ABC's of My Heart: B = Blind

2 Corinthians 5:7 - For we walk by faith, not by sight

We're all born blind.  You don't believe me?  Well, it's true.  I'll tell you how.  But first, a story.

I was born with a condition that leads to blindness.  I spent a good portion of my youth without any symptoms.  I read like a champion.  I passed all my eye tests.  I loved schoolwork.  I was a great student.  I enjoyed drawing.  Nothing would have made you believe, that lurking in the background was blindness.  I turned 16 and got my driver's license.  No problem.  I was never really good at sports, but figured that was just me.  Not everyone is good at sports.  

Ok, our skiing didn't look EXACTLY like this, but close :)

I loved to water ski.  One day, I was water skiing with a friend behind our boat.  We were double skiing. I came into the wake at the same time she did.  We collided.  I didn't see it coming.  Accidents happen.  

I worked at a festival with my mom one summer.  It was the summer I turned 16.  My mom's work had a booth and they needed volunteers.  I was "volunteered" to volunteer.  I drove downtown and on the way, I got in an accident.  I didn't see a car that was in my blind spot as I switched lanes.  I was sure that I had looked.  Accidents happen.

I went off to college and got my degree in Chemistry.  Six month later, after a prolonged period of time running into people and feeling like a klutz, I called my eye doctor out of desperation.  I told him there was either something wrong with my eyes, or I was crazy.  Well, contrary to popular belief, I'm not crazy.  There was something wrong with my eyes.  I was diagnosed with a condition called Retinitis Pigmentosa.  It is a degenerative eye condition that robs you of your peripheral vision, color vision, night vision and depth perception.  I'm now legally blind with less than 10 degrees of vision.  My color vision is very poor.  I can only see certain colors with accuracy.  I  have limited depth perception and no night vision.  I'm blind.

Apparently there is the number "45" in here.  I had to ask my son, because I can't see it.

It was a series of "symptoms" that lead me to discovering my condition.  Interestingly enough, the discovery of this blindness led me to the realization that I suffered from two types of blindness.  One thankfully had a cure.  Retinitis Pigmentosa has no cure... but it lead me to discover my second blindness that indeed has a cure.  Look at my symptoms closely, you may see them in yourself and find you too have this secondary blindness and have not yet found the cure.

We are all born blind.  I said that in the beginning and left you to ponder over it.  You can ponder a little more as I describe  how I came to discover my primary (yet found secondarily) blindness.  As you can tell from my story above, you are able to go through life without realizing you have a lurking condition - a blindness.  I lived for 23 years before anyone diagnosed my eye condition.  I lived for an additional 8 years before the second condition came to light.  It was through symptoms that it too was diagnosed.

After being diagnosed with RP, I began to feel bitter.  I was angry, frustrated and suffered from the "why me" syndrome. I was determined not to let this condition get the best of me though, so I put on a happy face and moved forward through life.  What happened though, is when people got close to me, and I was comfortable enough with them, they saw the true me that was lurking underneath.  The one that was not as confident as I demonstrated on the outside.  The one that was scared in spite of my seeming courage.  They saw the anger that lurked beneath the smile.  They witnessed the frustration that was just beneath the surface of my seeming contentment.  Fear, anger, frustration, tears, discontentment.... all symptoms.  Do you recognize them?  If you do, it may be because you too, are blind.  You were born blind remember.  Some of you found the cure early.  I found it when I was 31.  The cure for my spiritual blindness.  

As I said, we are all born blind.  Spiritually blind.  We are not born with Christ in us.  We are not born with an eternal home with God.  We are born into sin and hardship.  We are born into selfishness.  Even the cutest baby is born into sin.  We have a sin nature.  This sin nature is the cause of our blindness.  We need to seek out the cure.  The cure is Christ.  

I accepted Christ into my life when I was 31 years old.  Accepting Christ into my life cured my spiritual blindness.  Since I was on a roll with God, I decided... if He can cure something as significant and eternal as my spiritual blindness, then surely He can and will cure my physical blindness.  I asked and I waited.  I've been waiting 10 years now.  In that time I have found victory over:

Anger

Fear

Resentment

Blame

Frustration

It's been replaced with purpose, security, contentment and joy.  It didn't happen overnight, but it has happened.  They say when you accept Christ in your life you become a new creature, and anyone who knew me in the years and even months prior to becoming a Christian and then who have witnessed the transformation after my acceptance of Christ into my heart will attest to the fact that I am indeed a new creature in Christ.  I trust in Him.  I trust in His provisions.  I am no longer afraid.  I am no longer angry when I ask God to cure my physical blindness and he says no, because I know He has a purpose for me and for this condition in my life.  

I was born twice blind.  God cured my spiritual blindness.  I'm so thankful.  I can live with the physical blindness, because I know I will spend eternity fully sighted in the presence of my Savior.  What good would physical sight do for me, for this short time on earth, without spiritual vision?  I'd be left, separated from my Savior in a literal hell.  I'm thankful that God chooses how and what to cure.  If given a choice, I probably would have chosen to have my physical blindness cured, because I was not even aware of my spiritual blindness for quite some time.  That would have been an awful mistake on my part.  God left me there in my blindness- digging myself deep into a pit of dispair and ugliness and then, when I called out, He met me there and brought me into the light.  

