I am my daughter's "celebrity"

Here I go.... be prepared, because this one will be long.  It has been brewing in me for a long time.  Truthfully, at times, I have found myself afraid to share what I have to say.  I am afraid no more.  I will stand for what I believe in and I will stand for what is true.  I will stand for my daughter and I will stand for my family.  I will stand for children - brilliant children who need a chance.  I will stand for parents who should not be ashamed.  I will stand straight in church, not wondering what others think, becuase I will know I have done right by my daughter and by God.  I will stand. 

I've hesitated writing this also because I have found myself angry at times.  It's never good to write when you are angry.  So, I decided to wait until my thoughts were gathered in a clear fashion and my anger had somewhat subsided.  And it has... so now I write.

If you are a reader of my blog, you know that my daughter Anna was diagnosed with ADHD last year.  It was a very difficult time for our family and we struggled to even consider the possibility of my perfect little girl having something wrong with her.  We worked for three long years prior to her diagnosis though, with the symptoms of the condition we were trying to ignore.  We could ignore it no more.  It was doing a diservice to my daughter.  Her diagnosis was swift.  She is classic ADHD - no question.  Tears filled my eyes when the doctor told us that... for two reasons actually.  Some tears were tears of relief, because we had an answer.  Some tears were tears of fear for the judgement that was to come to Tim and I, and to Anna.

Anna is a great kid.  She will give you the coat off of her back in freezing cold weather, because she is kind.  When most kids want to keep the last piece of candy for themselves, just ask her and she will give you hers.  And if you don't have a piece of candy - you don't even have to ask... she'll give you hers.  Yesterday Tim and Anna took a ride to the bank.  They were having some celebration there and they had snacks to give away.  Anna came home with hers unopened and she brought home one for Cameron as well.  She didn't have to do that.  Many kids would not.  Anna did.  (She did say that Cameron and Sara would have to share - but at least she thought of them).  She is pretty much a joyful kid too... always a smile on her face... not many complaints.  Along with that though, came Anna's struggles.  Behavior issues, problems paying attention in class, being somewhat impulsive, being generally "distracted".  She is a very smart child, but her grades were not reflecting that. 

When we took Anna to the doctor, it was clear to him that she had ADHD.  We started her on medication and things got better nearly instantly.  I found myself hiding this fact from most people though, and I asked myself why.  Why would I hide this???? So many people could learn from it.  I'm not a doctor, but I could share MY experience, which could help someone find the courage to go to a doctor and see if this was the answer for their child who was struggling.  But I hid it.  I hid it because there is SO much attached to ADHD.  In the Christian community, many people do not believe that ADHD is a medical issue.  ADHD is a "heart issue".  I disagree.  If I am wrong, I will stand before God, when it is my turn, and tell Him that I truly felt this was the right thing for me to do.  I truly felt that I had exhausted ALL other options with my little girl.  I truly felt as though this was what I needed to do to parent her appropriately.  If I'm wrong, I'm wrong.  But God will know my heart and the measures we took to make sure that this was not a heart, but truly a medical issue.  And to the Christian community who would discourage people from seeing this resolution, I would caution them.  Until you have lived with a child with ADHD, you can not fully understand the consequences and harm you are doing to a child with ADHD if you let them go untreated. 

ADHD brings a feeling of shame and guilt to the parents.  There is so much attached to the diagnosis.  There are people looking at you thinking you are lazy and just want to medicate your child instead of raising them or disciplining them.  Trust me when I say, I'm not that parent.  After three years of trying (I think that would tell you that I'm not a lazy parent), seeking medical help was our last resort.  Also, just becuase you have a diagnosis, it doesn't make it any easier.  The medication doesn't alway work right away.  You have to find the right one by trial and error. And then when you find that PERFECT one, it may only be perfect for awhile.  It was perfect for Anna for eight months... we are now in the process of finding a new perfect.  If it's lazy to commit to picking up a prescription from the doctor every single month, then we are lazy (you can only get a one month prescription - not more).  If committing to going to the doctor at least every six months for a re-check is lazy, then we are lazy.  If going to the doctor three times in the last six weeks is lazy, then we are lazy.  If remembering every morning to give Anna her medication is lazy, then I'm lazy.  If being in constant contact with her teachers is lazy, then I'm lazy.  Trust me, a medical diagnosis of ADHD didn't mean I didn't have to work with her less.  I have to work with her MORE!!!!  I still have to discipline.  I still have to correct!!  I still have to teach!!!  I have to find new ways to do it that work for her.  And on top of that, I have to deal with all of the medical side of it.  And here's the thing - I wouldn't change it for the world!!!

