'm good about doing that with my reading glasses. I set them down all over the house, and they could be right in front of me, but I won't see them.

I can't see anything even if it is a little bit dim - restaurants are difficult - that ambiance you all love....it makes my dinner experience HORRIBLE!!! We find the most light possible in a restaurant!

I trip on curbs, I miss steps, I run into people..... ugghhh!

I came home from a dinner with friends the other night, and Tim had not left the exterior house lights on (I'm not blaming him, it's really my fault - he just usually remembers for me). I couldn't find the sidewalk... thankfully the ladies that I was with, understood the fact that I could not see, and got me to the sidewalk, where I needed to be (this is the point where I really need my dog back - Pearl would have gotten me where I needed to go, without hesitation). I miss my Pearl. I hope I can get another dog soon.

It's all just changing so quickly!

Why am I so tied to this THING called my job???? There are so many more important things in my life!!!!

I've been thinking a lot about my dad lately. So much in my life has changed since he passed away. Cameron grew up - by 11 years! I moved to South Carolina. I added Anna to my family. I met and married Tim. My career grew. We added Sara to our family. I wonder if he would be proud. I wish I could just talk to him for a day and ask him. Sometimes I think I worked so hard in my job, because I wanted to impress him. I wanted him to think I was doing well. I wanted him to be proud of me. We were so much alike. My older sister, she seemed to have it all together from day one. She got married, had kids, was able to stay home with them from the very beginning. She contributed to the household first by making and selling crafts, starting her own business out of it, then starting a second business for herself. She is athletic, her kids are doing great. She seemed to have it all.

I went straight from high school to college. I started seriously working my sophomore year of college. I got married out of college. My job was going well. I was diagnosed with my eye condition. I had to quit driving. Everyone worried about me. I got a divorce. People worried about me more. My job was going great. I moved to South Carolina for a substantial promotion. People worried less. I adopted Anna - so I must be doing well. EVERYTHING that kept people from worrying about me, or what defined me as successful, had to do with my job. At that point, besides my job - my life was a mess. Nothing to be proud of (with the exception of my children of-course).

And now here I am.... back where I started at the beginning of this post - (I know, it's a long one) - likely never to get a promotion again. Likely never to get a raise again. Never be involved in the expansion of a facility. No more business trips overseas. No more International visitors. No more equipment qualifications, process validation, change control meetings, phone calls in the middle of the night, Quality emergencies, critical decisions.... None of it. I need to learn that NONE OF THIS MAKES UP ME!!!!

So, sitting there in the kitchen, feeling sorry for myself, and I looked up. I had perched Sara up on the butcher block - she was helping me put together dinner. But, I perched her up there because I needed her out from underfoot while I was unloading the dishwasher. I didn't want to trip over her while I was moving around the kitchen, so I perched her up there and we chatted while I was unloading dishes. We counted plates as I took them out. When I saw her though, I thought... this is going to be OK. Not only is it going to be OK - it's going to be GOOD! This is not my choice - but just because it is not my choice, that does not make it bad. I have a little girl who loves me who I will get to spend more time with. I have another daughter who was playing legos quietly up in her room - who I will get to be home with every afternoon to help her with her homework. I have a son, who was out helping wash the truck, who I will be able to spend more time with. He is already growing up too quickly and sooner than I know it, he will be gone - out of the house - onto adventures all his own. God has taken away my sight, my job - but has given me something sweeter.... TIME.

Isn't it just like God to do that? Take away what you think you can not live without, only to show you that not only will you not miss it - but you will like what HE has in store for you, so much more than what He asked you to leave behind?

So, no more raises. No more business dinners. No more promotions. I've been told to trade it in for - time with my kids!

Obviously, I'm scared. This is something new for me and for our family. I'm getting used to things though. For right now, Sara continues to go to child care. I need to keep her there because hopefully I will be going to get a dog soon, and she will need to have somewhere to go while I am gone. Also, until this all gets fully settled, and I transition into long term disability, I need to know that she has somewhere to go. Once things get settled though, I will keep her home with me. It will be good for us. I'm already enjoying being home with the kids after school. It makes the evenings so much easier to have dinner ready and homework done before Tim comes home. I'll teach her colors, and maybe even how to read....

It'll all be fine....so why this pit/knot in my stomach? Probably just because it's change. I don't prefer change. For someone who can't see real well, change is difficult. I know this is not a physical change, but I think that I've gotten into the routine of "no change", and that has spilled over into every aspect of my life. Change has always been uncomfortable for me... it probably is for everyone. I just need to move forward with it, accept it, and soon it will become the new normal, that I won't want changed.

I just want to know WHY God.... Why would you take this from me. My sight? I want to see my kids graduate. I want to see them get married. I want to see my grandchildren. I want to see color in real, actual color - instead of what I guess I imagine in my head (I wonder how that works - how I see pink when something is actually yellow.... that is kinda interesting. Maybe I'll research it...). I know things could be a lot worse - so many other things could be happening to me that could be much worse... but for right now, it's my life, it's my blog and I'm having a moment. A moment to feel sorry for myself, ask a lot of questions that don't have answers, and share all of my fears.

My moment of pity will be over soon... I think truthfully it's more adjustment than self-pity. Adjustment with Kleenex. A new name for self-pity :)

And a final disclaimer - I'm looking forward to being home with my little ones. Really I am. I have a ton that I can do... things that I enjoy. I just really enjoyed what I'm having to leave behind too....I worked at it for 20 years. It's hard to say good-bye to 20 years.

Thanks for listening!

In Christ,
Charity

So much to say....

2011-10-10T15:30:00.002-04:00

So much to say... just working on saying it the right way. It's coming. Lots to share....

Birthday Girl

2011-09-27T13:40:00.000-04:00

Anna's 8th Birthday Cake - iCarly

I'm a bit late in writing this post, but I thought I would share some pictures from her birthday celebration while I was at it....and we didn't officially do that until Sunday. So - while this post is a little late, I write it with much love for my Anna Clare! I even changed the font color to pink in honor of Anna and her new-found love for the color pink. This time last year, she could not STAND the color pink - now it is her favorite!

My sweet 8 year old Anna Clare AiYi Roach - love you my doll baby!

I don't even know how to begin to describe just how much my Anna Clare means to me. What a precious treasure she is in my life, and in our family. My beautiful Asian princess!

The birthday girl and her sister - aren't they both just beautiful???

We had a small family get together this weekend in celebration on Anna's birthday. We kinda carried her birthday out over three days, ending it with a party on Saturday with the grandparents. First, on Friday, her actual birthday she took home made chocolate chip cookies (her favorite) to her class. When she came home we had dinner and Tim took her to the high school football game. They had a good time, even though it was chilly! Saturday we picked up her cake for her party on Sunday, did some errands around the house and then let her pick out where we would go for dinner. As per usual, she picked Olive Garden. We had a nice time celebrating my little girl's birthday with her....and had a great dinner!

Sisters!

More sisters - I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE these girls!

Sara Joy on Anna's birthday - look at that face!!! That is TROUBLE!!!

Sweet Sara Joy - happy to be celebrating her sister's birthday!

Sunday the grandparents came over. It was so nice to have the family under one roof. Mom had to come without Denis which was kind of sad, but we understood. He was still feeling a bit under the weather, so he stayed home and my mom came on her own. Tim's parents came as well. We had a nice, easy dinner. Tim did hamburgers and hot dogs on the grill and we had baked beans, green bean casserole and a nice fruit salad. It was all very good!

Great picture of Tim and his dad!

Three generations - my mom (grandma), me, Sara Joy, Anna Clare, and Tim's mom (Mamaw)

Anna got some very nice gifts. We got her an iPod for her birthday and a couple of outfits. Mamaw and Papaw got her a couple of outfits and an home. Mom and Denis got her an outfit and an iTunes gift card. She enjoyed all of her gifts very much and said it was her best birthday ever. I guess the kids like it better when it is simple than when I do something all busy and complicated!

The birthday girl - opening gifts

I am blessed to have such a sweet and beautiful daughter!

After everyone left we settled in and all watched a couple of movies together. Mamaw had brought us some home made pepper jelly so we had a "snacky" type dinner of crackers, cream cheese and pepper jelly. It was good!

This is the only evidence I have that Cameron was even present... he threatened me when I said I would put the picture up on Facebook. Apparently he didn't like the picture. Good thing he doesn't read my blog - or maybe he should start. Love you Cam!

My Anna Clare is such a blessing to me. I really can't imagine my life without her. She is such a special little girl. I love her to death! Happy Birthday Ms. Anna Clare! So thankful God brought us together and that you are my daughter!

In Christ,
Charity

Embarking on a Journey

2011-09-25T17:39:00.000-04:00

Have you ever found yourself on a journey... but you don't know where you are going, or even WHY you are going? It's kinda where I'm at right now.

I seem to be something along the lines of a fish out of water right now. Not sure how I will survive, but for the love of God, I know I will. (Maybe a fish out of water doesn't feel that way, but in my life right now, I feel like a fish out of water). Ok, so for a long time - like a REALLY long time, my life was defined first by one thing.... my job. I started working in my field (Chemistry) at the end of my sophomore year of college. I was lucky enough to land a job where they let me work while I finished my education and then they hired me upon graduation. I was pretty much the envy of all of my friends at the time. So, since the ripe ole age of 19, I've worked in the Pharmaceutical industry. I had many jobs along the way - Analytical Chemist, through QA and Validation to my final stop in Management. Sadly, it did pretty much define me. After I had my children, then two things defined me - my family and my job. They sometimes fought for the front running position and depending on the circumstances, they jockeyed back and forth as to which was in front.

I think, well, really I know - God was trying to get my attention. Sorry God, no time... I'm busy. Do you not remember the time-consuming job you gave me and the children and husband that you blessed me with? Did you forget all the effort I need to put into them.... I HAVE NO TIME RIGHT NOW. You want BALANCE in my life??? I'm balancing the best I know how!!! I've wondered many a time why God "blessed" me with the unique (not unique to everyone, I guess a better word would be rare) eye condition that I have. Along the way, I have seen God use it to better my life and I think - ok, this is it!!! I have learned why God allows this to remain in my life. I've learned a lesson. But then, it doesn't go away.... It becomes an annoyance. "Ok God, I learned what you needed me to learn, so stop with the robbing me of my sight". Remember??? I learned my lesson. God always has more for me though.

I call my condition a "blessing" because most days... it really is. Looking back on life, I see how God has used this condition to better me, to keep me needing Him - I think without it, I'd be too dependent on myself and I'd wander quickly. I'm an independent person by nature. I take pride in doing things on my own.... but I've learned that nothing it done truly on my own - only though the power of Christ.

So, God must have something big and interesting in store for me. My eyes are getting much worse. Everyone sees it. My husband sees it, my children see it, my family sees it, and my friends see it. Others who don't know me, and don't know my condition, probably think I'm rude as I walk in front of them without knowing, or I run into them because I don't see them. It's becoming more and more apparent. As I said before, I'm currently not working because of it.

How could God take away one of the things that DEFINED me??? Well, I thought about that quite a bit lately - as I have had a little more time on my hands.... God does not see me as being DEFINED by my job. He defined my role on this earth a LONG time ago, and it had nothing to do with my job. Now, He gave me my job for a reason, and if I truly believe that - which I do - He has taken it from me right now for a reason. Maybe to re-examine what truly defines me. It shouldn't be my job. Truthfully, it should not be my family either. Not my husband, not my kids.... I need to learn to let God define me. It's a difficult task for this independent, education minded, workaholic person I have become. Imagine my life without the blackberry???? Never.... yet here I sit, on the brink of no work blackberry - and yet I survive!!!

God is Good!!! Yes, ALL. THE. TIME. Even when the situations of life really stink... God is still good. Of the two things that I've ever thought really defined me, I'm thankful He has chosen to teach me a lesson by, at least for right now, taking me from my JOB and not taking me from my family! He is not only GOOD, but He is MERCIFUL!!!

So, while I'm figuring out this new chapter of my life, I've decided to utilize some of my time to get into better shape. There isn't a whole lot for me to choose from... I had a road bike - not a good idea for someone who can't see. It's hanging in the garage.... anyone need a good road bike? I tried running - well, STARTED to try running and ended up with a fractured leg, and after it healed, I vowed to never run again! So, lately, I have been walking. I find it to be a good use of my time. I get up with Tim and the kids, and get everyone out the door for work/school. As they are climbing in the car, I'm putting my ear buds in and heading out on my walking journey. I watch the sun rise over the rail trail and listen to my music... sometimes I walk with Selah, sometimes Casting Crowns, other times SCC, sometimes a variety shuffle - no matter what, I find that on the trail I absorb a lot from the songs that happen into my ears on my journey. It sets my mind in the right place for the day, and along the way I get to take in the beauty God has provided all around me. So, I started walking about three miles a day. I'm now up to between 7 and 8.5 miles a day. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my walking time. Last week I walked 42 miles. I'm hoping to walk 50 this week. We'll see how it goes. If nothing else, it's doing wonders for my health!

I don't know what God is setting me up for - but I know it will be an interesting journey. Why do I have this desire to walk seemingly endless miles??? Not sure - maybe it's because one day I will have enough courage to stop the couple that walk by me every day, introduce myself and maybe develop a relationship with them... Maybe they are Christians, maybe they are not, but maybe one day when I stop and ask them their names, they will see the love of Christ in me. I look forward to passing them every day... and yet I don't know their names! Maybe it's to say hello to the older man who walks alone on the track every day.... he seems sad / alone. Maybe it's talking to the man who walks his two dogs. He always seems happy when I say hello or compliment his dogs. Or maybe it's to talk to the man who walks his dog.... it's a friendly dog that he walks off lead. Sometimes I look down and I have my music so loud I don't hear the dog's pitter-patter feet walking next to me. He will walk with me for awhile then turn around and go back to his owner - never bothering me, just walking. I stopped and said hello to him the other day and we talked about his dog. I saw him again today. I believe God puts us places for a reason - and I think He has given me the desire to get out on that trail at the same time everyday, to see some of the same people every day for a reason. Not sure what it is yet, but I'm bound and determined to find out. In the meantime, I'm enjoying my time with God and my music!

As much as I hate change, especially dramatic change... change isn't always bad. It's simply CHANGE. Something new to get used to. The new normal.

Please pray for me and for my family as I find my new normal and adjust to it. I'm sure whatever God has in store for me and my family, it is something good...

Romans 8:28 - For all things work together for GOOD for those who love God, for those who are called according to HIS purpose.

Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you saith the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a future and a HOPE!

PS - I'm working on getting Anna's birthday pictures up... I have some really good ones of the family. I'm having trouble viewing them with my new computer though, so it may take some time... I have not forgotten nor neglected my Anna Clare's birthday!

In Christ,
Charity

Re-Adoption Day

2011-09-16T13:31:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, September 15th, 2011 we appeared in family court for our re-adoption of our Sara (Edom). As part of the re-adoption process we were requesting a formal name change for Sara to Sara Joy Edom Roach. That is all anyone knows her as, but her legal name right now is Edom Timothy Roach (yes, her middle name was TIMOTHY - Ethiopian tradition). So, we requested her official name change. We also requested a change in her date of birth. When we were originally referred Sara, we were given a birth date of April 16, 2009. When we went to Embassy, somehow her date of birth had changed to October 24th, 2009. It was clearly NOT her birthday. The embassy doctor even made note of this. So, as part of the pleading, we requested an official change of birthdate to April 16th, 2009. The judge granted both of our petitions! The readoption was official and Sara Joy is now LEGALLY Sara Joy Edom Roach. We are SO blessed to have this little girl in our hearts and home!

I look at this picture of my family and I am so thankful. Sure, there are flaws in each of us, but together, we are a beautiful family. I love the family that I was blessed to have been given!