Most people aren't born both spiritually and physically blind... but do you know the symptoms of spiritual blindness?  They are different for everyone.  They may come in the form of addiction, greed, anger, vanity, discontentment, fear... the list goes on and on... but for all these things, there is one cure.  Jesus Christ.  Have you found the cure?  It's never too late - until you die.  I was 31.  How old were you when you found the cure?

Also, have you shared the cure with others?  I know if I found the cure to RP, I'd put it on the internet.  I'd shout it from the rooftops.  I'd go around the world giving it to others.  But what about the cure for spiritual blindness?  We are all a little more quiet about that.  Why not share it?  It's so much more important than any physical ailment.  Eternity depends on it!

Don't be blind any more.  Know the symptoms, seek the cure and share it with others!

Oh, and the answer  (cure) I have been waiting on God for, for 10 years now... the question I asked Him 10 years ago... to no longer be physically blind.  He's answered me.  He's told me "no".  I don't believe a cure will come for me.  I'm ok with that.  God gently gave me the answer, and with that came peace.  Peace and His provisions.  He must have something pretty special planned for me with this condition to leave me in it... because after all, I'm His child.  For Him to leave me like this, must mean there's a bigger and better reason for it that I'm just not yet aware of.  He wouldn't leave me this way otherwise.  I trust Him!  There is a reason and I'm content in His answer.

In Christ,
Charity   

ABC's of My Heart: A = Adoption

John 14:18 - I will not leave you as orphans.  I will come to you.

Surprise, surprise - my "A" is for adoption :)  I'm sure most of you are not surprised by that!  I'm thrilled that this is the first letter of the alphabet, the first week of our challenge of blogging through the alphabet and I get to write about ADOPTION!!! 

I would bet that for every person that thinks about adoption, they have their own personal opinion.  Domestic, International, adopt, don't adopt, you don't know what you're getting in to, it's corrupt, it's the perfect way to build a family, why not have your own kids, will the kids know they are adopted, tell them, don't tell them, diversity in families, they need to stay with their country / race, your family will stick out.... the list is endless.

Here's what I know about adoption.  It's a calling.  No one can disagree with what it is for my life and for the life of my family.  It is what it is for us, and for us it is a calling - straight from the heart of God and supported by His word!  Beyond that (even though that's enough for our family), it's about diversity.  It's about acceptance.  It's about unconditional love.  It's about going beyond the boarders.  It's about selfless love.  It's about sacrifice.  It's about joy!  It's about compassion.  It's about overcoming fear!  It's about sharing.  It's about living out what Christ did for us!  It's about knowing and understanding adoption is not for everyone.  It's about knowing it's OUR calling.  It's about sharing it with you.

God began working with me when I was young.  Before I was even a Christian God planted that seed in my heart.  I have been fascinated with adoption since I was a small child - as long as I can remember.  I was convinced I would one day adopt a child from Asia.  When I was probably about 8, I made porcelain dolls with my mom in a class, everyone else was making little white baby dolls - not me, I made a boy and a girl, both Asian.

I'm not against building a family "the old fashioned way".  In fact, my oldest son, although he looks NOTHING like me, came to me the old fashioned way :)  I wouldn't give up that experience for anything.  I LOVED being pregnant.  In fact, I had never felt better in my life.  I'm so glad I had that experience.  

After I had Cameron, his dad and I divorced.  I wondered what life would bring my way.  I knew I was not done having children.  I still had that urge to adopt.  I was a single mom though and finances were tight.  I was living in Michigan at the time.  Through some very unique circumstances, I ended up getting a job offer here in South Carolina.  It meant a very substantial raise for me, a lower cost of living, and a career track that was much better for me and my son.  I moved to South Carolina when Cameron was three - just about to turn four.  

My Cameron!

When I moved to South Carolina, I got plugged in with a church right away.  It was just a few months later and I became a Christian.  I accepted Christ as my personal Lord and Savior and was ADOPTED into His family.  God gave me, through Jesus Christ, THE perfect example of adoption.  Jesus sacrificed for me.  God accepted me into His family, with all my sin, as His very own.  I inherit the kingdom of God because I am His child.  Forever in His family!

THEN, and ONLY THEN did the ball begin to roll on adoption.  I was baptized into my faith the day before my 31st birthday.  June 22rd, 2003.  God moved mountains and I started the process to adopt from China in July of 2003.  Unbeknownst to me, a precious little girl was born in China on September 16, 2003.....