I have asked myself why God gave this to Anna and why it is in our life.  I truly believe it is for a reason.  I dive into things when they happen in my life.  I can tell you more about RP (my eye condition) than most medical doctors.  (not the specialists for sure, but the general doctors - yeah, I probably know more).  I have learned so much about ADHD it isn't even funny.  Also, I began to wonder something - with how prevalent ADHD is... how come it is not talked about more?  And I mean in a positive way... not in a "bashing the parents, child or medication way"?

Why is there no celebrity endorser for some ADHD medication or for the condition?  Think about it:

Parkinson's Disease has Michael J. Fox
MS has Ozzy Osbourne (not the best example, but people know him)
Breast Cancer has Christina Applegate
Osteoporosis has Sally Field
Digestive Health - Jamie Lee Curtis  (seriously, isn't ADHD more important than being regular???)

I did some reasearch and found that there are several celebrities WITH ADD / ADHD.  I was pleased to find them.  You may find that strange, but they are successful, and I live for examples of people being successful with a condition such as my daughter's.  Did you know that Ty Pennington of Extreme Makeover Home Edition struggled with ADHD from the time he was a child?  Howe Mandel - ADHD.  Michael Phelps - ADHD.  When talking to Anna's doctor, I asked what this would mean for Anna's future.  Do you know what he told me?

He told me that patients with ADHD are typically high achievers.  They are some of the brightest children in the class.  They will never be accountants.  Anna will never be allowed to be an astronaut - fine with me, I don't want to send my kid to space anyway... it's too far away!  But did you also know that a very high percentage of Doctors and Lawyers are ADHD?  I'm good with Anna being a doctor or a lawyer.  Architects have a high percentage of ADHD.  This doesn't mean that Anna will be any one of these things... but it means that she CAN BE.

So, since no one has stepped up to the plate and said that they will be the "celebrity" for ADHD, I'd like to introduce myself to the world.  My name is Charity Roach.  I'm Anna's mom.  That makes me a celebrity to her.  I am a mother.  I am a wife.  I'm a working mom with a bachelor of science degree in chemistry.  I am a QA/Validation manager for a large pharmaceutical company.  I am legally blind.  I love to grow unique flowers.  I love my family.  I'm the new face of ADHD.  You won't see me on television, you won't hear me on the radio, I haven't written any books - but maybe I will someday.  But what I am is an advocate for parents and children with ADHD.  I'm the one who is going to ask you not to just write them off as "bad kids who can't learn".  They are smart kids who want to learn but have something that is stopping them!

I'm going to start sharing more about our trials and triumphs with Anna and ADHD - because in order to ask others to not be ashamed... I need to show that I am not ashamed.  If you don't believe in ADHD you might want to stop reading my blog.  If you think God doesn't want my daughter on medication, then you should surely stop reading my blog.  Because I am going to share it all.  Not because I want to share such a personal part of my daughter's life, but because maybe someone will see their child in my struggles and will know they are not alone.

In Christ,
Charity

PS - the pictures are from the recent snow storm in SC that gave me three extra days home with my children, the kids not wanting to get out of bed on their snow day and poor Sara - feeling sick from her immunizations. 

Blog posts are coming... this weekend

I've had two VERY important blog posts running around in my head but have refrained from writing them until I had my thoughts fully gathered.  I gathered them this morning.  Tim says I should write a book about one of them.... we'll see.  Anyway, stay tuned (my few faithful readers) I have pictures to share as well.

In Christ,
Charity

Welcome, 2011

A month ago, if you asked me if I would be "welcoming" in 2011, I would have probably thought you were crazy.  With all of the uncertainty that 2011 has to offer.... no thanks!  I'll stay with the tried and true, 2010.  Not that 2010 didn' t have its issues, but they were "known" issues.  They were ones that I had already dealt with.  I knew what they were and I was comfortable with them.  I was comfortable sitting in 2010 with my job being secure (up until the very end there), I was happy with my home (up until the very end there, when we had the "flood"... more about that later), I was happy with my kids - especially at the end there, when Sara was added to our family, I was happy with my husband - and still am - up until the end there when there was that flood (just kidding Tim - I'm still happy with ya!).  Then there was the end of the year, when our jobs became uncertain, decisions were hard to make because all of the information is not known yet, and not knowing what 2011 has in store for us.  It seemed difficult for me.