So, things have been a little quiet on the blog front - I guess because there is a lot going on... I know, doesn't really make much sense, but that's how it works out. You get busy, you quit writing. I've actually just had a great deal on my mind lately, kinda personal stuff and wasn't ready to share it all. Today I will start.

I've applied to receive another Leader Dog. Hopefully that will happen for me quickly. My vision is progressively getting worse and I'm having more and more difficulty with things. I realize just how much I needed Pearl. I sure do miss that sweet dog. Life just isn't the same without her. So... the application is completed, reference forms have been mailed and now it's pretty much in the hands of the school. Pray with me that this process will proceed quickly as I'm in desperate need of my "eyes" being back. And pray with me that when I do get another dog, that the bond that forms between us is as strong as the bond that I had with Pearl. There was an unspoken relationship between us when Pearl was working. Many things I didn't have to "say". She just knew. I pray that over time I will have that working relationship with another dog. I also pray that the kids love her (assuming it's a her)... they loved Pearl and I want to see them enjoy and love another dog just as much!

In other big news - I'm home from work right now. Without going into too much detail, I've been having some relatively seriously issues with my eyesight. I've been to the doctor about it and I'm currently off of work. I'm not sure right now what the path forward will be, but I'm working with the doctors to figure it all out. For now, I'm home when the kids get home from school which is nice. I'm enjoying that. It gives us more time in the evenings, as I already have dinner made when Tim gets home. I've got plenty to keep me occupied right now so it's all good. I'll keep you posted as to where it's going from here.... kind of uncertain times, but we're making our way through it.

And last but not least - it's Anna Clare's birthday!!!! I have another post in my head dedicated to her that I will write shortly - but I wanted to make sure I got a shout-out to her right away, so she doesn't think I forgot about her :). Love you Ms. Anna Clare AiYi Roach. Another post and pictures shortly!!!

In Christ,
Charity

Pearl

2011-08-22T11:10:00.000-04:00

I have no idea how to even go about writing this. I never thought I would have to write it... not for a very long time anyway. Pearl is gone. It kills me to even write it.

I have no idea what happened. I have been taking Pearl on walks with me and Sara lately. It's good for both of us to get out and walk. I'm trying to get into better shape, and I'm trying to keep her in shape. Anyway, we have been walking the rail trail behind our neighborhood. Saturday we walked 5.5 miles and did the same thing on Sunday.

On Saturday I felt awful as I forgot to take some water for Pearl. Normally I take a bottled water with me and half way through our walk, I'll stop and get a drink and then give the rest to Pearl. Well, on Saturday I asked Cameron to grab me a water - well usually when I ask for water I have him make me a lemonaide. He assumed that was what I wanted and he made me a lemonaide and put it in the bottom of the stroller for our walk. When I went to get a drink, I realized it was lemonaide and then didn't have anything for Pearl. It was not that hot and she was doing fine, so we just continued on our walk and she got water when she came home.

Sunday we decided to do our walk again. Tim had to go into work so I went with Pearl and Sara. This time, I remembered to not only take a water for Pearl, but I decided to just throw her bowl in the bottom of the jogging stroller so when it was time to give her water, I could put it in her bowl... that was easier for both of us. (Usually I just gave it to her out of the bottle by pouring it in her mouth - she was pretty talented and could drink it that way). So, we went off on our walk. It was not exceptionally hot, but it was warm. It was cooler than it had been on Saturday when we went though. So, we did 2.6 miles and we stopped and I gave her water. What she didn't drink I just poured over her. I figured if she was hot, that would help with cooling her off. We continued on our walk. We were not running - after breaking my leg I will never run again in my life - we were just walking a brisk pace.

We got to the end of our walk and got off of the trail and came back into the back of the subdivision. I can't see Pearl when she is walking next to me, her shoulders always stayed right about at my leg and I can't see there. She never got ahead of me - she never did. But... I could hear her tags with every step and she was making the same rhythmic sound with her tags - she was not slowing down or hesitating.

Suddenly, we were two houses from our house and I felt her body nudge my leg. I thought it unusual (most people wouldn't think anything of it, but when you are with a dog 24/7, you know what is normal and what is not). I hesitated long enough to look down at her. At that instant she collapsed. It was so sudden. I was literally 2 houses down from our house and I always carried my phone with me, so I called Cameron to come and help me. I told him to bring water and to hurry. He brought me more water and I tried to give it to her - she was just lying in the road. She wouldn't move. I picked her up and moved her over to the grass and she just laid there. I called Tim and he rushed home - but even before I could make the phone call she took her last breath.

A wonderful man - who actually turned out to be the parent of one of a couple of students at Cameron and Anna's school was driving by. I don't know why he was here, but I was very thankful he was. He stopped and pulled his truck in front of Pearl so people wouldn't stare at her going by. He picked her up and put her in his truck and brought her to the house. He stayed with us as I waited for Tim to come home. We were very blessed to have him be the one who drove by to help us. God sends people to places for reasons they will never understand - but I firmly believe he sent this man, yesterday, to be with us until Tim got home. He even stopped by in the evening to check on us - because obviously I was distraught at the time. Cameron was as well.

I have been kicking myself for even taking Pearl on the walk. Somehow I feel it was my fault - maybe she got overheated. I looked up on the internet what happens when dogs overheat though, and usually they get disoriented / delirious and throw up. Pearl did none of those things. She walked without a stutter step until she collapsed in the road. I wasn't running her, we were only walking.... I can only imagine that there was an underlying issue that we did not know about - it happened very quickly and at least that I am thankful for. I just don't understand it, because she was so young. She was not really acting any differently lately either. It's all I can think of that there was something wrong and we just didn't know it.

Pearl spent nearly every minute with me for the past 2 1/2 years. She was a sweet dog with a bit of a stubborn streak - kinda like me....she guided for me, even when she was not in harness - just on lead. She would lead as if she were in harness. She spent every day at work with me - cocking her head up against the book shelf snoring away while I worked, knowing I would make her move to quit snoring. She provided much needed relief and friendship to people at work - a select few interacted with her regularly, and they were her favorites. She sat quietly at meetings and acquired a taste for popcorn from long meetings where people "accidentally" dropped popcorn on the floor. She snatched it up immediately if it was close enough to her. She was stunningly beautiful and an amazingly smart dog! When she was at home, and not working, she was the best pet a kid could ask for. The kids loved her, even Sara. Sara would go and sit on her mat with her - Sara did that just about from the time she came home with us. Cameron took her out to the bathroom - because sometimes she would not go for anyone but Cameron. Anna snuggled with her during movies - her in her bean bag chair and Pearl on her blanket on the floor. She never barked, she never left the yard (well, occasionally she would go visit the neighbor's garage - there must've been something very interesting in there) and never, ever did she give any indication that she would bite someone - even when I stepped on her once, or when Cameron pinched her tail in the door - she was a very gentle dog - but she was also a dog in complete control when I needed her to be.

I have no idea why this had to happen - as much as I feel guilt, as I was the one walking with her - I know that can't be the reason that this happened. There has to be something more. I may never know what that is.

I can't even think about what I'm going to do without her. Tim's picking up her things from work today - I don't want to have to look at them going back into work tomorrow. Eventually, I will have to get another dog - but it's obviously too soon to think about that now. Given my choice right now, I'd never get another one. I know that's a response out of grief. At this point, I'd feel sorry for any dog I got - as none would compare to Pearl.

She was a much loved dog. At least I can say that. She saw the world with our family. She went everywhere we did. She will be very much missed. She taught me what a dog could do for a person - how she could make my life easier, how she could keep me safe... and she always did.

I'm sick over losing her. She will be greatly missed.

In Christ,
Charity

And so we move forward (not on)

2011-08-14T16:14:00.000-04:00

When you move "on" from something, in my mind, you leave what you are moving "on" from, behind. I choose to move forward. Moving "forward" allows you to carry things with you. It's not getting rid of anything, it's just changing your perspective, your position, to something different. It's seeing things in a different way, in a different light. Sometimes it's all you can do. Sometimes you just don't have a choice! Sometimes the choice is made for you, and sometimes you have to come to the hard choice. In any situation, you can choose to move "on", or you can choose to move "forward". I'm choosing forward.

I've thought long and hard about what I can do to occupy this place in my heart that lives to love children. I haven't come up with anything yet. There are changes on the horizon for our family though... maybe God is waiting to show me His plan, until these changes come to fruition and we settle into our new normal. All I know is.... God is moving. He is moving in my heart, and in my life. He is moving in our family. That is pretty exciting.

The kids are starting back to school this week. Cameron will be starting 7th grade - junior high.... with schedules, moving classes, a locker... all the things that junior high has to offer! Anna is starting 2nd grade - second grade with learning cursive, lots of spelling tests and getting older and maturing. My little Sara Joy - she is moving up to the 2K room. No more cribs, those have been swapped out for mats at nap time. She'll have new teachers to adjust to and a new schedule to get used to. Changes are happening all over at our house.

Fall is in the air - ok, admittedly, we live in SC, so fall is not in the air here yet temperature wise, but the fall schedule is in the air. Pretty soon we will have football games to attend on Friday nights, Clemson football games, Monday night football, college football (ugghh - it's all about football, isn't it???). Tim, Cameron and Anna are going to head up to a Clemson game and then camp out for a night. It's best to camp out in the fall or spring here, as in the summer it's just too hot! I'm not a big fan of tents, public bathroom, public showers or spiders - so Sara and I will stay home while they do that outing. We'll take another trip up to the cabin to see the beautiful fall colors changing in North Carolina, pick up apple cider and take long walks in the mountains. Rhubarb pie... am I the only person in the world who likes rhubarb pie? It's my favorite. I make a mean Yankee Apple Pie too - fall is a good time for that.

Sometimes moving forward is hard. It's letting go of what you thought would be... but it can be grabbing onto what is to come as well. Here's to something good coming that I can grab on to.

In Christ,
Charity

Taking a step back...

2011-08-10T12:13:00.000-04:00

This post is extremely hard for me to write - which is why it has taken me some time to write it.

Tim and I were struggling over some thoughts lately. I posted on FB and asked for prayer for some decisions that we needed to make. Last week, we came to those decisions. Tim and I have decided to stop the process to adopt from India - not just from India, but stop the adoption process in general. I'm honestly surprised that I have it in me to even write that. It is not in my nature to say "no" to caring for a child - but at some point, we would HAVE to say no. So, we prayed and considered, discussed our motivations and asked for advise. A wise friend said - make your decision and live with it over the weekend. Act as though it is the decision you have made. By the end of the weekend, if you are at peace with it, then you have made the right decision. If not, then do the opposite. She is a Christian woman, so obviously prayerful consideration was part of that equation.

So, this is exactly what Tim and I did. We learned alot about each other in this process - we learned that even if we have fears about something, we don't want to disapoint the other, so we don't share them openly. I'm not going to share what led us to this decision, because I think it's pretty personal, but I will say that it was a decision that was not made lightly. It is a decision that right now weighs heavy on my heart - but it is a decision that we are at peace with.

The one thing I will share is this: Adoption is a MIRACLE - as miraculous as conception or birth. Who would not want to participate in as many miracles as possible? Not only that, but you get to welcome this seemingly "unwanted" child into your family. You get to show them the power of love. You get to watch them transform right before your eyes. You watch them put on weight. You watch their skin start to glow. You watch their hair go from dry and tangled to shiny and beautiful - through good nutrition and regular bathing. You watch them absorb the world around them. You get to see them not just take love, but GIVE love as well. You see life SPRING into their eyes! You can look at them and see all the potential that exists in their future. You get to experience them learning about Jesus! Sara sings "Jesus loves me" (only those words, because it's all she knows of the song) from her crib at child care when she does not want to sleep. It distracts the other kids, but like her childcare provider said - how do you tell a child to stop singing "Jesus loves me". (I've since had a conversation with her and we've gone over how to sing quietly) Anna and Sara, and what we hoped would be Aliyah are not just "adoptions" - they are children.

Therein lies part of my problem though - Aliyah was another child, who I would welcome with open arms. Nathaniel - yes, he was already named, is yet another child. When Aliyah came home, and when Nate came home - there are a billion more names in the baby books - at least 100 of which I could LOVE for another child's name... so when would it end? There would always be another child and there would always be another name. There would always be another spot in my heart. I see pictures of children from everywhere - Uganda, Ethiopia, Russia, China, United States - there is an endless number of children in need of a home. There is not "just one more".

I came to realize that this may be my motiviation for adopting again. This was not the areas that I was struggling with, but throughout this process, it was something that I realized. I may NEVER be ok with saying no to another adoption. So, my motives needed to be evaluated, God needed to be consulted, my current children needed to be taken into consideration, and where we are going as a family needed to be evaluated. All this considered, plus more, brought us to our decision.

For those of you who have a 19 kids and counting - please don't say I'm selfish. Because if I were selfish, I would have Aliyah and several more in my home in the next few years. This is NOT. AT. ALL. about my selfish desires - just the opposite in fact.

With adoption and the orphans of the world weighing so heavily on my heart, I know that God has plans for me, and for our family - to somehow help the orphans. Maybe it's a mission trip. Maybe it's financial support to a reputable organization. Maybe it's doing something here in our own country... I don't know. I do know that orphan ministry is where I need to be. Where I need to serve. I pray that God reveals His plans for my life - for our family - quickly.

I wrote the initial part of this post about two weeks ago... I could not find it in my heart to hit "publish post". It hurt to badly. It still hurts. Sometimes though, not just the joys, but the sorrows and sadness need to be shared - so others can encourage you. Right now, I'm discouraged. Because of some of the issues that were under consideration when making this decision, I personally feel defeated. Maybe I will share that detail later - I'm not really ready to right now. So, this is it - this is what our family looks like. Am I disappointed? Not in the least - not in the family that I have. Am I disappointed that I can not bring the orphans of the world into my home and call them son/daughter - yes. For that I am very disappointed. But... I feel as though God has something bigger and better in store for me - something to soothe my broken heart over not being able to "bring them all home". I'm anxiously awaiting that plan. Closing the door on a dream is so very difficult - but maybe, just maybe, God needed to nudge me to close this door (my personal desire) to fulfill something bigger He has in store for me and our family. I'll have to wait and see.

Eventually I will update the caption on this blog. Someday I will remove the India clock - or maybe I will leave it there as a reminder of all the kids that God loves, everywhere. Something tells me that that clock may be significant to my life at some point.... not sure why, but that might be left here.

In Christ,
Charity

Update for those who have prayed

2011-07-08T09:19:00.000-04:00

A while back, I mentioned the situation regarding mine and Tim's workplace. In November of last year, the corporate executives came in and announced (rather unexpected) that our site was being sold from the small molecule network. It was a huge blow to the site, to many of my friends, and truthfully, to the community. Roche is one of the largest (besides the hospital system) and best employers in the Florence area. It was very difficult to swallow. The uncertainty that followed was difficult to manage.

With Tim and I both working for the same company, it was extra difficult for our household. We were not sure what we were going to do. After much prayer (and back and forth emotions), we decided we would just stick it out. We didn't know what the future would hold for us, but we knew it was all in God's hands. Little did we know what HE had in store. In difficult times like these, I've now learned, although it is hard to hold on and go for the ride that God had placed you on, in the end, it's worth the ride because HE is there with you.

So, it has been eight months since the announcement was made. In that time, the development part of our site was closed. We are making the final batches of clinical material but already a good bit of the development people were let go. The ones remaining are currently being absorbed into the small molecule commercial production. We have had an interested party come through the site and ask very detailed questions about the company, the employees and how the site is run. Imagine being in your home when people come through it and critique what you have done. It was not comfortable, but it was in the best interest obviously of the site and of the buyer for this to take place.

Remember back then, when I told you Tim was out of town when the announcement was made?