In July of 2004 I received THE CALL - I received the referral of a 10 month old little girl Dong Ai Yi.  She was in an orphanage in Yangdong City, Guangdong Province, People's Republic of China.  In China, there is obviously an issue of overpopulation.  The government in China has instituted a "one child" policy.  Sadly, for most families, the desire to have a boy stems more from financial need than from a "dislike" of girls.  In China, males are typically the breadwinners.  In addition, when a man and woman marry, they separate from the woman's family, not emotionally, but when it comes to physical care of the parents, the parents are cared for by the male child and his wife.  No male child, no aged parent care.  It's sad, I know, but it's how things are in China.  I can turn my head from them and pretend that it isn't so, or I can make a difference.  Not for all, but for one!  

Anna Clare AiYi Roach

On October 8th, 2004, my life was forever changed.  I was handed a tiny bundle of beauty.  Her name was Dong AiYi.  She was abandoned for the fact that she was a girl.  She was entrusted into my care.  On October 9th, 2004 she officially became my daughter and is now my Anna Clare AiYi Roach.  Forever my daughter.  Her life forever changed.  My life forever changed.  She and I, along with her 5 year old brother and her grandparents, traveled home to the US and she became a US citizen upon landing.  She was exactly 13 months old.  Today she is 9 - anxiously awaiting her 10th birthday!  I have been blessed by adoption for that long!  I will always have a tie to the country that gave me my first adopted blessing, and my first daughter!

In 2006 Tim and I married.  Believe it or not, on our first date, I had three questions for Tim.  No sense going any further if his heart was not in the same place as mine, because I surely felt God had more in store for me, and I wasn't going to mess with God's plans that had to this point been nothing short of AWESOME.  Question 1 - Could you love my son as your own?  Question 2 - Would you be willing to adopt Anna as your own daughter?  Question 3 - Would you be open to expanding our family through another adoption?  I know.... talk about freaking a guy out!  It was important to me though.  Unless his answers were Yes, there was no need to move forward.

We moved forward, so obviously the answer was yes to all three.  In late 2006 we were married.  In June 2007 Tim adopted Anna as his daughter.  

My beautiful treasure from China!

In 2008 we began the process of another adoption - we tried to adopt from Vietnam (the country closed to US adoptions).  We moved our dossier to Kyrgyzstan (the country closed to US adoptions).  We decided to take a step back and really consider whether God was moving us in the direction of adoption.  We were confident that he was.  God loves the orphan!  In late 2009 we began the process to adopt from Ethiopia.  We didn't know it at the time, but our daughter was already born when we started the process.  In a small village in Ethiopia there was a beautiful child, left to be cared for in an orphanage at a very early age.  Little information was known about her.  Her name was Edom.  No last name - just Edom.  In late 2009 our dossier was sent to Ethiopia.  We decided that an older child - maybe a toddler was the best fit for our family.  In June 2010 we received the referral of Edom X, now our Sara Joy Edom Roach.  

Sara - our very first glimpse of her at the transition home in Ethiopia.  Wasn't she just BEAUTIFUL?

As we learned more about her story, we learned she was born to a young woman in a village near Addis Ababa.  She was very young and did not have much money.  She wanted to finish school.  She needed to make money for her family.  She left her child in the care of the orphanage and allowed her to be placed for adoption.  

In September 2010 we traveled to Ethiopia and attended court for our precious daughter.  We came back home and waited for Immigration approval.  One month later, we traveled back to Ethiopia to bring her home.  She was 19 months old when we stepped on US soil and she became a US citizen.  2 1/2 years have passed and every day is a blessing with this little girl.  We again have a tie to a country we never imagined we would.  We are forever grateful to the people of Ethiopia who entrusted us with this precious little girl.

Children in Ethiopia are in different circumstances than children in China.  Children in Ethiopia are orphaned due mainly to poverty and death of their parents due to illness.  Again, we could not help them all, but we could help one.  Forever our daughter.  No longer an orphan.  

Sara Joy Edom Roach

We thought we were done.  Our family complete.  God had other plans for our family though.  In 2011 we began to feel the call to adopt again.  We honestly thought ourselves that we were crazy.  No need to share it with others and have them tell us they thought we were crazy!  Certainly God was not talking to us, not calling us to adopt again.  We were nervous.  I was working at the time and I was working long, stressful hours.  Tim was working long, stressful hours as well.  We didn't feel like we had enough time for the kids currently in our home, let alone adding another, but the tug on our heart was clear.  We couldn't deny it.  We began thinking about countries.  We felt our best bet was an adoption from India.  We started the process and believe it or not, got scared.  Like "terrified" scared.  We lost some money, but had not gotten too far in the process when we decided we needed to wait.  We need to hear God louder (and boy was He going to speak louder to us!!!).

We listened and He still told us adoption was in our future.  We considered domestic adoption.  We contacted agencies and even began a birthmother letter.  We followed some leads as we were open to biracial or minority adoptions... but nothing panned out like we thought.  Then we were contacted by a friend (who coincidently adopted the same time we did from Ethiopia) regarding a child in Ghana.

Ghana... really?  I never thought of adoption from Ghana.  Well, this friend was the instrument God used to pry our minds open to Ghana.  The child that was initially presented was not the one for our family due to some circumstances that we weren't prepared for in terms of the process of adopting from Ghana.  Instead we looked at some children available from an orphanage in Ghana.  I found a four year old girl - Isabella.  She was not what we had expected in terms of a child.  We were looking for a child younger than Sara who was 3 at the time - NOT older.  I knew when I saw her face though, that it was the face of my daughter.