I'm a PLANNER!!!  If you didn't know that about me before, you know that about me now.  I plan my life.  Every last detail of it.  I look at situations and analyze them.  I have to... I think it's genetic!  I think I think of every possible scenario before I do something and then plan my escape route for all negative outcomes.  Tim doesn't do that.  He is a bit of a planner, but not as much as I am.  So when the work thing came, it hit me hard... a bit harder than Tim.  He can sit back, wait and see what happens.  In my mind, that would mean we are wasting time.  The house could be on the market, we could be interviewing - granted we could be missing out on an opportunity, but the sure thing is better than maybe something.  Anyway, so me and my "planning" self were having some difficulty with 2011 about a month ago. 

Then something happened.  I turned it all over to God and decided that God will place us where we need to be, when we need to be there.  If we have a job somewhere else that God wants us to be, He will make sure our house gets sold in an appropriate time frame (it's not on the market).  He'll let us know when it needs to be.  He'll make sure that it is something that will work out for both me and Tim, and more importantly, will be a place where the kids, Tim and I can continue to grow spiritually.  That's the most important thing after all.  Sure, we need money to take care of the physical things here on earth, but what is more important, is that God is leading us somewhere, where our relationship with Him will flourish.

2011 will be the first year in 3 years that we are not waiting on some portion of an adoption process.  I hate to say it, but I'm actually looking forward to that.  It  has been emotionally draining for the past three years waiting for our daughter to come home - and at times, even wondering where she would be coming home from.  We have some loose ends to tie up for the whole adoption, but our daughter is home!  That is all that matters.  I'm looking forward to watching her continue to settle into our family in 2011. 

We are planning on doing some traveling with the kids in 2011!  For the past three years, we have put off going on a major family vacation, due to the fact that we were always expecting to have to travel for the adoption.  Well, after three years, since that is complete, we will be able to go where we want to go.  We are looking forward to that for sure!

It's good to see the passing of 2010 for so many reasons.  I hate to think about another year of my life with my family gone, and I definitely do not wish the kids to get older, but this year has been a difficult one.  Que the flood story:

So, remember way back when - like in July, when we got the floors done?  Remember me climbing through bedroom windows for a week so I didn't have to stay at a hotel.  Remember me inhaling fumes for an entire week (admittedly, I kinda liked that :).  Remember me pushing a guide dog through a bedroom window?  Kids eating in the bedroom because they couldn't walk on the floors?  I guess if you didn't live it, it was easy to forget.  I remember well.  Oh, and the floors - they turned out beautiful.  Fast forward to December.  Tim and I have two weeks off for the holidays.  We decided to use this time to do a much needed home improvement project in one of the second floor bathrooms.  Cameron's bathroom desperately needed a remodel.  I painted the cabinets some time ago, but we decided we were going to tile the floor and put up some decorative glass tiles around the shower, install a new toilet, replace the fixtures and things like that.  Tim spent countless hours cutting tiles and installing the floor.  It was looking good.  He got all the tiles laid, the grout put down, the quarter-round up, the tile sealant on - it was time to install the toilet.  This was on Tuesday.  We were going to my mom's on Wednesday to see my sister and her family who I rarely get to see.  I was carrying some laundry into the bedroom to fold and all of a sudden I heard a terrible noise.  Sounded like a small water fall, which is a nice sound except when it is in your house.  I ran into the kitchen to see Tim running out of the house (for a minute I was thinking - nice of you to save the women and children :) but then it hit me... literally.  Right smack on the head!  Gallons of water were coming out of the kitchen ceiling onto our 4 month old hardwood floors.  It's coming out throught the recessed lighting.  I ran upstairs to see what had happened and as I went down the hallway, it was as though someone turned on a faucet right under the wall and water was coming out from under the bathroom wall into the hallway.  Not just a trickle of water, but a LOT of water. 

Tim was outside of the house turning off the main water supply line to the house.  When he came back in, I asked him if he had any idea what just happened upstairs and in the kitchen.  He said "I know".  Poor guy.  I think he thought I was mad at him.  I wasn't.  Especially after he told me what had happened.  My only question to him was - why didn't you turn off the water before you did anything up there.  He had turned off the valve at the toilet, but the pipe broke in the wall.  It could not have been helped.  I was upset about the kitchen, I was upset about upstairs, I was upset that I would not get to see my sister the next day....

It all worked out fine.  As I am typing the pad has been removed from the carpeting upstairs and a blower is running underneath the carpet to dry the carpeting and floor.  The pad will be replaced.  The kitchen floor has been dried and no damage seems to have been done.  The kitchen ceiling is drying.  It will need to be patched and painted, but it's not permanately damaged.  The plumber cut a hole in the wall in the bathroom to fix the plumbing - but it will be repaired easily.  AND... I was able to go spend a wonderful day with my sister and her family.  All is well that ends well.