Well, God answered our prayers in an amazing way this week - while I was out of town. This past Sunday (July 3rd), I traveled to Madrid, Spain for a meeting at one of our drug product sites. While I was there, and announcement was made that we would be having an all employee meeting on Wednesday (and I would not be back in town until Thursday night). Speculation was all over the place as to what was going to be said. I found it ironic that this time, I was out of town.

Well, the company executives came back. They said that they were NOT selling Roche Carolina. Imagine that! I never thought that would happen! God answered our prayers. I never wanted to uproot the kids and have to move to a new area. We like it here. We like our house. The kids like their school. We like the people that we work with. We would have done what we needed to do for our family, but our desire was really to stay put.

Now there are challenges ahead of us. It won't be easy. Getting back into the network that was in the middle of change when we were told we would be sold will be difficult. It will be a LOT of work. More than we were facing. But, the work will be worth it. At least we will have work, and Roche will stay in the community.

Please continue to pray for our colleagues. Some were not forunate enough to stay on with the company. The development area is still being shut down - but for the majority of the company, this was good news. It's hard when you feel like you were rejected by the company. There are hard feelings, even for the ones who stay. But, we are lucky. Roche is a good company with many benefits that can't be matched in other companies. And the announcement keeps my family in place.

Thank you for your prayers! Just thought I'd share the update!

In Christ,
Charity

The Paper Chase

2011-05-22T16:47:00.000-04:00

The paper-chase....yep, we are there again! I wasn't sure I'd be doing this again, and especially not so soon, but we really feel as though this is right for our family! Tim and I have been discussing if we wanted to adopt one more time. Initially - just like each addition to the family - when the newest one comes home, we both say we are done. This is it. But, then... things settle down. Before we adopted Sara, we said we would adopt two more. Sara and then another. Well, when we got Sara's referral, I freaked out. I wondered if we could do it all. It's kinda like when you get pregnant, and your life is all in order and you wonder - OH. MY. GOODNESS!!! What have we just done. Life will NEVER be the same again. And certainly, it is not! But, we've come to find that is good! This time however, Tim and I both agree that this is our last one. This was actually Tim's idea which was a bit of a surprise to me. Once we started talking about it though, I was all on board!!!

I did some calling last week from work during lunch. This is just about the same scenario that happened when I first decided to adopt Anna. I was looking into agencies and countries and had my heart set on China. At the time, I was single, so there were difficulties in finding an agency that didn't already have their singles quota filled for adoption from China. As I was looking through the agencies on the internet, I was drawn to Faith International. I called them. They were able to send my dossier to China in the next calendar year - that would be perfect as it would take me about six months to get my dossier ready anyway. So, I did it! They were a GREAT agency to work with.

When we decided to adopt Sara, we were not able to use Faith. We were happy with the agency that we worked with and of-course we love the little girl that God placed in our lives. We did felt lead, at the time, to use this agency that we did for our adoption of Sara. In fact, we lost quite a bit of money by going with them, because we had already signed with another agency.

So, now here we are again. As I was looking for an agency, I started looking at Faith again. I was intrigued by the new programs that they had, and something led me to click on India. I'm not sure what it was, and in fact, I went back to the page twice, because when I went to click on it, something said "no, we don't qualify for that program". But I was led to click on it anway. As I read through it, my heart started fluttering. I called the agency and was able to speak immediately to a wonderful man who quickly answered all of my questions. Tim was dropping something by my office, so I talked about all of the details with him. He had a couple of questions as well, so I called the gentleman back - and was able to talk to him immediately. He answered those questions and sent me some information.

WE ARE GOING WITH INDIA!!!!! I can't believe it. I was drawn to India when we were adopting Sara, but we did not qualify for the program. I don't know if I didn't look hard enough, or what - I'm glad we went with Ethiopia and got our Sara - but I think this time, this is where God wants us to go!!! We can have no more than three children in the home - AND, I discussed with them my eye condition, and they don't feel as though it will be a problem! PRAISE THE LORD!!!!

The program is interesting.... it's different than any other program we have been involved with (China, Vietnam, Kyrgyzstan and Ethiopia). We will have our homestudy completed and begin working on our dossier. After our homestudy is completed, and while we are working on our dossier, our homestudy will be sent to India and we will be matched with a child. This usually takes about 3 months. Then we will receive our referral. If we accept the referral, the child will then be looked at internally in India to determine if there is anyone who will take the child in India (not likely). They do this to ensure that the child is being removed from their birth country and culture as a last resort (understandable). If no domestic family can be found, the referral is ours. We complete our dossier and send it to India. The hard part is that from the time we receive the referral, to the time we go get our child can be as long as 8 months - sometimes longer. As this is a pilot program, no one can say for sure how long it will take. Travel to India is required. We will be in country for 10 days to two weeks. Pretty much like we were with the China program. We are thankful that this time, it will only be one trip, rather than two.

We are thinking about taking all of the kids with us this time, if it is financially possible. We'll have to wait and see! I am SO very excited about this process. I'm going to cherish every minute of the paperwork, fingerprinting, reference letters, medical exams, waiting, waiting and waiting, because this will truly be our last adoption experience. I think we've maxed out our family.

We are going to request (we think) a little girl. We will request 18 - 30 months... the same age range we requested with Sara. The only thing we want, is to keep this child younger than Sara. They may end up in the same grade, but we want to maintain their birth order. I think it will be great for Sara to have a sibling so close in age.

Pray for us once again as we take the leap of faith to make this journey ONE. LAST. TIME!!!

Can't wait to share with you along the way!

In Christ,
Charity

Holding on for the ride...

2011-05-20T09:10:00.000-04:00

So, what have I been doing lately? Holding on during the ride! Life is a ride - and I think I'm finally enjoying it. There have been a lot of ups and downs lately, but it's all part of the ride.

There is so much that I'm looking forward to... the kids are out of school in just three short days. They finish up with 1/2 days and are done the middle of next week. I'm looking forward to spending more time with my kids and with my family. We have planned a vacation to the beach this summer. I'm so looking forward to it. I told Tim that work is going to have to live without us during this time. I'm not even going to turn on the phone! It probably won't even work where we are (hopefully :)! It'll just be us and the kids, hanging out, relaxing and having a good time together as a family. I can't wait!

I was worried that our little vacation was going to get ruined by my latest issue - I started up running about six weeks ago. Two weeks into it, my left leg started hurting - and not just hurting, but REALLY hurting. Tim took me to urgent care and they said give it two weeks, gave me an anti-inflammatory and sent me home. Three weeks later, I was still hobbling around. Finally went to an ortho. specialist, and had an MRI done. Come to find out I have a fracture. Ugghh. I thought for sure he was going to cast it and I'd be sitting at the beach with a cast on my leg. Fortunately for me though, I only have to be off of it, and be on crutches for four weeks. I'll hopefully get off of the crutches right before we leave for our vacation.

The kiddos are doing wonderful!!! All three of them! Cameron and Anna both made the honor roll this year. I'm so proud of both of them. Cameron was inducted into the Jr. Beta Club which is based on academics as well as character. I was one proud mom when he was inducted! Sara is doing great. She is enjoying day care and they are enjoying her. Her vocabulary is really growing and I'm pleased with that. She loves to point out what belongs to whom "THAT Mama's", "THAT Anna's". It's so cute, but she says it over, and over, and over like a broken record :) Wouldn't change it for the world!

Ms. Sara had her second birthday since I last wrote. It was her first one home with us, so it was extra special! She was excited to be the center of attention for a bit. She is getting really close to her brother and sister and enjoys playing with them! She and Anna do a lot together play-wise... Cameron, not so much, but for some reason, she is really drawn to Cameron. She likes to be around him. It's adorable. And he is a really good big brother to her. Both he and Anna are good siblings.

Speaking of siblings, now is as good a time as ever to break the news... Tim and I are going to embark on the adoption journey one more time! We are in the process of contemplating countries, names, etc - but I think we are pretty certain that we are going to do this one. final. time. It was actually Tim's idea this time, but he said that he was going to make me sign something saying this would be our last one. We so enjoyed the experience with Sara and we're ready to do it again. We have some time beforre we start again - I think we are going to start early fall, so I'm watching and investigating countries to see where we might fit in best. I think this time we would ask for a girl again, but if our heart is in a country where we can not select gender, then we will go with either and be happy either way.... we have names picked out for both, so we are ok there :)

So, pretty exciting news on that front. I have so many pictures to share... more pictures than I have time. Pictures coming soon!

In Christ,
Charity

Searching for "Ollie"

2011-04-21T17:09:00.000-04:00

My, it certainly has been some time since I've been able to get on here and blog.... I guess I have been spending more time managing our bigger family. It's what's important to me right now. But, today I'm home with Sara who is sick. I was home with her yesterday as well, so I had some time to sit down and write. She is sitting next to me right now, building with Legos and talking to them as she builds. Sometimes I really wish I could understand all that she is saying to those legos! She has some pretty animated conversations with them!

All of the kiddos are doing well. We are looking forward to spending the Easter weekend together. Cameron has been away on his 6th grade field trip and will be coming back home late tonight / early tomorrow morning. They went to the Creation Museum in Kentucky. I think they had a really good time.

Cameron and Anna got their report cards a c0uple of weeks ago and both kids made the honor roll... I'm very proud of them. I'm especially proud of Anna. She had been struggling for awhile with her grades and she turned that around and made the honor roll! I'm so thrilled for her. She puts in a lot of work and finally got to see a positive result! Cameron was inducted into the Jr. Beta Club a few weeks ago. We were so very proud of him as well. In order to be inducted, you had to have a score of 90 in all of your classes for the past two years and also be nominated by a teacher. I was so pleased that Cameron was nominated. I've got some smart little kids on my hands!

Sara celebrated her 2nd birthday last weekend. I can't believe my baby girl is two. I feel terrible that I'm not posting pictures from the party, but my disk with pictures on it is at work, and I'm writing this from home... I'll post pictures later. Needless to say, she had a good time. My mome and Denis came to celebrate with us, and so did Tim's dad. Unfortunately Tim's mom couldn't come as she had some obligations at home, but it was great to see Tim's dad. We understand other obligations that come with family, so we will head that way soon so she can see the kids again.

So... I'm searching for Ollie! If you are friends with me of FaceBook, you know who/what I'm looking for. If not, you might think we're looking for our next child and we're naming him Ollie. Well, that is not the case. For some reason, I was thinking the other day about toys that I had as a child that I absolutely loved. One that I had was this little yellow ride-on toy named Ollie. Ollie looked like a yellow banana with big eyes, blue wheels and red yarn hair. I LOVED Ollie. Ollie went with us everywhere. Ollie was the best thing ever... even after I braided his yarn hair and drew with red crayon on his body. Sara loves ride on toys, so I thought I would go on line and see if I could find her an "Ollie". Well, if you know anything at all about me, you will know that once I get something in my mind, I'm a bit "obsessed" with it. I look and look and can't find Ollie. Ollie was discontinued!!! How could the greatest ride-on toy on earth be discontinued??? So, I wanted to see if I could get one on ebay. Sure I could - I think ONE exists in the world and they are selling it for $199.00!!! Sorry Sara, but Ollie is not worth that much (he is, but I'm not sure Tim would agree :) I'm bummed about it. Now I'll have to get her the bumble bee buggy - which I really don't want to get, because it won't measure up to Ollie.

Have you ever had something like that - a childhood toy that you would just LOVE to share with your children? Maybe Sara wouldn't even like it, I don't know... I just want her to have it. Ollie brought back so many memories. I'm not even sure what got me thinking about it... for goodness sake it was almost 40 years ago (that is what Tim said when I was in shock that it was discontinued)! No matter what got me thinking about it, something did. I began to realize all of the memories that I had with Ollie. I rode Ollie in the driveway of our very first house. I have pictures from when I was small with me and Ollie. My younger sister had Ollie passed down to her. We fought over Ollie. I don't think kids have that same feeling with toys anymore. Now kids have all of these motorized toys and the newest thing that kids want changes weekly - and here I am 35 years later desperately wanting an Ollie for my child.

So, here is a plea to all of my bloggy friends... if you happen to see an Ollie somewhere - not the rocker Ollie, but the one with wheels, and you can get your hands on it, please let me know. I so desperately want one. I bet there are hundreds of them stashed away in basements somewhere with people thinking that no one would want them... well, this mamma does. I won't pay a fortune for one, but I would pay a reasonable price to get one. So many memories are held in that little toy!

So, what can I start looking for you, my bloggy friend? What toy might I have stashed away that you might want for your child but can't find? They don't make them like they used to, that is for sure.....

If you find an Ollie, please comment... I'd be forever grateful!!

In Christ,
Charity

Have you heard????

2011-03-15T12:54:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I was sitting at the computer, catching up on some e-mails and I came across one from my agency. It said that CHINA IS NOW ACCEPTING APPLICATIONS FOR SINGLE WOMEN FOR SPECIAL NEEDS CHILDREN!!!

I was so thrilled! Obviously, I'm not a single woman anymore, but when I adopted Anna, I was. China had a very limited number of adoptions that they would allow to be processed for single parents. Somehow, by the pure work of God, I managed to be one of them! It was not too long after I got home that the doors closed to single parent adoptions in China. God got me in and got me out. God led me to the right agency - because had my wait been much longer, Anna would not have come home to me. God was just written all over that adoption.

Having somewhat of a disability myself, I am not in a position to adopt a special needs child. We struggle sometimes right now with all of the running around we have to do with regard to Dr.'s appts for three kids, school activities, sick days... things like that. Since I am not able to drive, all that is left in Tim's hands. It becomes difficult. I don't feel that Tim and I would be able to knowingly commit to the requirements of a special needs child - but we do know full well that at any point in time, something could happen to any one of our children, and we would have to be there to take care of them. Not an issue - not even a question. We just couldn't make that choice to do it. Not with my situation.

That being said, I have always had a heart for special needs children. Having a sister who has special needs probably placed that in my heart. My mom said that I was very aware of it since the time I was small. I would defend my sister and not allow people to "stare" at her, or make her feel "different". To me, she was not different, she was my sister.

I strongly feel as though I was led to write about this today... that it would stir something in someone's heart. I can't adopt a special needs child, but I can advocate for their care! There are children in all countries, not just China, that are dying to be welcomed into a family. They are the "less desirable" because of their special needs, but they are the greatest in need of our love and the love of a family. I don't know much about a lot of the special needs, but I know families who have managed cleft lip / palate, albanism, club hand/foot, burns, deaf, blind even medical status such as HIV positive... it can all be managed. And there is a CHILD behind that special need. Some people look at the special need and forget the child... for each SPECIAL NEEDS child, there is a special needs CHILD!!!

If you have ever had the desire to adopt a special needs child.. if you ever had that tugging at your heart but just tucked the idea away.. maybe now is the time to pray and ask God to lead you in HIS direction. Maybe now is your time, and maybe now YOUR child is waiting! Maybe your child is in CHINA!

If you want a recommendation for a great agency, give me a shout and I'll give you a name!

In Christ,
Charity

"Fingerprints" and "Footprints"

2011-03-10T10:56:00.000-05:00

Before I write about my "fingerprints and footprints", I want to say thank you to Michelle. I don't know Michelle and I have no way of getting in contact with her, other than this blog. Michelle visited my blog and left me a comment the other day. Michelle - your comment really touched me. You are the reason I want to write. You are the reason I want to share about ADHD. Young ladies like you who have overcome! Young children who are struggling to overcome. Young ladies who are destined to success due to their sheer determination. I will continue to write for people like you. I'd also love to hear more about your story. We can be an encouragement to one another, and others can learn the truth of ADHD.

Now, onto my fingerprints and footprints...the other day I went up into Cameron's room. Ugghh, it was a mess. Clothes all over the floor. Bed not made. Footprint.