The picture that captured my heart - I knew she was our daughter!  Our Isabella!

Isabella - our FINAL adopted treasure.  Our last ONE.  Ghana, our final country of adoption.  The end of the story was now known.  Or so we thought.... through a series of events that could have only been orchestrated by the hand of God, we learned through another adoptive family that had traveled to Isabella's foster care home just the WEEK before we were to leave to Ghana to meet her, that Isabella had an older half brother and half sister.  We wrestled with the thought.  I said no.  I'm NOT adopting three.  God laughed I'm sure :)

We decided to travel to Ghana to meet Isabella, and since the other two children were in the same foster care home, we would meet them as well.  The word "LOVE" does not express what we felt for all three of these kids.  They were ours.  They were family.  They were our treasures.  They were my son and daughters!  Ghana gave us THREE blessings.  We are currently waiting for our Mary, Nate and Isabella to come home to us.  We passed court for the three of them in Ghana in March of this year.  Due to some unforeseen delays on the Ghana side, they are not yet home, but we are preparing for their homecoming and pray that it is soon!  Ghana blessed us three times over.  Three - orphans no more!  Three children finding a forever home!

Blessed three times over with our oldest Ghanian daughter Mary, middle son Nathaniel and youngest Ghanian our Isabella!

In Ghana, as in Ethiopia, children are orphaned due mainly to poverty and death of their parents to illness.  AIDS is a common culprit.  Our childrens' parents are living.  The kids and their mom were abandoned by their father after the kids were born.   The mom tried desperately to raise the children, even asking for assistance from extended family, but eventually the children had to come back to her and she could not care for them on her own.  She made the difficult decision to place them in orphanage care and place them for adoption.  We are so thankful for the choice that she made and the people that she placed our now children with.  We will forever be grateful to Ghana for entrusting us to these three beautiful treasures.  We are forever tied to their birth country!

When you look at our family, you can't help but see diversity. There are two white parents, one half white / half Korean son, one Chinese daughter, one Ethiopian daughter and soon to be three Ghanians (one son and two daughters) at our dining room table.  In my mind, nothing could be more beautiful, with the exception of adding more diversity.  Our family is not typical, but it is beautiful.  Our family is unique. It represents LOVE though - love and acceptance for all, regardless of race, regardless of age, regardless of original expectations of what our family would look like, regardless of country of origin.... Beautiful regardless!

Did you know that there are an estimated between 132 and 142 million orphans in the world?  Look through this post... see the pictures of my children (with the exception of Cameron)?  These were the faces of orphans - ONCE orphans - five of them, but orphans no more!  Adoption is such a beautiful way to build a family.  I can't think of a way that God has blessed me more - through my own adoption into His forever family and through the blessing of adoption of five of my children into my life.

I never would have in a million years thought when that adoption seed was planted so long ago, that I'd adopt not just one but FIVE! And not just from Asia, but spanning two continents and three countries.  

There are so many questions related to adoption that families might have when thinking about the adoption process and the possibility of adoption for their family:

Will I be able to love this child like my own?  The answer to that is NO.  You will not be able to love an adopted child LIKE they are your own, because they ARE your own.  I see absolutely NO difference in my love for my adopted children and my bio child.  No difference at all.  They become yours.  They don't become "like yours".  Your heart will accept them fully.  The only example worth of giving is how Christ accepted me.  He doesn't love me "like" I'm His.  He loves me AS His.  It's a fair question though.  Many people wonder if they can love a child that is not biologically theirs as much as one that is.  I can only go from my own personal experience, and that answer is yes.  I did and I do.  No difference.

I'm single.  Does God call me to care for the orphan?  Yes.  God does not specify that you have to be married to care for the orphan.  I adopted as a single parent.  Unfortunately, while God does not limit us in our caring for the orphan as single parents, some countries do.  There are countries that will not allow adoption of children to single parents.  I was very lucky in that when I adopted Anna, China allowed adoption to single parents, although the number was limited. While China no longer allows adoption of children to single parents (except for maybe special needs children) there are many countries that do allow adoption to single parents.  You just need to dig deep into the country requirements and find the country that works for you.  It might be right here in the US!

What about finances?  Isn't adoption expensive?  How could we afford it?  It's true.  Adoption is expensive.  International adoption as well as domestic adoption can be very expensive. International adoption has an added expense of travel to / from the country of origin of the child, at least in most cases.  Some countries allow children to be escorted home.  I am not going to go into detail here regarding adoption expenses.  I typically only discuss that information with people who are seriously interested in adoption.  One thing that must be made clear - there is no "cost" associated with my child.  I did not spend any money "purchasing" my children.  Fees associated with adoption, both International and Domestic are directly related to work that is required to legally adopt children.  Attorneys are paid, Agencies that coordinate adoptions are paid.  In some cases, the legitimate expenses of the birth mother are paid.  In International adoption, overseas attorneys are paid.  Immigration fees.  Foster care fees.  I did not pay for my child.  Each child is priceless.  The adoption process is what holds the expense.  While adoption is expensive, there are ways to help off-set the cost of adoption.  Depending on financial situations, there are grants available.  Fundraisers are plentiful.  Additionally there is a federal adoption tax credit that is currently in place that is available once your adoption is complete.  Finally, in many states foster care / adoption is not nearly as expensive, most time the families only pay for the cost associated with the home study, if even that.  I've put my contact information at the end of the post if you would like to discuss the financial aspect with me further.