So, we are now looking forward to 2011.  2011 should be an adventure for our family.  2011 will probably teach me a lesson in planning - that not everything can be planned, and even if it could, I'm not the planner.  God holds the master plan - our family just needs to follow it.  It may not always be comfortable, and I may sometimes ask why, but a plan is a plan, and God's is the best.  So... let me in on the plan God - when you feel like I need to know.  Until then, we will wait, pray and enjoy what you have to offer us in 2011.  Thank you for ALL of our blessings in 2010!

Happy New Year!

In Christ,
Charity

Merry Christmas!!!

I can't believe how long it has been since I have blogged.... I guess things have just been very busy!  Here it is, Christmas morning, and I'm up before the kids.... How is that possible?  I remember Christmas when I was a kid - Christmas always came on Christmas Eve.  I guess because we had so much running around to do on Christmas Day, going to both grandmothers' houses to celebrate.  Anyway, each year we would go out and go for a walk around the subdivision to look at all the Christmas lights.  We would all be out in the driveway, ready to go, and mom would suddenly have to go in and go to the bathroom.  She took a LONG time (she must've had to go really bad :) and then when she came out, we would go take our walk.  Every time, when we got home, Santa had arrived at our home!  We then got to open our gifts.  I know it is a silly thing, but it's something that I remember.  It was our tradition.  We had a toboggan that my uncle Jim had made for us three girls and my dad would pull my youngest sister around the neighborhood on that.  (My older sister and I were too cool for that - even if we have pictures to prove otherwise.)  I want some of those same traditions with my family.  Since we are in SC, there will be no sledding, but we can make our own "non-snow" traditions.  This year we started with the lights at the zoo.  We loved them and will go every year - whether the kids want to or not!  We created memories!  And had a lot of fun in the process!

It's been a wonderful year!  To think that this time last year, we were waking up, dossier in Ethiopia, but no idea what child would join our family, or when.  Now, here we are a year later and little Sara is snuggled up in her bed with no idea of what is to come this morning!  She probably won't really understand a whole lot.  Next year though - will be a BLAST!  We are so blessed to have this little girl in our family!  God's plan, as I have always said, was going to be good.  Not only was it good, but it was GREAT! 

I'm going to have to be creative this year about pictures of the kids this morning.  I'm a bad mom and I left my picture transfer thingy (I know, very technical) and my memory card full of pictures at work.  I guess pictures with the camera on the phone are in order.  I was going to run out to work and get it last night, but we went to a party at a friend's house with the kids, and I didn't want to make Tim run out and get it and make the kids sit in the car.  The camera on the phone will do... yet another memory!

Tim has spent the last few days laying tile in Cameron's bathroom.  It is going to look so good when he is done.  He laid and glued all the tile yesterday and will probably grout it tonight.  Oooohhh, I can't tell you how much better it looks even just with the tile down and the little spacer things in it, with NO grout.  That is how bad I hated the other floor!  We also picked out some awesome glass tiles to go above the shower!  I can't wait to get those up.  I don't think Tim has ever done wall tiles before, but I'm sure he will do a great job.  I'll post pictures when he is done!  The man deserves a break at Christmas!  (I think he really enjoys it though!)

The reason for the season - Christ!  My savior!  The savior of my husband!  The savior of two of my children!  The savior I pray that Sara will choose.  Today, so long ago, a baby was born to save me!  Almost unthinkable and only thinkable by God!  And who else, but God, would sacrifice their son, for the world?  I am literally, eternally grateful!

Merry Christmas everyone!

In Christ,
Charity

Being Carried...

The other day, I posted this as my status on facebook:

Why do I struggle in His hands when I know He carries me to safe places? I'm like a small child struggling from their mother's arms, wanting independence and control, getting down only to get lost. Thank God He is the ultimate father - just like a mother always seeks her child, God always seeks me - even when I struggle away from His grasp. I've never gone too far. I need to settle in and be carried by Him.


I wanted to take some time and kind of explain what I meant.  When this thought came to mind, I was getting the kids ready for school / childcare one morning.  Specifically, I was doing Sara's hair.  Sara is 19 months old and a bit of a wiggle worm.  She does not like to get her hair done, although she is learning that it is a daily necessity.  Anyway, on this particular day, she was not really wanting to cooperate.  She was wiggling all over while I was trying to put ponies in her VERY curly hair.  As she was wiggling around and I was trying to keep hold of her head, the thought I wrote above came to mind.
 
Why is it that I wiggle and squirm until I am outside of the hands that I know guide me to saftey?  Once I wiggle free of God's hands, I feel like I have accomplished something.  Like I have achieved something big.  Sara does the same thing.  If I'm holding her, and she decides she wants to get down, she wiggles and squirms until she is out of my arms.  She then stands there, looks very pleased with herself, smiles and then goes about business under her own will and her own control.  She doesn't seem to understand that trouble lurks everywhere.  How can I expect a small child to understand the need to stay in safe hands, when I, as an adult seem to have days where I can't grasp that concept?
 