I went to Anna's room. Much the same. Her bed was made, but her room was a mess. Footprint. I walk past the office, and it's a mess with Anna's clutter. Footprint.

In the den there are little pieces of junk (leggos, stylus from the DS, minature DS games) inbetween the cushions of the couch. Fingerprints.

And Sara, she is not immune because she is so small. Oh no! I walk into the bedroom, barefooted of course, and step on one of her small legos! Fingerprint.

I clean the kitchen from breakfast, only to walk in there and find "stuff" - glasses out on the counter, wrappers from something on the butcher block...fingerprints. Laundry - just when I think I'm done, Cameron tells me he didn't empty his PE bag so I need to wash his PE clothes. Or, better yet, since he changed at school and threw his clothes in the car and didn't bring them into the house when we got home, I need to get those out and wash those too... footprints.

There is a wasp in the hallway that was killed with a book and then just left (under the book)...fingerprints.

I was very frustrated recently with all these little "fingerprints and footprints" around the house. I wanted to walk into a room and have it be clean. I wanted to clean something and have it remain clean for more than 5 minutes. What would that be like? I cleaned up the "fingerprints and footprints", knowing that they would be back.

Then I remembered the days before kids. I remembered what that would be like. Before the days of fingerprints and footprints. I remember the days when I would get dressed for work and wouldn't end up with spit up on my shoulder or jelly fingerprints at about knee level on my pants. I remember having time to get myself ready for work, have a leasurely breakfast and get only myself out the door. I remember sitting at the dinner table and not having sticky spots on the table or crumbs all over the floor from messy little ones. I remember being able to eat a meal and not have mine get cold because I'm busy feeding a little one, or getting a drink for someone, or reminding someone that they need to eat their veggies. Days of not assisting with 6th grade homework or projects. Days of not having to help with money addition and coin recognition. Days of not having to try to teach a little one the difference between her elbow and her eye. I remember not having to bathe anyone but myself....

It sounds like I had it made when I didn't have little ones... but I didn't!

The days of me caring about sticky fingerprints at knee level are over. When I'm at work and I notice the little bit of food on my shoulder because Sara wiped her face on my shoulder on the way into the bathroom to wash her face, I smile. It reminds me of the blessing I have in that little girl.

When I walk into the kitchen and find milk left out on the counter for hours and it's starting to stink - I ~~sigh~~ smile happy that I have the wonderful children that I do... and at least they are drinking milk!

I've learned that the fingerprints and footprints of life do not matter. A spotless house is not the be all and end all. So what if I have a little bit of something on my clothes? What matters are the fingerprints and footprints that my kids are leaving on my heart. The crud in my hair because little hands hugged me while they still had peanut butter on their hands... sure, it's a hassle, but those little hugs are fingerprints on my heart.. things that I will remember forever. When my kids are sick.. sure it's a hassle and I get sick of wiping snotty noses and forcing medicine down throats - but the joy that comes in snuggling up with a sick child to make them feel better... they are the footprints on my soul.

I don't know what you get to take with you when you leave this earth. I know it is not physical things, I know it is not money or status... but somehow, I hope I take the fingerprints and footprints that have been left on my soul by my precious family with me.

I need to remember that the next time I step on a lego!!!

In Christ,
Charity

Oh what a month it has been....

2011-02-17T12:17:00.000-05:00

I have a hard time believing that the last time I wrote was nearly a month ago. It has been quite the month! It's been a month full of sickness.

After Christmas, my sister became very ill. My sister lives in Connecticut. My mom and Denis ended up going up there and staying for two weeks while my sister was in the hospital. She had a VERY bad case of pneumonia and ended up on a ventilator and everything. It was pretty scary there for awhile. She is slowly but surely getting better. She is back home now, and having rehabilitation services at her home. I'm so very thankful that she is doing better and is back home.

Then illness struck our house and it hasn't quite left yet. I was sick two weeks ago with the flu. It has been going around work, and somehow, I managed to get it. I had type A and was miserable for about a week and 1/2 with it. I had not yet even started feeling better, when last weekend Sara and Anna both woke up with fevers. Of course it was a Saturday, so we took them both to the walk in urgent care.... I had been there earlier in the week. The same nurse that helped me was helping my girls. She said...didn't I already see you this week. Yep - sure did. Now I was there for my two little ones. She swabbed them for the flu and when she came back she said "You are not going to believe this... one has A and the other has B". Sara had A, which I'm assuming she got from me. Anna had B, which I'm guessing she got from school. So with A and B both running around our house, I could get sick again with B, Anna could give B to Sara and Sara could give A to Anna! I figure we will be sick for about the next six weeks! Fortunately Tim and Cameron have managed to not get sick thus far!

So, I'm home with the kiddos today. Tim and I are taking alternate days staying home with them, and today is my day. He was home with them yesterday. It has been kind of stressful trying to meet the responsibilities of both home and work, but we are managing. We somehow always find a way to make it work! I'm just hoping the kids will be better soon. Anna seems to be recovering quicker. Sara spiked a fever again yesterday, so something is still brewing in her. Hopefully they will be able to take the next few days and recover and be back to school and childcare on Monday.

I have some new pictures to share, just no time to upload them right now... maybe this weekend.

Next time, there will be much less time between posts!

In Christ,
Charity

I am my daughter's "celebrity"

2011-01-16T14:16:00.000-05:00

Here I go.... be prepared, because this one will be long. It has been brewing in me for a long time. Truthfully, at times, I have found myself afraid to share what I have to say. I am afraid no more. I will stand for what I believe in and I will stand for what is true. I will stand for my daughter and I will stand for my family. I will stand for children - brilliant children who need a chance. I will stand for parents who should not be ashamed. I will stand straight in church, not wondering what others think, becuase I will know I have done right by my daughter and by God. I will stand.

I've hesitated writing this also because I have found myself angry at times. It's never good to write when you are angry. So, I decided to wait until my thoughts were gathered in a clear fashion and my anger had somewhat subsided. And it has... so now I write.

If you are a reader of my blog, you know that my daughter Anna was diagnosed with ADHD last year. It was a very difficult time for our family and we struggled to even consider the possibility of my perfect little girl having something wrong with her. We worked for three long years prior to her diagnosis though, with the symptoms of the condition we were trying to ignore. We could ignore it no more. It was doing a diservice to my daughter. Her diagnosis was swift. She is classic ADHD - no question. Tears filled my eyes when the doctor told us that... for two reasons actually. Some tears were tears of relief, because we had an answer. Some tears were tears of fear for the judgement that was to come to Tim and I, and to Anna.

Anna is a great kid. She will give you the coat off of her back in freezing cold weather, because she is kind. When most kids want to keep the last piece of candy for themselves, just ask her and she will give you hers. And if you don't have a piece of candy - you don't even have to ask... she'll give you hers. Yesterday Tim and Anna took a ride to the bank. They were having some celebration there and they had snacks to give away. Anna came home with hers unopened and she brought home one for Cameron as well. She didn't have to do that. Many kids would not. Anna did. (She did say that Cameron and Sara would have to share - but at least she thought of them). She is pretty much a joyful kid too... always a smile on her face... not many complaints. Along with that though, came Anna's struggles. Behavior issues, problems paying attention in class, being somewhat impulsive, being generally "distracted". She is a very smart child, but her grades were not reflecting that.

When we took Anna to the doctor, it was clear to him that she had ADHD. We started her on medication and things got better nearly instantly. I found myself hiding this fact from most people though, and I asked myself why. Why would I hide this???? So many people could learn from it. I'm not a doctor, but I could share MY experience, which could help someone find the courage to go to a doctor and see if this was the answer for their child who was struggling. But I hid it. I hid it because there is SO much attached to ADHD. In the Christian community, many people do not believe that ADHD is a medical issue. ADHD is a "heart issue". I disagree. If I am wrong, I will stand before God, when it is my turn, and tell Him that I truly felt this was the right thing for me to do. I truly felt that I had exhausted ALL other options with my little girl. I truly felt as though this was what I needed to do to parent her appropriately. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. But God will know my heart and the measures we took to make sure that this was not a heart, but truly a medical issue. And to the Christian community who would discourage people from seeing this resolution, I would caution them. Until you have lived with a child with ADHD, you can not fully understand the consequences and harm you are doing to a child with ADHD if you let them go untreated.

ADHD brings a feeling of shame and guilt to the parents. There is so much attached to the diagnosis. There are people looking at you thinking you are lazy and just want to medicate your child instead of raising them or disciplining them. Trust me when I say, I'm not that parent. After three years of trying (I think that would tell you that I'm not a lazy parent), seeking medical help was our last resort. Also, just becuase you have a diagnosis, it doesn't make it any easier. The medication doesn't alway work right away. You have to find the right one by trial and error. And then when you find that PERFECT one, it may only be perfect for awhile. It was perfect for Anna for eight months... we are now in the process of finding a new perfect. If it's lazy to commit to picking up a prescription from the doctor every single month, then we are lazy (you can only get a one month prescription - not more). If committing to going to the doctor at least every six months for a re-check is lazy, then we are lazy. If going to the doctor three times in the last six weeks is lazy, then we are lazy. If remembering every morning to give Anna her medication is lazy, then I'm lazy. If being in constant contact with her teachers is lazy, then I'm lazy. Trust me, a medical diagnosis of ADHD didn't mean I didn't have to work with her less. I have to work with her MORE!!!! I still have to discipline. I still have to correct!! I still have to teach!!! I have to find new ways to do it that work for her. And on top of that, I have to deal with all of the medical side of it. And here's the thing - I wouldn't change it for the world!!!

I have asked myself why God gave this to Anna and why it is in our life. I truly believe it is for a reason. I dive into things when they happen in my life. I can tell you more about RP (my eye condition) than most medical doctors. (not the specialists for sure, but the general doctors - yeah, I probably know more). I have learned so much about ADHD it isn't even funny. Also, I began to wonder something - with how prevalent ADHD is... how come it is not talked about more? And I mean in a positive way... not in a "bashing the parents, child or medication way"?

Why is there no celebrity endorser for some ADHD medication or for the condition? Think about it:

Parkinson's Disease has Michael J. Fox
MS has Ozzy Osbourne (not the best example, but people know him)
Breast Cancer has Christina Applegate
Osteoporosis has Sally Field
Digestive Health - Jamie Lee Curtis (seriously, isn't ADHD more important than being regular???)

I did some reasearch and found that there are several celebrities WITH ADD / ADHD. I was pleased to find them. You may find that strange, but they are successful, and I live for examples of people being successful with a condition such as my daughter's. Did you know that Ty Pennington of Extreme Makeover Home Edition struggled with ADHD from the time he was a child? Howe Mandel - ADHD. Michael Phelps - ADHD. When talking to Anna's doctor, I asked what this would mean for Anna's future. Do you know what he told me?

He told me that patients with ADHD are typically high achievers. They are some of the brightest children in the class. They will never be accountants. Anna will never be allowed to be an astronaut - fine with me, I don't want to send my kid to space anyway... it's too far away! But did you also know that a very high percentage of Doctors and Lawyers are ADHD? I'm good with Anna being a doctor or a lawyer. Architects have a high percentage of ADHD. This doesn't mean that Anna will be any one of these things... but it means that she CAN BE.

So, since no one has stepped up to the plate and said that they will be the "celebrity" for ADHD, I'd like to introduce myself to the world. My name is Charity Roach. I'm Anna's mom. That makes me a celebrity to her. I am a mother. I am a wife. I'm a working mom with a bachelor of science degree in chemistry. I am a QA/Validation manager for a large pharmaceutical company. I am legally blind. I love to grow unique flowers. I love my family. I'm the new face of ADHD. You won't see me on television, you won't hear me on the radio, I haven't written any books - but maybe I will someday. But what I am is an advocate for parents and children with ADHD. I'm the one who is going to ask you not to just write them off as "bad kids who can't learn". They are smart kids who want to learn but have something that is stopping them!

I'm going to start sharing more about our trials and triumphs with Anna and ADHD - because in order to ask others to not be ashamed... I need to show that I am not ashamed. If you don't believe in ADHD you might want to stop reading my blog. If you think God doesn't want my daughter on medication, then you should surely stop reading my blog. Because I am going to share it all. Not because I want to share such a personal part of my daughter's life, but because maybe someone will see their child in my struggles and will know they are not alone.

In Christ,
Charity

PS - the pictures are from the recent snow storm in SC that gave me three extra days home with my children, the kids not wanting to get out of bed on their snow day and poor Sara - feeling sick from her immunizations.

Blog posts are coming... this weekend

2011-01-14T14:33:00.000-05:00

I've had two VERY important blog posts running around in my head but have refrained from writing them until I had my thoughts fully gathered. I gathered them this morning. Tim says I should write a book about one of them.... we'll see. Anyway, stay tuned (my few faithful readers) I have pictures to share as well.

In Christ,
Charity

Welcome, 2011

2011-01-01T22:04:00.000-05:00

A month ago, if you asked me if I would be "welcoming" in 2011, I would have probably thought you were crazy. With all of the uncertainty that 2011 has to offer.... no thanks! I'll stay with the tried and true, 2010. Not that 2010 didn' t have its issues, but they were "known" issues. They were ones that I had already dealt with. I knew what they were and I was comfortable with them. I was comfortable sitting in 2010 with my job being secure (up until the very end there), I was happy with my home (up until the very end there, when we had the "flood"... more about that later), I was happy with my kids - especially at the end there, when Sara was added to our family, I was happy with my husband - and still am - up until the end there when there was that flood (just kidding Tim - I'm still happy with ya!). Then there was the end of the year, when our jobs became uncertain, decisions were hard to make because all of the information is not known yet, and not knowing what 2011 has in store for us. It seemed difficult for me.

I'm a PLANNER!!! If you didn't know that about me before, you know that about me now. I plan my life. Every last detail of it. I look at situations and analyze them. I have to... I think it's genetic! I think I think of every possible scenario before I do something and then plan my escape route for all negative outcomes. Tim doesn't do that. He is a bit of a planner, but not as much as I am. So when the work thing came, it hit me hard... a bit harder than Tim. He can sit back, wait and see what happens. In my mind, that would mean we are wasting time. The house could be on the market, we could be interviewing - granted we could be missing out on an opportunity, but the sure thing is better than maybe something. Anyway, so me and my "planning" self were having some difficulty with 2011 about a month ago.

Then something happened. I turned it all over to God and decided that God will place us where we need to be, when we need to be there. If we have a job somewhere else that God wants us to be, He will make sure our house gets sold in an appropriate time frame (it's not on the market). He'll let us know when it needs to be. He'll make sure that it is something that will work out for both me and Tim, and more importantly, will be a place where the kids, Tim and I can continue to grow spiritually. That's the most important thing after all. Sure, we need money to take care of the physical things here on earth, but what is more important, is that God is leading us somewhere, where our relationship with Him will flourish.

2011 will be the first year in 3 years that we are not waiting on some portion of an adoption process. I hate to say it, but I'm actually looking forward to that. It has been emotionally draining for the past three years waiting for our daughter to come home - and at times, even wondering where she would be coming home from. We have some loose ends to tie up for the whole adoption, but our daughter is home! That is all that matters. I'm looking forward to watching her continue to settle into our family in 2011.

We are planning on doing some traveling with the kids in 2011! For the past three years, we have put off going on a major family vacation, due to the fact that we were always expecting to have to travel for the adoption. Well, after three years, since that is complete, we will be able to go where we want to go. We are looking forward to that for sure!