I wouldn't know where to begin even if I wanted to adopt!  That is where other adoptive families come in.  We can be a wealth of free information to help start your process.  Additionally, for country specific information, a reputable adoption agency will help walk you through the process required for each country.

Won't my family "stick out" if my children don't look like me?  Well, sure.  No one looks at my family and thinks, "Wow, those kids look exactly like their parents".  None of my kids look like me... even the one that is biologically mine.  I often play the game of - which one of these kids is not like the other.  It's funny the responses I get.  One lady said that Sara (my daughter from Ethiopia) looked exactly like me!  I had to laugh at that!  I was never hung up on whether my children would look like me.  First, I don't find myself super attractive where I'd want to bless my children with my physical appearance.  Second, as I said, just because a child is born to you, it doesn't mean he / she will look like you.  My family is not the typical family - and I find that beautiful.  The diversity in our family opens the door for people to ask about and for me to talk about the JOY of adoption!

I'd love to share more of my adoption journey with you.  If you are a family considering adoption and have any questions regarding it, I'd love to answer any questions you have.  I can tell you how we managed financially.  I can tell you our fears, our hopes, our desires.  I can tell you the work that goes into it and the LOVE that comes out of it.  I can tell you the pain of the process and the JOY of the journey.  Why NOT consider adoption?  Why not give a home to a child in need?  Some of the children most in need are older children, sibling groups and special needs children - even children with minor, correctable special needs.  Could you open your heart and your home to one (or more) of these kids?  

If you have any questions regarding adoption, again, please do not hesitate to contact me:  You can friend me on Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/charity.roach
You can post a comment on this blog post (see comments below)
Or you can send me an e-mail directly to Charity .  I'd love to answer any questions you might have.  Nothing regarding adoption is off limits for those who are seriously interested in learning more about adoption.  

Adoption is not "second best".  Adoption is not a "last resort".  Not for our family.  For our family, adoption is nothing short of a miracle.  Each of our children have been woven into the fabric of our family creating the most unique, beautiful fabric I could ever imagine.  A is for "Adoption"!

In Christ,
Charity

ABC's of My Heart

Starting this week, you will begin to see posts of mine and linked to it will be posts for several other Facebook friends (some I know, some I just met) that are doing a challenge with me of blogging through the alphabet.  

I personally will be writing about random topics associated with the letter of the week.  Some of the other ladies will be blogging on specific topics of their choice, but all blogs will be related to the corresponding alphabet letter for that week.  

I've titled my series - The ABC's of My Heart, because it's just that... topics that are near and dear to my heart.  My passions. Things that I love.  We are kicking off the series this week, so by Friday you will see my "A" post and linked to it will be the post to the other ladies who are blogging with me.

Thanks Rebekka for inviting me and putting the challenge together.  It'll be a good way for me to put in words things that are near and dear to my heart as well as learn more about other friends - both old and new.

Anyone (other than the blog ladies who already know what my topic is) have any guesses as to what my "A" post will be???  Hint - It's my NUMBER ONE PASSION and I'm overjoyed that it's the first letter of the alphabet - making this week easy!!!

In Christ,
Charity

A Glimpse into Their Past

It's hard to be able to even begin to explain what I'm feeling right now, but I'll try.  The words don't come easy.  The other day we received our court documents for review.  There is one change that needs to be made, that we will have to go back through the courts to make the change.... well, not really back through the courts, but the court has to officially change the document.  Our adoption decree still stands.  Thank goodness for that.

Along with the adoption decree came the report from the social welfare investigator.  To say it was sad is an understatement.  I can't describe how I felt when I read it.  I was so desperate to receive this information, and now.... I wish I hadn't.

With Anna and Sara's adoption, we have little to no information regarding their parents, or their life before we met each of them.  Basically, their history starts with us.  It's pretty much the only thing that is documented.  Anna's parent's are completely unknown.  Sara's documentation... well, let's just say it was cause for investigation.  We got to the truth of the matter, but we know very little with regard to her, other than the name of her mother.

With Mary, Nate and Isabella, we have a glimpse into their past.  I desperately wanted this with Anna and Sara, because I felt it would be important to them at some point.  And maybe at some point, it will mean something to them and I will be sad that I don't have answers for them.  However, when I received the document on the kids, that I so desperately wanted..... well, all I could think was "be careful what you wish for".  I have the document.  Part of me wishes I didn't.

See, with Anna and Sara life (or the documented part) starts with us.  It starts with Love, Acceptance, Adoption, Happiness, Joy, Family Forever..... Don't get me wrong, I know that there is more to the story.  But these are my girls.  I made up imaginary scenarios in my head regarding their past before we came into it, because I COULD.  I made up a past of their mother's love, the sacrifice she made because she wanted more for them.  I even made up a story in my head about how they got to the orphanage.  How they were delivered there with such care.  How their mother's cried as they dropped the girls off.  How they kept looking back, their heart pulling at them for one last hug, one last look.  

Believe me, I'm not that crazy though to believe the story I set forth in my mind.  Adoption is not about that.  Not in many cases.  Adoption is first about loss, pain, suffering, many times difficult if not impossible circumstances.  Imagine though, having your biological child and having to create a story for them that involved anything but perfect love before they were placed in your arms.  For your biological child, you have complete control over their care from the moment they are born into this world.  You control their food, their warmth, their love, their comfort.....With my adopted kids, it's not that way.  But, since I didn't know their story, my mind created something I could live with.  Something that I wished for them, given the circumstances and final outcome of adoption.  I'm not naive.  I know what I made up was simply that... made up.  No need to let my mind go somewhere else though, when the truth of the whole matter would never be known.  I felt like something was missing though, and part of me wanted that piece of the puzzle for Anna and Sara.

So, when the paperwork arrived earlier this week I was excited at the thought that I'd have pretty much a complete puzzle for Mary, Nate and Isabella.  And then I read.  My heart broke into a million pieces.  Once I read the words, there was no going back.  I knew the story... I couldn't change that fact.  I couldn't do for them, what I did with the other kids and create this imaginary, idealistic story in my head.  Far from it.

I'm not going to share the details of the kids' life before they came into orphanage / foster care.  It's not my story.  It is theirs.  It's funny though (not ACTUALLY funny, but my response was funny) after I read the paperwork, my first thought was "I am NEVER showing this piece of paper to the kids.  NEVER!  It would hurt them too much".  Then it struck me - adoption of these kids isn't like the adoptions of Anna and Sara.  Anna was in orphanage care at a mere days old.  Sara maybe a few weeks old.  Anna was home by 13 months and remembers nothing.  Sara was home at 19 months and remembers nothing.  That same thing won't hold true for Mary, Nate and Isabella.  They will remember.  They will have more to tell me than what I read on that piece of paper - which is why it's funny that I wanted to hide it from them, so as to not hurt them.

The other thing that will be different for Mary, Nate and Isabella than it was for Anna and Sara is that they will remember their mother.  Is that good?  I don't know.  I've never been down that road before with an adopted child.  It will bring with it another whole dimension of challenges that we have never experienced before.  

Don't get me wrong, I don't want to erase my kids' past.  Not in the least.  Is there part of me that wishes things were different for them?  Certainly.  Is there a part of me that wishes that they never had to go through the things they went through?  Of-course.  But this I believe, God was with them.  When things were tough, he carried them.  He protected them.  While I'm sure God does not want to disrupt families, God knew what their life would be.  God knew what their mother would have to do, what she would choose to do for them.  God knew we would come for them - and while we went initially for one, HE knew all along, we would come home with three. Three beautiful Ghanian children.

I don't know much about the kids' mother other than a short story of hardship.  One you and I probably couldn't imagine if we tried.  I don't know what she looks like, although I can make a mental picture of her by pulling together features of my three kids.  One thing I do know, one piece of information that she has blessed me with, is that she wanted two things for her children... 1.  That they go to a Christian home.  She specified this.  And 2.  That they remain together so they can grow together as brothers and sisters.  She did not ask for much, but in my opinion, she could not have asked for anything more important.  She did not ask that they be the only children.  She did not ask that they go to a "rich" family. She did not ask that our skin color be the same.  She asked for the important things... that we loved Christ, and would love her children.  All three of her children.  Together.  She did not ask for much, but what she asked for will provide more for her children than money or any other "thing" could.  We will provide for her children the best way we know how, and we trust God to provide for us.  I'm so glad, what little she asked, we were able to give her.

Now, I'm ready.  I'm ready to help the kids heal from the separation from their mother.  I'm ready for them to come home and start unloading what they carry with them and begin to heal with us.  I'm ready for them to find a sense of permanency, which they probably have never had.  A sense of security which they probably don't know exists.  A finality - that this will be it for them.  Our family will be their family and they will be our family.  Forever.

Part of my heart is afraid of the stories the kids will tell me.  How pathetic is that?  They lived the story and I'm too afraid to even think about hearing it.  Children lived it, but I as an adult am afraid of it?  I'm not afraid of what they will say.... I guess I'm afraid of what it will do to my heart to learn things that I don't want to learn.  To hear things that I don't want my children to ever have had to go through.  These same children who smiled at me daily and hugged me with such love.  This will be certainly a different journey for us than we have experienced in the past.  Only God will get us all through it, and we trust in Him for that.