It's good to see the passing of 2010 for so many reasons. I hate to think about another year of my life with my family gone, and I definitely do not wish the kids to get older, but this year has been a difficult one. Que the flood story:

So, remember way back when - like in July, when we got the floors done? Remember me climbing through bedroom windows for a week so I didn't have to stay at a hotel. Remember me inhaling fumes for an entire week (admittedly, I kinda liked that :). Remember me pushing a guide dog through a bedroom window? Kids eating in the bedroom because they couldn't walk on the floors? I guess if you didn't live it, it was easy to forget. I remember well. Oh, and the floors - they turned out beautiful. Fast forward to December. Tim and I have two weeks off for the holidays. We decided to use this time to do a much needed home improvement project in one of the second floor bathrooms. Cameron's bathroom desperately needed a remodel. I painted the cabinets some time ago, but we decided we were going to tile the floor and put up some decorative glass tiles around the shower, install a new toilet, replace the fixtures and things like that. Tim spent countless hours cutting tiles and installing the floor. It was looking good. He got all the tiles laid, the grout put down, the quarter-round up, the tile sealant on - it was time to install the toilet. This was on Tuesday. We were going to my mom's on Wednesday to see my sister and her family who I rarely get to see. I was carrying some laundry into the bedroom to fold and all of a sudden I heard a terrible noise. Sounded like a small water fall, which is a nice sound except when it is in your house. I ran into the kitchen to see Tim running out of the house (for a minute I was thinking - nice of you to save the women and children :) but then it hit me... literally. Right smack on the head! Gallons of water were coming out of the kitchen ceiling onto our 4 month old hardwood floors. It's coming out throught the recessed lighting. I ran upstairs to see what had happened and as I went down the hallway, it was as though someone turned on a faucet right under the wall and water was coming out from under the bathroom wall into the hallway. Not just a trickle of water, but a LOT of water.

Tim was outside of the house turning off the main water supply line to the house. When he came back in, I asked him if he had any idea what just happened upstairs and in the kitchen. He said "I know". Poor guy. I think he thought I was mad at him. I wasn't. Especially after he told me what had happened. My only question to him was - why didn't you turn off the water before you did anything up there. He had turned off the valve at the toilet, but the pipe broke in the wall. It could not have been helped. I was upset about the kitchen, I was upset about upstairs, I was upset that I would not get to see my sister the next day....

It all worked out fine. As I am typing the pad has been removed from the carpeting upstairs and a blower is running underneath the carpet to dry the carpeting and floor. The pad will be replaced. The kitchen floor has been dried and no damage seems to have been done. The kitchen ceiling is drying. It will need to be patched and painted, but it's not permanately damaged. The plumber cut a hole in the wall in the bathroom to fix the plumbing - but it will be repaired easily. AND... I was able to go spend a wonderful day with my sister and her family. All is well that ends well.

So, we are now looking forward to 2011. 2011 should be an adventure for our family. 2011 will probably teach me a lesson in planning - that not everything can be planned, and even if it could, I'm not the planner. God holds the master plan - our family just needs to follow it. It may not always be comfortable, and I may sometimes ask why, but a plan is a plan, and God's is the best. So... let me in on the plan God - when you feel like I need to know. Until then, we will wait, pray and enjoy what you have to offer us in 2011. Thank you for ALL of our blessings in 2010!

Happy New Year!

In Christ,
Charity

Merry Christmas!!!

2010-12-25T05:13:00.000-05:00

I can't believe how long it has been since I have blogged.... I guess things have just been very busy! Here it is, Christmas morning, and I'm up before the kids.... How is that possible? I remember Christmas when I was a kid - Christmas always came on Christmas Eve. I guess because we had so much running around to do on Christmas Day, going to both grandmothers' houses to celebrate. Anyway, each year we would go out and go for a walk around the subdivision to look at all the Christmas lights. We would all be out in the driveway, ready to go, and mom would suddenly have to go in and go to the bathroom. She took a LONG time (she must've had to go really bad :) and then when she came out, we would go take our walk. Every time, when we got home, Santa had arrived at our home! We then got to open our gifts. I know it is a silly thing, but it's something that I remember. It was our tradition. We had a toboggan that my uncle Jim had made for us three girls and my dad would pull my youngest sister around the neighborhood on that. (My older sister and I were too cool for that - even if we have pictures to prove otherwise.) I want some of those same traditions with my family. Since we are in SC, there will be no sledding, but we can make our own "non-snow" traditions. This year we started with the lights at the zoo. We loved them and will go every year - whether the kids want to or not! We created memories! And had a lot of fun in the process!

It's been a wonderful year! To think that this time last year, we were waking up, dossier in Ethiopia, but no idea what child would join our family, or when. Now, here we are a year later and little Sara is snuggled up in her bed with no idea of what is to come this morning! She probably won't really understand a whole lot. Next year though - will be a BLAST! We are so blessed to have this little girl in our family! God's plan, as I have always said, was going to be good. Not only was it good, but it was GREAT!

I'm going to have to be creative this year about pictures of the kids this morning. I'm a bad mom and I left my picture transfer thingy (I know, very technical) and my memory card full of pictures at work. I guess pictures with the camera on the phone are in order. I was going to run out to work and get it last night, but we went to a party at a friend's house with the kids, and I didn't want to make Tim run out and get it and make the kids sit in the car. The camera on the phone will do... yet another memory!

Tim has spent the last few days laying tile in Cameron's bathroom. It is going to look so good when he is done. He laid and glued all the tile yesterday and will probably grout it tonight. Oooohhh, I can't tell you how much better it looks even just with the tile down and the little spacer things in it, with NO grout. That is how bad I hated the other floor! We also picked out some awesome glass tiles to go above the shower! I can't wait to get those up. I don't think Tim has ever done wall tiles before, but I'm sure he will do a great job. I'll post pictures when he is done! The man deserves a break at Christmas! (I think he really enjoys it though!)

The reason for the season - Christ! My savior! The savior of my husband! The savior of two of my children! The savior I pray that Sara will choose. Today, so long ago, a baby was born to save me! Almost unthinkable and only thinkable by God! And who else, but God, would sacrifice their son, for the world? I am literally, eternally grateful!

Merry Christmas everyone!

In Christ,
Charity

Being Carried...

2010-12-09T09:33:00.001-05:00

The other day, I posted this as my status on facebook:

Why do I struggle in His hands when I know He carries me to safe places? I'm like a small child struggling from their mother's arms, wanting independence and control, getting down only to get lost. Thank God He is the ultimate father - just like a mother always seeks her child, God always seeks me - even when I struggle away from His grasp. I've never gone too far. I need to settle in and be carried by Him.

I wanted to take some time and kind of explain what I meant. When this thought came to mind, I was getting the kids ready for school / childcare one morning. Specifically, I was doing Sara's hair. Sara is 19 months old and a bit of a wiggle worm. She does not like to get her hair done, although she is learning that it is a daily necessity. Anyway, on this particular day, she was not really wanting to cooperate. She was wiggling all over while I was trying to put ponies in her VERY curly hair. As she was wiggling around and I was trying to keep hold of her head, the thought I wrote above came to mind.

Why is it that I wiggle and squirm until I am outside of the hands that I know guide me to saftey? Once I wiggle free of God's hands, I feel like I have accomplished something. Like I have achieved something big. Sara does the same thing. If I'm holding her, and she decides she wants to get down, she wiggles and squirms until she is out of my arms. She then stands there, looks very pleased with herself, smiles and then goes about business under her own will and her own control. She doesn't seem to understand that trouble lurks everywhere. How can I expect a small child to understand the need to stay in safe hands, when I, as an adult seem to have days where I can't grasp that concept?

I think it is in our nature to want to "control" our own lives. No one likes to be told what to do. We like to give ourselves the freedom to make our own choices and deciding what will benefit us more than others. It's only natural. God's way is not the natural way - until you make it your natural way.

Living in the comfort of God's safe hands, is not "comfortable" at first. I remember when we first met Sara - she wanted nothing to do with us. She litterally cried at the sight of us, and when we held her, she arched her back and held her arms out to her nanny. It was what she knew. She didn't know that I had more to give her. I would love her forever. I would not just meet her needs, but I would help her to thrive. After a few days, she would allow us to hold her. One day she fell asleep in my arms. It was such a joy for me. I handed her over to Tim so he could feel her resting comfortably in his arms as well. Today, she falls asleep each night in my arms. She reaches to me to hold her. I don't have to beg her to be with me - she reaches for me and I'm there for her. As she learns to trust and obey me, I can give her more freedom, because she will respond to me if danger is near. I can learn from this.

I have never truly rested in the hands of God. I have been testing this water, but I quickly seek an opportunity to control my own destiny. It has been an ideal time lately as our future at work is so uncertain. I don't really "seek" opportunities to control my future... I just respond at the first opportunity I have to make a decision - so I feel like I am in control. I have begun to make a conscious decision to rest. I am trying really hard to just climb into God's hands and let Him lead me. I'm not good at it yet. I'm like Sara. I hope soon I will fall asleep peacefully in the arms of God and then learn to reach for Him, knowing and trusting that He will carry me. It's a very hard lesson to learn. But at this time in my life, there has never been a more appropriate time to test that water. I'll let you know how I do!

In Christ,
Charity

Great Giveaway Available

2010-12-02T12:14:00.000-05:00

My friend Heather at The Other White House is having a great give away. Go and check out her blog. Leave her a comment, follow her blog, link her give away to your blog, live in the US and leave her a comment telling her you linked to her, and you will be in the running! I'm in the running! She has great craft ideas and lots of good photos. Besides that, she's a good friend :)

Good luck!

So Thankful

2010-11-27T15:51:00.001-05:00

There are so many things for me to be thankful for this Thanksgiving weekend. This post is a couple days late in coming, but I felt my time was better spent with my family making memories than trying to write my thoughts on this blog. The blog could wait... my family could not!

I am SO very thankful that Sara is home with us for Thanksgiving. She is such a joy to our family and I love her more and more every day. She has bonded so well. She is such a happy little girl! Seriously, ALWAYS happy. The only time she gets a bit crabby is when she is tired. And she doesn't really get crabby, she just gets emotional. If you tell her no to something, she will start to cry. Normally, she will just understand that she can't do whatever we told her "no" to, and move on. When she is tired, she will cry.

I'm very thankful for my family. I'm thankful for Tim, Cameron and Anna - along with my little Sara. We had a really nice Thanksgiving dinner with my mom and Denis. We traveled over to their home and spent the day with them. It was very nice. Mom and Denis got to spend some time getting to know Sara and we got to spend time talking and catching up on things. It was very nice.

I'm thankful for the God who saved me. He has blessed my life in so many ways, the greatest of which is to allow me to spend eternity with Him. You really couldn't ask for more. I'm thankful for the husband He provided for me and the children He blessed me with.

I'm thankful for my job. A bit hard to say right now, but since I still have one, I'm thankful for it. For Tim and I, this is the company that has provided for our family for the last 7 years for me and 10 years for Tim. It's hard to not be thankful for that. I don't know what company we will be working for in the future, but for now, we continue to work for Roche, and I continue to be thankful.

For an update on Ms. Sara - she is doing absolutely wonderful. She has been with us now for almost 4 weeks. She is nearly potty trained when it comes to #2. She does not tell me when she has to go, but I know her schedule, and I have not had to change a dirty diaper in three weeks! What a blessing that is! She is very good at listening to what we tell her to do in English. She is not saying very many English words, but she is learning them quickly. She can now say "mama", "dada", "baby", "light" and "doggie". She also learned to give kisses today. She now has to kiss me about 100 times an hour. I love it! She LOVES to go for walks and loves to play rough. She sleeps like an absolute charm. You never hear a peep out of her after you put her to bed. She is still extremely shy in new situations. She warms up to people quickly though. She likes grandma and Denis and loves, loves, loves her brother and sister!

Cameron and Anna have adjusted easily to having a new family member. They really love her. She is the perfect fit into our family.

Sometimes I look at Sara and the three years it took us to get her and I'm a bit overwhelmed. God's plan was perfect!!! I said it all along, but now I can SEE that it really was. I can not imagine not having Sara in our lives. I'm so thankful. Adoption is such a miracle. It's all God!

Happy Thanksgiving from our family to yours!

In Christ,
Charity

And now for some not so good news....

2010-11-20T18:03:00.000-05:00

I want to share with you some very personal information. It's hard to share, but I'm sharing in hopes that you will pray for us - pray for our family and pray for my colleagues.

So, I went back into work on Monday. Monday was tough, leaving Sara at child care and then being back to work after quite some time away. I had a lot to catch up on. It was rough. By the end of the day I was ready to go home. I was anxious to see how Sara did. Not a good day.

Relatively speaking though, Monday was wonderful. Tuesday turned out to be the really bad day. On Tuesday we were called into an all employee staff meeting and were told that our branch of the company was being put on the market. No one saw it coming. It was a slap in the face.

We are a bulk active pharmaceutical ingredient manufacturer. We make the active ingredients for many pharmaceutical compounds. We make the active ingredient for an obesity drug. We make the active ingredient for a cancer drug. We also make the active ingredient for pandemic flu drugs. I've worked at small molecule API manufacturing facilities my entire life. It's all I know. Sure, my knowledge can be applied to other areas - anything that requires GMP's, but I LOVE API manufacturing.

Our site is beautiful - but it's also expensive. In this economy, who knows if it will be sold. And if it is sold, will it be sold to a reputable company?

So, our world was pretty much turned upside down. In the middle of all of this, Tim was in Switzerland. We couldn't even discuss the impact to our family.  For those of you who don't know, Tim and I work at the same company.... so, our family is pretty impacted.

Right now, it's difficult. We are adjusting to a new addition to our family, and then this. God's timing is perfect though. If this happened a month ago, I could not, in good conscience, have gone and gotten Sara. It's just too uncertain. God wanted this little girl to come home to our family though. I'm confident in that.

I'm also confident in the fact that God is holding us securely in His hand. I wish I knew what was on the other side of this journey, but I don't. He's not going to tell me either... not until we've walked thru it. It's difficult. Faith is difficult when it's challenged. Trust is difficult when it's challenged. We need faith and trust in God to make it through this. My prayer is that when we do get to the other side of this, that we will be thankful for having gone through it. I pray the grass is greener on the other side. I don't know at this point what "the other side of this" will mean for Tim and I. Will it mean we are still living in Florence, just working for another company? Or will it mean picking up our family and taking our journey to somewhere new? I wish I knew, but only time will tell. We will wait and see where God leads our family. I'm sure it will be to somewhere good. While we wait though, we're scared... at least I am. I think God would be OK with that.

Shortly we will begin to see friends leave.  The people I have worked with for the past 7 1/2 years have become more like family than colleagues. Some of them will be asked to leave. Some will leave due to the uncertainty. Either way, it will be hard to see them go. I'm dreading it. Please pray for all of my colleagues as they find their way in this journey and find where God is leading their families. Right now, it's not seeming like a good place - I pray that it ends up being good for each and every one of them.

I told Tim yesterday that it's so hard to be thankful for what you have, when it seems like a huge portion of what you have could quickly be stripped away.  That is hard. But, I still have my job right now, and for that, I'm thankful. It's likely that both Tim and I are secure for a relatively decent period of time. For that I am thankful. I'm thankful for my family. I'm thankful for an optimist husband. I'm the realist wife. It's actually a good combination in times like this. I'm thankful for Cameron. My helpful child. I'm thankful for Anna - my generous child. I'm thankful for Sara - my happy little chatterbox. I'm thankful for my mom and Denis who have been willing to help at a moments notice recently. I'm thankful for MY God who will carry our family through this.

Please keep us in your prayers as we make our way through these uncertain times.

In Christ,
Charity

Back to work

2010-11-15T19:31:00.000-05:00

With a very heavy heart, I headed back to work today. It was very difficult for me. I got all of Sara's things packed up to take with her, and it felt like I was moving her out of the house.... Getting ready for work this morning I was stressed. I wanted to throw up and I cried more than once. I didn't want to go back. I didn't want to leave Sara. I was sure after all the bonding we did, that the daycare people would just undo it all! What if she hated it? What would I do then?