So, pray with me friends.  We are hoping to be able to file our I600 (final immigration approval) at the end of the month.  We have filed for birth certificates (the kids will come to the US with birth certificates in our name :) and with much prayer we are confident God can move the mountains that will make this happen.  

Wouldn't it be so wonderful if I could have these kiddos home for my birthday.  June 23rd.  I'm targeting that date!  I just want my babies home!


In Christ,
Charity

Pure Joy

I desperately wanted to write this post yesterday, but I was so excited that my mind would not settle to allow the right words to come to mind.  I'm not sure I'm there yet today, but I'm going to try....

Beautiful Ghana!

Yesterday I got the news that will change our life and our family forever.  We received word that we successfully passed court in Ghana.  Not only will it change our lives, but it will change the lives of three siblings in Ghana.  Praise God for that.  I posted the quick information on F@cebook and received so many wonderful comments from people who are just as excited as we are that these kids will be coming home and how blessed they are to be part of our lives.  I think that's true, that we will be a blessing to these children, but more than that, they are already and will continue to be a blessing to us.  

Nathaniel, Mary and Isabella

Adoption is something so special.  I know it's not for everyone, but I thank God that it is for me, for Tim, and for our family.  You can't imagine the blessing of adoption until you have experienced it on your own.  Three children, born of other parents, forever and completely bonded to us - without sacrificing the truth of who they are and where they came from - but providing a new, secure future, one that couldn't be provided in their original home.  I don't know what it's like from their perspective.  I'm sure it's kind of scary, but we'll walk through their fear with them, and love them through whatever they bring with them, love them through the unpacking of the emotional baggage they will bring with them.  After all, we all have baggage and they will accept ours as much as we will accept theirs.  Once all of our bags are unpacked, our new, forever family will form!  LOVE that about adoption.  Adoption is definitely a process.  It's an uphill battle from the beginning.  It's emotional.  It's raw.  It's heartbreaking.  It's also pure joy.  Pure love.  Both ways.  

Kids at Auntie Ruth's foster home - including Nate, Mary and Isabella

Mary, Nate and Isabella call us Mummy and Daddy.  The first time you hear it, your heart melts.  In their thick Ghanian accent, it sounds like music to my ears.  Right now, they call us that because it's all they have to call us..... soon, once they are home and settled, they will call us mom and dad, because they feel it.  They know what the word means.  They will know it means forever.  They will know it means security, unconditional love and care.  It will mean to them a warm place to sleep, three meals a day, hugs, kisses, discipline, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE and more love.  It will mean vacations, schoolwork, chores around the house... but it will also mean family... family forever!  Oh how I can't wait until they use those words not because they have nothing else to call us, but because in their hearts, they feel it!

From top to bottom :  Mary, Nathaniel and Isabella

So, yesterday when I wanted to just jump into this and shout it to the world, I knew I wouldn't express about these kids what I wanted to... to really say what they mean to us.  I'll start with Mary and give you a little glimpse into her.

Mary Grace:

Mary Grace - LOVE that beautiful smile!

Mary is a beautifully sweet child.  I have seriously never seen a child more happy than Mary.  EVERY. SINGLE. DAY we went to the foster home, she came running out to greet us with a smile on her face.  She didn't have to - that is just Mary.  She was not trying to impress us - at the time we were not even aware that we would adopt her, we were there to meet Isabella.  But every. single. time. she would come out to greet us, with a smile on her face.  

Love this girl!

I asked her the last morning that we were there... I asked her if she was ever not happy.  She gave me a strange look and said "what do I have to be unhappy about".  Oh Mary.... you are a gift to us.  If you can find happiness where you are, you can find happiness anywhere!  

Mary with Mom

Not only is she always happy, she is so helpful.  Her foster mom, Auntie Ruth told us daily what a help she was... and we witnessed it.  It wan't often that you saw Mary without a infant/toddler on her  hip.  

Mary Grace - always the helper, we saw her often with a child on her hip.  Such a beautiful girl. This day we took the kids from the foster home out to dinner.  

She was always caring for the younger ones.  She helped feed the kids, she cleaned up after them, she tended to them when they were crying and she re-directed them when they were getting into things they were not supposed to.  While this is amazing for a nine year old little girl, and one would want to keep those traits, my desire is to keep them but at the same time, see her be a CHILD.  With all she does, it's easy to forget the age she really is and the things she should be doing.  I can't wait to see her transform into a child again!  She speaks English very well (LOVE her heavy accent) and reads amazingly well.  She seems to be a very smart child.  Very patient.  

Our beautiful Mary Grace Roach

The other thing I noticed, was that Mary asks for very little.  During one of our phone conversations when I asked her what I could send her, she simply said books.  She wanted books.  And then reminded me of the stuffed giraffe she had asked me to get for her while we were still in Ghana.  I promised it to her, and it is being sent her way.  She just asked for so little.

What a precious girl!  Love her!

Nathaniel Timothy

Nathaniel Timothy Roach

Nate (or Gilbert as they call him in Ghana) is a very introspective child.  He is a typical boy and likes to play, but he is also a bit reserved.  His smile is contagious, but he doesn't give it out as easily as Mary.  When he smiles though, you know you've received something special from him. You know he is truly happy.  