Well, time kept ticking by and needless to say it got to the point where I had to go into work. We stopped by Sara's child care first. I wish I could send all the kids to the same place, but Cameron and Anna's school does not start childcare until 3K. So, Sara couldn't go there. We did find a wonderful place for her to go though. So, we pulled into the childcare facility. I hugged her tighter than I think I have every hugged her before. I took all of her things into the classroom and started organizing her things in her cubby and telling the teachers what she liked, didn't like and how she is using the potty now. I had put Sara down and started to show her around the room. Well, she clung to my legs. In a way, that made me feel good. But then, one of the childcare providers came up and started interacting with her and Sara decided to go with her. As they were exploring, I stepped out. There were no tears - well, not for Sara anyway. I felt like I was leaving my little girl! When I got back in the car, Cameron asked why I was crying. I said "I cried for you, I cried for Anna, it is only fitting that I cry for Sara as well". I knew she was in good hands or I would not have left her there, but I wanted her with me!

I managed to keep myself from calling until around 11:00. the childcare director took my call and I asked her how Sara was doing. She said she was doing wonderfully! She said she had poked her head in several times and she seemed very content and happy. She also said that ever since we notified them that we were going to place Sara there, and then when we were going to get her, that they prayed for her at staff meetings. They prayed for the transition of her into our family and for all of our safe travels. She said everyone poked their head in to see Sara today because they desperately wanted to see the child they had been praying for. Everyone fell in love with her! It was SO good to hear!

Tim had to go out of town this week, so I had to do the first day of child care on my own. Cameron and Anna understood the stress of sending her off, so they helped me out a TON this morning and also this evening. Cameron wanted me to have a "relaxing" evening after my stressful morning this morning, so he basically took over the house. It gave me time to play a little with Sara.

This evening I realized that Sara loves to have her head scratched after I take out her pony tails in the evening. Not really scratched, but rubbed with my fingernails.... I love that feeling too. I also found out that my baby girl likes reese's peanut butter cups! She will immediately sit on the kitchen floor with her mouth open like a bird when she sees me get one out. She knows she has to be sitting to eat and it has to be in the kitchen!

All in all, after my initial heartbreak this morning, it ended up being an ok day. Sara loved day care. They said she did not cry at all the entire day, and that she used the potty all day long! Horray for that! They were thrilled with her and I'm thrilled with them! Getting the first day out of the way is the hardest....

If you stop by and read this, leave me a comment. I love to read all of your comments and if you have a blog, leave me information on your blog. I have decided I need to add to my blog list. I want to keep up with some families who are just starting out on their adoption journeys... I need to read stories to keep this magical feeling alive in me regarding adoption. Every story is a miracle unfolding. So, read, comment and leave me your blog address. Even if you don't have a blog, leave me a comment. Let me know what you want to know about... otherwise, I just keep writing about life - it's what I know!

Surprisingly enough, this is one happy, blessed mom at the end of what started out as a pretty rough day!

Praise God for the child care that I have and the children that only HE gave me! I truly am blessed!

In Christ,
Charity

Look what happened today....

2010-11-09T15:51:00.000-05:00

They say that kids will make liars out of you.... well, I guess that is true. Remember the post yesterday where I said that Sara didn't like Pearl. Well, look what I found today....

Sara decided to climb up on Pearl's mat and hang out with her this morning. It was so cute. I heard some babbling and I went and looked and there Sara was - hanging out on the corner of Pearl's mat talking to her. For the girl who screamed every time Pearl walked by, this was amazing. I think these two are going to end up being best buddies!

In Christ,
Charity

The things I have learned

2010-11-08T14:01:00.000-05:00

Now that we are home, I am really beginning to learn about Sara's likes and dislikes - and basically just about her in general. It was very hard to determine her personality sitting in a hotel room with very little to do with a toddler. Besides that, everyone was tired and it was difficult just to make it thru the day, let alone really absorb my new daughter. But since I have been home, I have found out a lot about Ms. Sara Joy:

She is shy. She is quiet around new people and only opens up when she is really comfortable. There is no pushing her into doing anything or interacting with anyone she does not want to. She just won't do it.

She has bonded really well with her momma! I've been doing most of the care giving, so that's understandable. Tim has offered to help, but Sara is a bit more comfortable with me right now. Tim understands this and really just wants Sara to be content, so he is waiting patiently. Also, Tim leaves in a week to go to Basel and I will be home by myself with her this week while Tim is at work and then next week while he is in Basel, so it was very important for her to get comfortable with me.

Sara loves her brother and sister. It didn't take her long to warm up to Cameron and Anna. I think it was because they are kids. She is used to all sorts of kids. Plus they are a little darker complected, so it's more along the lines of what she is used to. No matter what the reason, she loves them. AND... they are both SMITTEN by her. Even Cameron. It really surprised me. I was sure Anna would be in love with her, but I figured Cameron, being 11, would be a bit disinterested. Nope, he is in love with her. It's so sweet to see him help her up and down stairs and make sure she doesn't get hurt. Anna would love to change her diaper... not sure I'm up for that one yet!

Sara is an EXCELLENT sleeper. After just two nights AND the change for daylight savings time, she is on a normal schedule. She goes to sleep around 7:30 or 8:00 and will sleep until about 6:00. Perfect!

Sara wakes up happy! She gets out of bed easily and likes to chatter right after waking up.

She LOVES her bath.

She LOVES to eat. We're working with her on eating too much. They fed her a TON at the orphanage.

She is happy when her belly is full.

She likes to wander around the house - she has already figured out which room is hers and the fact that this is where she can sleep, play and where her toys are.

She is a helper. She picks things up constantly to give them to you.

She understands a TON of English. She did not hear much of it at the transition home, so she clearly picked up on it quickly.

She likes grandma's chicken noodle soup - well everything but the chicken. She spit that out.

She LOVES, LOVES, LOVES bananas.

She does not like Pearl - she is finally to the point of tollerating her. You can see progress every day.

She does not like the cats, but does like them more than Pearl.

She does NOT like the swings at the park.

She LOVES to walk outside.

She responds to "Sara". When I call her she will say "huh". I'll have to work on her manners :)

She enjoys being outside.

She falls alseep in an instant. She will cry for less than one minute and then she is out.

She is a WIGGLER in bed. I mean ALL OVER THE PLACE.

She doesn't like to get her teeth brushed. Probably just not used to it.

She likes to be active.

She actually likes to snuggle, but on her terms, not yours.

She helps you get her dressed. She puts her arms in the sleeves and her legs in the pant holes and holds her feet out to put on her socks. Too cute!

It has been very interesting since we have been home learning all about this little girl. I'm sure it's just the tip of the iceberg!

In Christ,
Charity

We are HOME!!!

2010-11-07T10:57:00.000-05:00

After about 27 hours of travel, we finally made it home yesterday afternoon at about 3:30 with Sara Joy! It was an absolutely amazing adventure to say the least. I see the work of God ALL OVER this adoption. It gives me chills to think of all the ways I have seen God work in my heart during this process, and to just watch His perfect plan unfold. Everything that happened, He knew. Everything that happened was in his control. Everything that happened was for His purpose. Everything that happened was perfect.

I wish I would have had the opportunity to update while we were in country... but the internet connection was intermittent at best. Some times it was completely non-existent. I was also focused on bonding with this incredible little girl. I was so focused on her, that I didn't even get a single picture. I know... I'm a bad mom. I was focused on remembering the moment in my head - which in my mind is more important than getting it on my camera memory card.

We arrived there late Sunday night. We were able to take our two totes. There is an interesting story behind that... they almost charged us $150 for one extra tote. I saw God work in that. (He was working on my patience at that point). Finally, we were able to convince the person behind the counter that there was not $150 worth of stuff in the tote and it was insane for me to pay that much - especially when the cost of the extra tote would have only been $25 or $50 if we paid it in Columbia. BUT, the person in Columbia told us there was no charge for the tote because tags were printed without a charge. When we got to Washington they wanted to charge us. When I asked how much they said $150. I nearly had a heart attack. Anyway, after waiting three hours to talk to someone (someone who said I was not being patient - really, THREE HOURS is not patient???) they finally said that we did not have to pay for the tote. Thankfully Kelly and Matt saved us some overhead compartment space because we were the last people on the plane and it was full. We got settled in for the long ride, and were on our way.

We arrived Sunday night and got settled into the hotel. All of our baggage and totes arrived so we were set. All we had to do was go to sleep and in the morning we would get Sara.

Monday morning we went to the transition home and picked up Sara. Once again, she was not thrilled to see us, but adjusted quickly. I was surprised when we left with her, that she was fine with it. We rode over to the hotel and got to know each other. It was interesting. She didn't really like me, but she liked me a little bit more than Tim. I chalk that up to the fact that there were women who took care of her, not men. She eventually would let Tim interact with her, but it took some time. When she needed to be put to sleep, she wanted me, and I was fine with that. We basically spent the day in the hotel. She eats and sleeps well. We will have to change some of her eating habits, but that will happen over time. It has already started to happen.

Tuesday we went to the orphanage. We took a tote of donations over there. The nannies were THRILLED. Thank you to all who donated each and every item. They were happy with them all! We received several monetary donations, and the night before we left, we took the kids to tar.get and split up the money and let them each pick things for the kids from the baby aisles (diaper cream, lotion, tylenol, stickers, coloring books, baby food, thermometers... things like that). We had a BUNCH to take and as I said, they were thrilled.

Anyway, before going over to the orphanage, I did Sara's hair. I attempted to do it the way it was when I picked her up on Monday - simply because I knew of no other way. Apparently, even though I thought I did a decent job, with a child who was screaming and moving around while I was trying to do her hair, they didn't think so. After ooohhhing and aaahhhing over her (they really did seem happy to see her again) we were upstairs playing with the other children and I looked over and they were taking Sara's hair ponytails out and were redoing it :) Oh well.... I've gotten better at it now and have actually gotten compliments on it :)

My favorite little orphan girl (besides Sara, who is NO LONGER AN ORPHAN :) ) was there - Kalkatu. I noticed her right away by her big huge smile and her little tongue just sticking out!!! She smiled so big at me and then fell into my arms. She did the same with Tim. I'm telling you, if I didn't know any better, it would have seemed like God was telling me to take this little one too. She was just attracted to Tim and I like a little magnet. I think though, that this is it for Tim and I. I know I said before that I wanted another, but I think that we have hit the balance square on the head with the addition of Sara to our family. It is important to me to have enough time for each child in our home, and as much as I would love another, I think God has given me peace that this is enough. We'll see if that changes over time, but Tim and I actually talked about it before we left, and while we were there. We'll leave it in God's hands, but right now, He seems to be telling both of us that this is the number for our family.

We were very surprised to learn that Sara loves to take a bath. When I put her in the tub, I thought she would scream... but she did just the opposite. It was like she has lived in the water and it was her second home. She absolutely LOVED it. We brought some bath toys with us, so she enjoyed playing with those.

Wednesday we met up with Craig and Amanda Dyson. They are missionaries living just outside of Addis Ababa. The church we used to attend supports them and I learned of them thru there. They are two very wonderful people. I am not one to venture out and meet people, but I am SO glad that I did. Amanda was very sweet. They have a little boy Jackson, who was adopted domestically and we got to meet him as well. They were so willing to help us in any way that they could. They took us to some shops that they knew were reputable and we were able to get some last minute things that we wanted to bring home. Amanda even gave me a gift - and Ethiopian scarf, some coffee, tea and a bracelet. It was so very thoughtful. After shopping we went to the Island Breeze restraunt. It is safe American food. They had the best pizza I have had in a long time. It was very nice to spend time with them.

Thursday we had our Embassy appointment. When we got there, we waited for our turn, but as we were waiting, a man came out and said that the computers were down and they didn't know when they would be back up. They said everyone should leave - except those who were adopting. Thank goodness, because we had to have our embassy appt that day in order to get our Visa on Friday and leave on time. They could not guarantee that the computers would be up and running, but they would do their best to make sure we were able to leave on Friday. I put it all in God's hands and felt secure in the fact that He would get us home!

We passed our embassy appointment with no problem. After embassy we went to the Family Restaurant for dinner / ice cream. I had wanted ice cream since Monday night and no one had any. When we saw an ad for this place and they had ice cream, the whole group went over for dinner and to celebrate!

Friday morning we were to go back to the transition home at 11:00 to pick up our Visas if they were indeed ready. Thankfully, they were. We got our visas and then went back to the hotel and had lunch. After lunch we packed up and just hung out with Sara until 7:00 when we headed to the airport for the journey home.

If you are friends with me on Facebook, I was able to update a couple of times and in one of my updates I told of an interesting turn of events....here is the story.

When we were given Sara's referral, we were told that she was 14 months old. Which would now make her 18 months. We were given a birth date of April 16th. When we got her paper work, it said she was born October 24th - which puts her at just over 12 months. It is clearly not the case. We were told though, that we had to answer things at the embassy just like what we had in the paperwork. I have pictures of her from before October 24th - I have some from as early as early September and she was clearly about 4 - 5 months old then, if not even a bit older. I wanted to joke that it was nice for them to send me the 3D ultrasounds because they were so realistic - I just wonder how the nanny holding her got into the womb as well. But, I kept it to myself. I talked to Tim about the fact that we were possibly going to have to address this at the embassy and I didn't want to lie. Again, I left it in God's hands. I could say that "we were given information that she was born Oct. 24th" and that would not be lying, but that would not be telling the entire truth either. I actually got an upset stomach over it.

When our time came for our embassy interview, I was very nervous. God was in control... that was all I could tell myself. I really did not want to have to lie to get my daughter out of the country though. I was nearly shaking. The gentleman started asking us questions - did we meet Sara before court, was this the child we met, what did we know about her family... and then he said, well, Sara was checked out by a US doctor working in Addis and he feels as though Sara is more like 18 months than 12 months. Do you have a problem with this? I nearly started crying. God took care of it! I didn't have to worry! We had a very open discussion with the gentleman and he said it was no problem at all, that birth records in Ethiopia are not like they are in the US. Also, there are often translation errors made. Just so long as she fell into our home study range (and she did) we were fine as long as we were ok with an 18 month old. We were MORE THAN OK - that was what we expected! Thank you God for working that out for us!

Sara did excellent on the trip home. She is very attached to me and insisted that I attend to her the entire time. Tim was great about it and offered to help, but I just needed to keep her from screaming on the plane, so I dealt with her. She rode in her car seat well (for the very first time!) on the way home from the airport and then came home to meet Cameron, Anna, Grandma and Denis. She warmed up to all of them right away. She has a special love for Cameron and Anna it seems.

Well, Sara is about to wake from a nap and Cameron would like to get on this computer, so I need to stop writing. Needless to say, we are THRILLED with Sara and how she has adjusted to our family. We are all totally in love with her.

Thank you for all of your prayers through this journey. I have so much more to share and will do it over the next few days.

In Christ,
Charity

On our way (almost) - and a thank you!

2010-10-29T22:53:00.000-04:00

We are almost on our way.... this time next week, we will be on our way home - WITH SARA JOY!!! Sara's things are packed. The totes are packed. Tim is partially packed. I am partially packed. It's been a LONG day and I'm ready for it to be over. I hope I'm this tired when I hop on that 17 hour plane ride tomorrow afternoon...