Such a sweet boy!

Nate likes to draw and color.  My guess is that he will be very artistically inclined.  On our first trip to Ghana, we took coloring books and crayons for the kids and Nate spent tons of time at the table coloring picture after picture for us.  Not only does he color well, but he can draw well also.  He drew a picture for us to bring home - it was of the cartoon turtle "Franklin".  I brought it home and asked Cameron what he thought it was.  Cameron knew immediately that it was Franklin.  It is a great picture.  

Nate (left) with Johnathan - Auntie Ruth's nephew

I have all the notes from the kids in a file in the drawer.  I carried them home on my carry on so they would not be damaged.  When he comes home, I will show him just how much these things meant to us for us to carry them home and save them. Nate is the quietest of the kids.  He reminds me a lot of myself.  Not wanting to be the center of attention, but involved in the mix of things.  He is a very sweet child!  

Nate and Isabella playing.  Love their sweet brother / sister relationship!

He too speaks English well (again, in a charming thick Ghanian accent) and writes and reads well also.  I'm anxious to see how he blossoms in school!  When I talked to Nate and asked him what I could send him he asked me for wheel shoes (roller skates).  It's funny, because there is nowhere to skate in Ghana where he lives, but you can bet that one of the first things he gets when he gets home is a pair of roller skates!

Tell me that isn't a handsome guy!  You can tell he and Mary are siblings.  Love you Nate!

Isabella Hope

I love this picture of our Isabella Hope Roach!  It depicts her well.

Isabella is a character.  She is a bit shy when you first meet her, but she warms up quickly.  She is a little ball of energy and a bit mischievous.  She liked to fall asleep on me - so I think I might have a snuggler on my hands (YAY me!!!).  

Isabella with Dad

She is stubborn.  Oh is she stubborn.  She loves to play and is always up to something.  When we were in Ghana, it didn't take her long to warm up to us and make herself right at home with all of our things.  There were documents and other things that we carried with us in Tim's backpack, that we set in another room so the kids would not get into it.  Well, out of that backpack also came some things we brought for the kids.  Even after we had taken all of those things out, we would find Isabella in the other room digging through the backpack making herself at home with anything that was in there.  The camera.  The water bottles... anything and everything that was in there.  She is not re-direceted easily.  She knows what she wants!  

Isabella finds entertainment in anything - even a small tree branch!

When she wasn't digging through the backpack, she liked to be in charge of the water at the house.  She would go over and turn the water on and off.  When other children came up, she would turn it on and off for them, but she wanted to be in charge of the water.  

Precious!

She created ways to entertain herself.  We gave her one of our water bottles and rather than drink out of the bottle, she would take the cap off and pour water into the cap and drink it from the cap.  Yes, a TINY water bottle cap.  Whatever!  It entertained her and it wasn't hurting anyone :)  She couldn't have been getting much water with a capful though.  

I miss this face!  We'll be there soon Bella!  I promise!

She shared readily (with the exception of the water faucet) and played well with the other kids.  She did have a bit of a temper though when Mary tried to get her to do something that she did not want to do.  We'll have some correcting to do when we get home :)  It feels like when she warms up to you, she loves hard.  Like with all of her.  

Mom and Isabella!

We spent three days with her and she really began to love having us there.  When we had to leave and told her we would not be back the next day boy was she angry.  She DID NOT want us to leave!  She loves hard!

We were having fun with the camera on the phone.  This picture has another boy who will come home the day after Easter.  Far left is J, me, Isabella and Mary.  We were having so much fun.  Not the best picture in the world, but it shows the fun we were having.  From Isabella's crooked smile, to Mary's beautiful smile.  Love, love, love these kids!  I need to hug them again soon!

So, these are our babies.  Many have asked when they will come home.  I'm not sure.  There is more to the process still ahead of us.  While they are legally ours in Ghana, we still need permission from the US government to bring them home.  They will investigate their case and make sure that the children are truly orphans. While I am grateful for this step in the process, ensuring that children are brought home legally and ethically, it's difficult when all you want to do is get your kids under your roof.  So, we have to wait for our court decree and pray that no corrections have to be made to it.  Then we will get birth certificates and file for the I600 (the immigration side of things).  We need an appointment with the Embassy to get their Visas and once we pass that, passports will be granted and printed.  Then our babies can come home!  It will be some time yet, but we are on our way. The process is moving and we are so thankful.

God  has had his hand in this journey.  From seeing Isabella face and instantly falling in love with her, to learning of her siblings and falling in love with them.  God changes hearts, because we were only planning on one child.  God knew we would bring home three and HE introduced us to them, one by one, and brought them into our heart one by one, and before we knew it, we knew God planned for our three!

So, here I sit... mom of six.... just waiting for all my kids to be united under one roof!  Thank you God for your blessing of these children!  They are yours - on loan to us - may we raise them to know and love you!  My heart overflows with your blessings!!!

In Christ,
Charity