The totes:
We have totes PACKED FULL OF SUPPLIES!!! We were thrilled with all of the donations that people made for the little orphan darlings in Ethiopia. You can't imagine what I was able to fit in those totes. I'll tell you a bit of what we have in there:
3 soccer balls
20 bibs
over 150 pair of socks (YEA!!!!)
scrubs (in all sizes)
diapers
latex gloves
26 tubes of toothpaste
over 350 tooth brushes
4000 stickers
4 boxes of crayons
coloring books
2 thermometers
tubs of diaper rash cream
baby tylenol
band-aids
hand sanitizer
baby lotion
vaseline
kids' clothes
teething gel
2 infant pop up toys
toddler bead toy

I want to thank everyone who sent donations for our family to take to Ethiopia. I want to say a special thank you to "D" who drove all the way from her home in NC today, 1 1/2 hours each way, to drop 300 toothbrushes and a dozen tubes of toothpaste on my front porch. She also sent 4 different sized sets of nursing scrubs - all packaged by size, with a ribbon tied around them to keep them neatly packed. It was touching for me to think that someone would drive 3 hours round trip to make sure our family got to take some supplies to Ethiopia. She also gave us a monetary donation to purchase items in Ethiopia that are better purchased there.

This was just one of the many touching donations that were made. This one really touched my heart though, because of the distance that this wonderful woman of God went to make sure we could take these items. Again, thank you "D" for having such a big heart :)

To everyone who so generously donated - THANK YOU! I pray that God will bless you many times over in return. I can't wait to bring these items over to the orphanages and take pictures of the little ones again!

I really can not believe how close we are to bringing our little Sara Joy home. It's now right around the corner! I'm looking forward to meeting up with all of my travel friends in Washington. Safe travels to the Brocious, Wright, Baum and Warren families.... can't wait to see you all!

Please pray for our travels. Please pray for a smooth transition for Sara Joy into our family. I pray she gets to know us and is comfortable with us before we turn her world upside down by bringing her home. Pray for our travels with an 18 month old. Also, please pray for my mom and Denis as they care for the kids while we are away - and for Cameron and Anna, that they will be safe while we are away and that they will have so much fun with grandma and Denis that they will not miss us too much.

I can't wait to come home and share pictures. Last time we were in Ethiopia I was not able to update the blog. I'll have to do it when I get home. If you want, join me on facebook...I'll be able to update on there while we are in Ethiopia.

Next time I post, Sara Joy will be a US citizen and will be sleeping in her bed for the very first time!!!

So happy to be on this journey!
In Christ,
Charity

One more week....

2010-10-24T17:27:00.000-04:00

I began thinking today about just how life is going to change.... and it is going to change! That is for sure. Cameron is 11 and Anna is 7. It's been over 5 years since we had a child as small as Sara in our home! Gone are the lazy, relaxing days.... but she is well worth it.

Tim put up Sara's shelves today. The things we got her from our last trip to Ethiopia look really good in her room. Now that I have the shelves up though, I realize that I'm lacking a couple of pictures. We'll look for them this week and I'll get them up before we leave. I want her room to be completely done when we come home

Sara's things are laid out for the trip. We figured that Tim would take a bigger suitcase this time, and that he and Sara would share. That way we can still take two totes over with us. We are both taking less in terms of clothing this time. The laundry service at the hotel was cheap and great. The turn around time was wonderful. You set it out on your bed in the morning, and by the evening it appeared back there completely clean. It was great! It will save us some much needed suitcase room as well!

We didn't skimp on Sara's clothes though. It's so difficult to judge what size clothes she needs, so I just packed a bunch of different stuff, in hopes that something will work. In my mind's eye, she is much bigger than Cameron and Anna were at her age. Also, the clothes she was wearing at the transition home didn't really fit her, and were always layered, so who knows what size she really was. She is now just over 18 months, and we brought her 24 month clothes. I think we threw a couple 18 months in there as well. I hope something works. As for shoes....well, we didn't measure her foot while we were there, like we should have. Shoes are important to a kid who is walking. They reported she wears a size 1 shoe. Ah... I don't think so. We estimated about a size 5. If those don't work, she'll be walking around in her socks until we get home. Not sure what else to do.

We haven't even gone yet, and I'm anxious to get home. I don't like being away from the kids. I know they are in great hands with my mom and Denis, and the kids love them being here, especially since they don't have to go to after school care with them here - but I don't like being away from THEM! You miss out on a lot. Luckily Cameron and Anna have a program, but it is the week we get back... so we will get to go, and we will get to take Sara with us. Hopefully that goes well.

I'm nervous about the changes that adding Sara to our family will bring. We have life pretty much in a routine, and we are going to have to find a new routine. It'll all be fine - I just need to find that routine again. Mornings will be crazy - they already are, but add an 18 month old into the mix and they will be even more crazy. We just got to the point where we don't have to assist Anna with baths at night.... well, we'll be helping out again for the next few years with Sara. That's ok though... bath time is always fun.

There are some routines I can't wait to establish... like Tim reading a story to Anna and Sara every night. He reads to Anna (or lets Anna read to him) every night when she goes to bed. It will be interesting to bring Sara into that tradition. She won't get it for awhile, but I'm sure she will grow to love it... just like Anna.

We are getting our totes packed up! I didn't realize how little you could fit in one tote. They really don't hold all that much when you are packing kids' clothes and things like that. We are doing our best to take as much over as we can though. Thank you to all who have donated! I'll have pictures up of the tote donations in a few days - once I get everything organized and packed into them.

Pray for us as we are at the end of this part of our journey! We are very excited to bring our Sara Joy Edom Roach home and start the next chapter of our journey together!

In Christ,
Charity

We're getting close

2010-10-20T19:38:00.000-04:00

We are down to just nine days. Nine days have to pass and Tim and I will be back on our way to Ethiopia. Imagine that!!! Only nine more days. We have waited so long for this dream to come to fruition, and now, here it is. The little seed planted so long ago is about to burst into this wonderful, beautiful flower - our new family member! Technically, she is already ours, but I can't wait to have her in our home with us, truly part of our family. Getting to know her mom and dad and her brother and sister!

So, for those who have wanted to help with the orphanage donation, I need your donations quickly. We will pack up the totes next week Friday (29th) and will call it quits at that point. Whatever we have on Friday will go over with us. If we don't have it by Friday, and we get it later, we will attempt to send it over with another family. We are hoping to get as much as we can over this time though.

Last weekend we went shopping and I think picked up the final things we needed for Ms. Sara. We got her some more clothes and shoes, a stroller, carseat... all those fun things. Her room has been ready for her for so long - thankfully we didn't have to worry about getting that ready as well. I can't wait to see her tucked into her bed all snuggled up in a pair of jammies, smelling baby fresh from her bath!

It'll also be nice not to have to think about adoption related anything (for awhile :) Over the past three and 1/2 years, I have grown tired of paperwork and waiting, fingerprints and waiting, Dr. letters and waiting, homestudy and waiting, reference letters and waiting, waiting and waiting, waiting and waiting and more waiting and waiting. I think you get the point that I'm tired of waiting. Well, I'm waiting one last time.... nine more days. Nine days until I'm back with my little girl. Then I'll just have to wait a bit to come home with her. And then.... then we go through life together! It's going to be great!!!

In Christ,
Charity

Get Ready for a BIG surprise!!!

2010-10-17T14:36:00.000-04:00

You have all had a chance to marvel at sweet Sara Joy (with her colorful attire and all). Isn't she just darling? Her cute little hair-do.... seemingly so managable for this mom who has NO experience with curly hair. I am about to reveal something BIG. Something SHOCKING. Something that made me wonder exactly how I would manage this.....Be afraid... be very afraid (that's what I'm thinking anyway). This is what I was introduced to on day three in Ethiopia with our Sara Joy. Are you ready? (if you are friends with me on Facebook, you have already witnessed this - if not, you are in for a big surprise!)

Sara had just gotten a bath prior to our arrival at the transition home on day three. Here is what we saw:

Now THAT is some wild, BIG hair. And look at the little "kissy lips" in the first picture. Isn't she just a doll!

I didn't even recognize her at first. I asked where Sara was and Tim said - she's right over there. I had never seen her with her hair down (and BIG) and it just threw me off. Isn't she absolutely beautiful?

We had an absolutely amazing time playing with her on this day. She smelled so good (finally)! I grabbed her and hugged her and just loved on her for as long as I could. She will tolerate the lovin' for a bit, but then she wants to get down and play. She is VERY active. From what I can tell, she only likes to snuggle when she is tired.

Her hair is very soft. It is very thick though as well. And talk about curly. I have not a curl on my head and Cameron's hair is so short, who knows if there might be a curl in there somewhere... I doubt it though. Anna's hair... as straight as mine. I don't think you can find 1/2 inch of Sara's hair that is straight :) It will be interesting to see how I learn how to take care of it.

While we were there, the nannies put her ponies back in. Who would have thought there could be such a transformation. She doesn't even look like the same kid - but honestly, I think she is beautiful with her hair up or down. She just looks much older with it down (or not in ponies... cause even when it's down, it's pretty much UP!).

Yesterday I spent the day in the hair care section trying to figure out what she needed. Or actually, what I needed to take care of her hair properly. I was DYING for someone, anyone to walk by and help me.... no such luck. I only obtained the help of my husband who sorry to say does not know much about girl's hair care. When I'm out of town, I think Sara is going to be going to school with the big hair look! So, any advice is appreciated. I solicited help from my facebook friends as well... between this blog and facebook, hopefully I can figure out the right way to care for my baby's hair!

I can't even begin to express how ready and excited we are to bring this little girl home! We CAN'T WAIT!!! We are so lucky to have been blessed with this little girl. We are very lucky to be blessed with the wonderful friends we have made along the way on this adoption journey.

13 days and we will be back on a plane to Ethiopia for the trip to bring our daughter home!!

By they way, if you have items you would like to send to Ethiopia for our orphan supply drive, please get them to me quickly. Thank you to everyone who has already donated so generously! We truly appreciate your help in being able to bring much needed supplies to the kids in Ethiopia who literally have nothing! Can you imagine if just ONE sticker made your children happy? Mine would wonder where the rest of the toys were for them to play with. I have seen children grin ear to ear for being given just ONE sticker. I hope the supplies we bring will give them some more joy! I will need everything to arrive prior to October 28th... so just a little over one more week to get things to me to take over.

Thank you again for all of your help!

In Christ,
Charity

Embassy Appointment

2010-10-15T18:28:00.000-04:00

Just a quick update... I'll write more later tonight - the kids are getting ready to go to the homecoming game with Tim (I get to stay home and have an evening alone YEAH). I need to get them fed though before they go!

We got our Embassy appointment today. It will be November 4th. We will leave for Ethiopia in just TWO WEEKS to bring our daughter home. We leave on October 30. Mom and Denis are hanging out with the kids again. We are back home on November 6th... and SARA JOY EDOM ROACH will be with us!!!!

We are a very happy family tonight!

Go FCS EAGLES!!!

In Christ,
Charity

For those who want to help me help them

2010-10-03T06:38:00.002-04:00

UPDATE: I'm beginning to cross off items as I get responses for each item.

I'm writing this blog post to ask for your help. I don't ask for much from others, other than prayers. But this time, I'm asking for help. Not for me, but for the hundreds of orphan faces I saw in Ethiopia. I can't do it alone. Will you help me?

When we were in Ethiopia, we visited an orphanage in Addis Ababa. It was one of many, many orphanages in that city. What I saw broke my heart. These children have NOTHING. Each child I'm posting a picture of today, has NO family. These are only a small fraction of the faces we looked into. Hands we touched and faces we kissed.

Before going to the orphanage we stopped by a fruit stand and bought oranges and bananas for the children. We bought about 15 pounds of fruit for the equivalent of about $4.00.

These kids own absolutely nothing. They have nothing to call their own... not even a bed. When they are hurt, no one comes to kiss their hurt away. No one holds them when they are sick.

I fell absolutely in LOVE with this little munchkin!

It made me so sad to see these children. When we went into the orphanage, it seemed dark and damp. We went into the toddler room, and there, sitting on a blanket, were 16 toddler orphans. Each of them with a runny nose, and some of them with a cough. There were two doctors who came to the orphanage with us. They were adopting children with our agency as well. Two of the children they said, were malnourished. None of the children had socks on, and all were damp. It was chilly for me being in there, and I was dry and appropriately dressed. I felt the feet of many of these children, and they were cold. Some were even red from the cold. It's not that it was that "cold" in the orphanage, it was that they were damp. One little girl, who was not potty trained, did not even have a diaper or underwear on. She just had a bare bottom.

This little boy fell in love with Tim

We went up to the baby room - there were several baby rooms. I don't think I have ever seen more babies all in one place...not even in a hospital nursery. They were all in cribs - two or even three in a crib (for the tiny ones). Two in a crib for the ones who were a bit older.

This little one above, I believe had Down Syndrome. Such a sweet little one!

These children need love, just like our children. You may not be able to see it through the photographs, but they are desperate for love. As I picked up each child (and I could not pick them all up - there were just too many) I told each and every one of them that I loved them. I told them that Jesus loved them! But then I had to put them back down. I didn't get to hold each of them very long...I wonder if they believed me.

The conditions in the orphanage hurt my heart. I had never been to an orphanage before and I was sure I never wanted to see one again. I was awake the entire night, in tears, having heated conversations with God, questioning Him, asking Him why He allowed these innocent children to live this way. My answer came in the morning - God didn't do this, we did. Our sinful nature did. God also showed my heart that as much as I didn't want to go back and face this, I needed to step up and truly be the hands and feet of Christ. To love these children like He would love them - with their runny noses, bare bottoms, infections, sores and all. EMBRACE them - which is exactly what I did. And my heart felt much better once I looked past the poverty and dispair and saw them as children Jesus would and does LOVE!

So, this is where I need your help, because I can't do it all on my own. Tim and I are hoping to travel back at the end of October for a November 4th Embassy appointment. We will get to bring our Sara Joy home. That appointment has not yet been confirmed, but we should have it confirmed soon. Our Sara Joy was one of these children!!! When we go, we want to go armed with supplies. There are a couple things we want to do...we want to provide things for the children, and also for the people who care for these precious little ones.

For the children, Tim and I are going to try to take on a special project. We want to put a basketball hoop along with a cement pad at the transition home. This would be to give the older children there something to do. Everyone wants to provide for the little ones, but the older ones tend to be overlooked. The assistant at the transition home will be e-mailing us information on the cost of putting up the basketball hoop and pad.

For the younger children, we asked them what they needed and we were given a list. They need

hand sanitizer
~~clothes~~
~~children's socks~~
diapers
formula
antibiotic ointment
clotrimozole cream
tooth brushes
tooth paste
anti-dandruff shampoo
easily cleanable toys (stuff animals, soft toys are not the best as they spread germs easily)
wipes

For the workers they needed:

pediatric scale (bathroom scale that would handle both small and older children)
~~latex gloves~~
Uniforms for the nannies (they wear nursing uniforms)

Tim and I are planning on taking two large totes of supplies over when we go to pick up Sara. There are some things that we are better off buying in Ethiopia - things like formula and some of the ointments (because they are much cheaper there and you will get more for your money - also for the formula, it is best to buy the kind the children are already used to). We are also hoping to buy fruit/vegetables and fresh water for the children. The other things we can buy here and take over. If you have gently used clothes or toys that you want to donate, we are happy to take them over. If you want to contribute to help us buy supplies we would appreciate the help. You are also welcome to purchase things on your own and send them to us and we will do our best to carry everything over.

If you know of a local (Florence, SC) store that sells gently used nursing outfits, please let me know. I would like to go back with some for the nannies. If you know someone who would be willing to donate uniforms, please let me know. If you know someone who would be willing to donate anything for that matter, please let me know.

If you want to help us, please write a comment on this post with a way for me to contact you. I will send you our contact information and we can go from there. We will hopefully be leaving for Ethiopia again on or about October 30th, so we will need to have everything before that date.

Tim and I can't make a huge difference on our own, but together, we can. If at all possible, please help us show these children, who have nothing and no one, that they are loved!

In Christ,
Charity

Day Two - Court Date

2010-10-02T07:01:00.000-04:00

We arrived in Ethiopia late Sunday night - like 7:00 PM. By the time we got our visa, got our luggage, found our group of families traveling together and got to our driver, it was probably around 9:00. It gets dark in Ethiopia early - around 6:00 this time of year, so we did not get to see much of the sights of Etiopia. There is a distinct smell to Addis Ababa though. One I don't think I will ever forget. I'm not sure if it is the smell of the leaves they burn to cook with, or what exactly it is, but once you smell it, you don't forget it.

The city is much different than the countryside, so I will describe the city. (I went to the countryside on Thursday, so I will describe that then) The city, by American standards, is pretty poor. There was an abandon bus behind our hotel that I believe people were living in. The buildings - they had metal roofs and I think concrete walls, but I'm not sure. Every road was lined with concrete or metal fencing and the fencing was topped with some kind of protection to keep you from getting in - sometimes it was wound barbed wire, other times it was broken glass that was stood up on end that lined the top of the entire fence (it was cemented to it). There are many homeless in Addis....including children. We met one boy who we called "Stephen" that we met one day when we were out on a shopping trip. He was in 7th grade and he lived on the streets. Both of his parents had died. When he saw us, he asked if he could come to America with us. He wanted a home in America and asked how he could get into the orphanage so he could have a home. Deanne asked the orphanage people what he needed to do. We went back to the same area of the city the next day and he was still there. He needed to go to the police station and tell them he had no family. I hope he went, because I hate the thought of him living on the street. It was very sad.

The people in Addis are wonderful though. Some have next to nothing but they are much happier than we as Americans are. The average person in Ethiopia, from what I understand makes about $1 per day (or about 16 birr). I'm sure there are those that make much more and some who make nothing, but can you imagine the average income being $1 a day? A donkey to carry leaves to burn for cooking cost $3000 birr - which is why most women walk the 18 mile round trip up the mountain EVERY DAY to collect the leaves and carry them back down on their back. Most can not afford even one donkey.

Riding in a car in Ethiopia is an adventure. There are many, many public busses - but when I say public bus, don't think about a US transit system... These are like 8 passenger vehicles that have maybe 20 people crammed into them. Literally people hanging out doors. And the vehicle is very old. Sometimes the doors didn't even close... I'm not sure if they couldn't, or there were too many people crammed in there.

Court:
So, Tuesday morning we went to court. Our court appointment was supposed to be for 8:30. Well, by 8:30 we had not yet been picked up by our driver. In Ethiopia, time is not as imp9rtant as it is in America. Their answer to everyting is "no worries". I'm a schedule / time driven person, so "no worries" didn't do much for me. Anyway, we made it to the court room around 9:00. There was another group of people there, with another agency who did their court appts first. Then it was our turn. There were five families in our group and Tim and I were number four to go. As I waited, I got more and more nervous / anxious. Deanne gave me her bible to read, which was very calming. Then we were called. "Parents of Edom"? We got up and went into the Judge's room. It was just a room. The lady who called us was our witness. The judge was absolutely beautiful. A very striking lady. She had incredible English. She asked us a few questions about our family and our support system. She then said "she is yours, congratulations". I told her thank you and she said it was her honor. No, really, it was mine! It was over very quickly. When I walked out of the room, I had tears in my eyes. I now had officially, another daughter!

Deanne was the last one to be called. She was waiting on one paper that had not arrived from the MOWA. They said it would be "five minutes". Five minutes in Ethiopia can range from 5 minutes to two hours. We were all very nervous for/with her. After about 15 minutes, the paper did arrive and Deanne passed court as well. Her husband did not come on this trip, he stayed home with their other children, so she was very nervous that would cause problems. It did not and her daughter was hers!

After court, we all got back in the van and went to the transition home. Day 2 of seeing Sara went a little better than day 1. She didn't take as long to warm up to me - but still took awhile with Tim. She was playing outside when we got there, and I saw here immediately. Here, she is officially our daughter!!!

After spending some time with our kids, we went over to the orphanage.... that will be my next post. I went from the highest of highs (getting my daughter) to the lowest of lows - seeing the kids in the orphanage. It changed my life forever!

In Christ,
Charity

We are officially her family!!!

2010-10-01T19:35:00.000-04:00

I have been going thru blog withdrawl.... while we were in Ethiopia, the hotel that we were staying at, did not allow access to blogs. Not sure why, but they didn't - so I was not able to blog about the AMAZING experiences we had while we were in Ethiopia. There is so much to share - so much good, and so much heartbreak. I won't be able to share it all in one post, but I will try to share it all over the next few days.

First, let's focus on the reason we were there. Sara Joy! If you follow us (Tim or I) on facebook, you will already know a lot of the stories I'm going to tell - you can either move on, or read them in more detail here.... it's hard to tell a story on facebook! Also, you will have already seen the revealing of Ms. Sara Joy Edom Roach. But if not, you are in for something wonderful. This was our first glimpse of Ms. Sara Joy Edom (pronounced eh-dom) Roach:

She was sleeping when we arrived. I saw here right away. She was the most beautiful little girl! I fell in love with her right away. I didn't get too excited though... because I didn't want to be disappointed if she was not my Sara Joy (but in my heart I knew immediately that she was). I asked "Is this Edom" and that nanny said yes. I asked if I could pick her up and the nanny said I could. This is Sara's reaction:

Needless to say she was not as much in love with me, as I was with her! And as for Tim.... she REALLY didn't like him. If he even LOOKED at her, she would start to cry. She cried some big croc tears and held her arms out to her nanny. It broke my heart to give her to her nanny, but I didn't want her to be afraid. So, the nanny took her and laid her down in her bed. She was patting her back and bottom to soothe her. I asked her if I could do it, and she said yes. Well, Sara had covered her whole body with her blanket, including her face so she would not have to see us. She must have known it was me who started patting her though, because she took her little arm out from under the blanket and tried to shoo my hand away from her.

(this is her with her whole body covered so she didn't have to look at us... with only her little arm sticking out.

Eventually she let me take her out of her crib. Still Tim was not allowed to even look at her though. We played together for awhile. After about 30 minutes of me and Sara playing together (and Tim still had not gotten to touch her, poor guy) Sara dropped a toy. I asked Tim to come over and pick it up and try to give it to her. He didn't want to upset her, but he tried it. It was the ice breaker. She passed the toy back and forth between her and Tim and finally Tim was able to hold her.

We were able to play with her and the other children for a couple of hours at the transition house that day. We were not allowed to take the children out of the transition house, back to the hotel, but we did get to play with them there. It was nice to be there and give some attention to the other kids as well. All of the children in the transition home were referred to families already. They were waiting on their new parents to come and pass court or wait on their embassy appointment to take them home to their forever family. As difficult as it was to be there with these kids that currently had no one or nothing to call their own... it was easier knowing that soon they would be with their families. They had people who were DYING to come and get them and call them son or daughter. The same was not true at the orphanage which we visited the next day and which I will share a story about in another post. Here are some more pictures of our first day together:

The one picture stuck in the middle is a picture of the transition home. I have so much to share about this place and about the actual orphanage. That will be tomorrow's post. This was our first day together. Tomorrow.... court date and our visit with Sara Joy. Then our orphanage experience.

I am SO very thankful to God for sending us and seeing us through this journey. Africa changed my life in so many ways. I have never seen poverty like I saw in Africa. I have never seen so many children without a home. I have never cried as many tears as I cried in that orphanage. My heart never ached so bad as the day I visited the orphanage. I never saw what God really wanted me to see in adoption, until I saw the needs of SO MANY CHILDREN. I'm going to write about a way you can help me help the children of Ethiopia soon....

I will say that if you ever have a chance to go on a mission trip and work in an orphanage... you need to go. I have looked at pictures of orphanages a million times and have NEVER been touched the way God touched me by actually being there. You can not capture in a photograph the desire of a child to be held and loved. These are truly "the least of these".

In Christ,

Charity

Travel time!!!

2010-09-25T13:16:00.000-04:00

So, we are sitting here at the airport in Columbia, waiting to board the plane to Washington. If I were a good mom I would take a picture of Tim and I at the beginning of our journey. I guess I'm not a good mom, because I'm going to skip it. Who needs a picture of me and Tim sitting in an airport. Not the part of the journey that I really want to remember anyway.

We got out of the house just fine, and I think I managed to remember everything I needed, even after waiting til the last minute to pack. Anna gave me the biggest hug before we left and then stood at the front window with Pearl waving and blowing me kisses. So sweet. I even had to have Tim back up so I could see her for just a bit longer.

Cameron went home with a friend yesterday after school for the weekend, so I didn't really get to say good-bye to him except over the phone. I wish I could have given him a big hug good-bye, but it didnt' happen. He doesn't seem real heart broken over it.

So, we headed out, stopped at Star bucks to get a coffee for the ride to the airport and then we were on our way. Tim programmed the airport into the GPS and we were off. We got almost the entire way here, and then things started to look strange. Well, Tim had programmed the wrong airp0rt into the GPS and we were going to the wrong one. Fortunately we were only about 10 miles out of our way. I of-course freaked, Tim kept playing with the GPS and I just wanted him to GET. US. TO. THE. AIRPORT. We managed to make it with plenty of time to spare. Sometimes technology can bite you in the behind! He knew how to get to the airport but instead listened to the instructions of the australian lady talking out of a box!

I'm very anxious about the trip. My stomach is a bit upset. I'm wondering if I puked right now, if they would let me on the plane. I better just keep my cookies down and not risk it! I had Tim get me some cracker combos and a diet coke to soothe my stomach. That seems to be helping.

I really can not wait to see and hear the sights and sounds of Ethiopia. I can't imagine what my next post is going to be like.... because we will have gotten to see our Sara Joy! Be prepared for some excitement!

I can't believe we are now on our way!!!!

In Christ,
Charity

Next Stop

2010-09-25T09:15:00.000-04:00

Next stop - Addis Ababa, Ethiopia.

I know what I said.... (for Sara)

2010-09-24T10:07:00.000-04:00

24 hours from now, I will be on my way to the airport.... I know in my last post, I said that would probably be the last post in the good ole' US of A... that my next post would be after getting to meet Sara. I did however give myself an out - saying it would probably be the last post before Sara. Good thing I stuck that word in there. When I get nervous, anxious, excited... I write. So, here I am writing again!

This one is specifically for Sara. I want her to know how I am feeling when I'm so close to going to meet her for the very first time.

So, it's the day before travel day, and I'm scared. I stare at your picture on the computer screen. I have stared at your picture long and hard for over three months! You were just a picture then. Sure, I knew you were a child on the other side of the world, but for the past three months you could not materialize into anything more than a picture. I could not learn about your personality. I could not hold you in my arms. I couldn't spend time with you and know what made you happy, what made you smile, what made you sad.... I could only stare at your picture. You were really easy to care for on a computer screen as well. I didn't have to worry if I was interpreting your needs correctly. I didn't have to worry about whether or not you liked me, because quite honestly, you don't even know I exist. Even when I have you in my arms, you will not know the full extent of what I (we) mean to your life.

I'm so nervous about meeting you. You are such a beautiful little girl. I know I will fall in love with you immediately (if I haven't already) and that makes me nervous. I will only have four days with you and then I will have to leave you for a period of time. Part of me prays that you will not care when I leave. Part of me prays that you won't get attached - not like I will. You probably won't care when we leave. I will care. When they place you in my arms Monday (in just THREE days), my life will be forever changed. Lord willing, the courts will grant Tim and I to be your parents and I will be forever responsible for the care of you.

I can't wait to give you the world Sara. I hate that to give you the world, you had to lose so much. God had a plan for us though. I'm thankful that with the situation you are in, that He found a way for us to find each other. Adoption is a miracle. It's hard to believe that God found my daughter so far away from where we are now. But since He did, I take very seriously my responsibility to do my best to raise you.

I want to raise you to love the Lord Sara! I don't want to spoil you, but I want to give you opportunity to excel - to make your mark on this world. I want to raise you in a family that accepts others, that loves others, that serves others.

I don't know if you ever had anyone read you a bedtime story.... if not, you are in for something special. Your DAD is the expert on bedtime-story-reading. He and Anna read together almost every night. I can picture you and Anna snuggling up in your pajamas in bed and having your dad read you stories together. I picture you falling asleep before the story is even over and your dad gently picking you up and tucking you into your own bed. I can't wait! I can't wait to give you a bath and snuggle up with you - with your hair still wet and smelling so good!

I know that Cameron and Anna are looking forward to you coming home. Anna is really excited about having a sister. I think the two of you will be very close. Cameron is excited as well. Just make sure to stay out of his things :) That really bothers him about Anna! You have a great brother and sister waiting for you Sara Joy!

I can't wait to put a beautiful dress on you, do your hair up special, paint your fingernails and just make you feel like the special, beautiful little girl that you are. You will be a wonderful addition to our family. We have waited for you for so long, and now, the time is near for us to be together. I am so excited! I hope I can do things right. I hope I can make you feel loved from the very first time I meet you.

So, tomorrow we head out on our journey. I'm not looking forward to the long plane ride over, but it will bring us one step closer to bringing you home... and I am DYING to meet you!!! So excited for that!

I love you Sara Joy!

Love,
Mom

The next post

2010-09-23T20:19:00.000-04:00

The next post on this blog will hopefully be from Ethiopia. I was thinking that the next post would contain the "much anticipated" pictures of our Sara Joy, but probably the next post will be after our Monday visit with her. We won't be able to post pictures yet at that point. But let me tell you - the post on Tuesday... assuming we pass court... will be FULL of pictures! I really can't wait to share this little girl with the world. Her world, which has been so small to date - will suddenly become very large - and she won't even know it. The little girl who has been in the orphanage her entire life, will suddenly be a daughter, a grandaughter and a sister - to a family completely on the other side of the world.

The kids are getting excited. Cameron has plans for the weekend, which is good. It will keep his mind occupied and keep him and Anna from fighting all weekend. Anna will spend time with my mom and Denis getting some one on one attention until Cameron comes home Sunday late afternoon. I'm hoping they won't miss us too much. I actually think I'm more worried about myself than I am about them. I know they will be fine. They will be spoiled rotten by grandma and Denis. I'll be the one missing them! I'm sure my mind will be occupied as well though.

I can't believe that tomorrow night I will pack (yes, the evening before we leave) and then Saturday morning we will leave. It has been SUCH a long time in coming. If I could ask for prayer, here are the specific things I would appreciate prayer for:

1. Safe travel for Tim and I. We will leave Saturday morning and get in Ethiopia Sunday evening.

2. Pray for the kids - that they are safe while we are away and that they don't miss us too much. Please pray especially for Anna as she has difficulty when I am away.

3. Pray for our first meeting with Sara. Please pray that she is healthy and that God has prepared her heart for our family and for this adventure.

4. Pray for our court date on Tuesday. I'm not sure what time we will be in court - but when it is official, you will probably hear the celebrating all the way back in the states! I hope I don't wake you with my celebrating :)

5. Please pray for me - for having to leave my daughter and come home without her. It is seriously going to break this mom's heart. We will leave Ethiopia late Thursday night, so I'm sure we will see her Thursday afternoon and that is it.

6. Please pray for our safe travel home. We leave at about 10:00 pm Ethiopia time and we will be back home some time late Friday afternoon.

7. Please pray that God just carries us through the last stages of this process. My nerves are on edge. I'm anxious. I'm leaving work at a very bad time and I'm worried about that. I know it is all in God's hands - but I'm a control freak and the timing is causing me issues (maybe God trying to teach me a lesson :) Pray things go smoothly at work while I am away. We have a very important audit next week and I would really like for it to go well.

It's getting close......next update (likely) from Ethiopia. Unless of-course I can't sleep tomorrow night and feel the need to write.

Soon to be a mom to three!!!!

In Christ,
Charity
Mom to:
Cameron Jacob 11 yrs.
Anna Clare AiYi 7 yrs.
soon to be Sara Joy Edom 17 months!!!!