I think it is in our nature to want to "control" our own lives.  No one likes to be told what to do.  We like to give ourselves the freedom to make our own choices and deciding what will benefit us more than others.  It's only natural.  God's way is not the natural way - until you make it your natural way.

Living in the comfort of God's safe hands, is not "comfortable" at first.  I remember when we first met Sara - she wanted nothing to do with us.  She litterally cried at the sight of us, and when we held her, she arched her back and held her arms out to her nanny.  It was what she knew.  She didn't know that I had more to give her.  I would love her forever.  I would not just meet her needs, but I would help her to thrive.  After a few days, she would allow us to hold her.  One day she fell asleep in my arms.  It was such a joy for me.  I handed her over to Tim so he could feel her resting comfortably in his arms as well.  Today, she falls asleep each night in my arms.  She reaches to me to hold her.  I don't have to beg her to be with me - she reaches for me and I'm there for her.  As she learns to trust and obey me, I can give her more freedom, because she will respond to me if danger is near.  I can learn from this.

I have never truly rested in the hands of God.  I have been testing this water, but I quickly seek an opportunity to control my own destiny.  It has been an ideal time lately as our future at work is so uncertain.  I don't really "seek" opportunities to control my future... I just respond at the first opportunity I have to make a decision - so I feel like I am in control.  I have begun to make a conscious decision to rest.  I am trying really hard to just climb into God's hands and let Him lead me.  I'm not good at it yet.  I'm like Sara.  I hope soon I will fall asleep peacefully in the arms of God and then learn to reach for Him, knowing and trusting that He will carry me.  It's a very hard lesson to learn.  But at this time in my life, there has never been a more appropriate time to test that water.  I'll let you know how I do!

In Christ,
Charity

Great Giveaway Available

My friend Heather at The Other White House is having a great give away.  Go and check out her blog.  Leave her a comment, follow her blog, link her give away to your blog, live in the US and leave her a comment telling her you linked to her, and you will be in the running!  I'm in the running!  She has great craft ideas and lots of good photos.  Besides that, she's a good friend :)

Good luck!

So Thankful

There are so many things for me to be thankful for this Thanksgiving weekend.  This post is a couple days late in coming, but  I felt my time was better spent with my family making memories than trying to write my thoughts on this blog.  The blog could wait... my family could not! 

I am SO very thankful that Sara is home with us for Thanksgiving.  She is such a joy to our family and I love her more and more every day.  She has bonded so well.  She is such a happy little girl!  Seriously, ALWAYS happy.  The only time she gets a bit crabby is when she is tired.  And she doesn't really get crabby, she just gets emotional.  If you tell her no to something, she will start to cry.  Normally, she will just understand that she can't do whatever we told her "no" to, and move on.  When she is tired, she will cry. 

I'm very thankful for my family.  I'm thankful for Tim, Cameron and Anna - along with my little Sara.  We had a really nice Thanksgiving dinner with my mom and Denis.  We traveled over to their home and spent the day with them.  It was very nice.  Mom and Denis got to spend some time getting to know Sara and we got to spend time talking and catching up on things.  It was very nice.

I'm thankful for the God who saved me.  He has blessed my life in so many ways, the greatest of which is to allow me to spend eternity with Him.  You really couldn't ask for more.  I'm thankful for the husband He provided for me and the children He blessed me with. 

I'm thankful for my job.  A bit hard to say right now, but since I still have one, I'm thankful for it.  For Tim and I, this is the company that has provided for our family for the last 7 years for me and 10 years for Tim.  It's hard to not be thankful for that.  I don't know what company we will be working for in the future, but for now, we continue to work for Roche, and I continue to be thankful.

For an update on Ms. Sara - she is doing absolutely wonderful.  She has been with us now for almost 4 weeks.  She is nearly potty trained when it comes to #2.  She does not tell me when she has to go, but I know her schedule, and I have not had to change a dirty diaper in three weeks!  What a blessing that is!  She is very good at listening to what we tell her to do in English.  She is not saying very many English words, but she is learning them quickly. She can now say "mama", "dada", "baby", "light" and "doggie".  She also learned to give kisses today.  She now has to kiss me about 100 times an hour.  I love it!  She LOVES to go for walks and loves to play rough.  She sleeps like an absolute charm.  You never hear a peep out of her after you put her to bed.  She is still extremely shy in new situations.  She warms up to people quickly though.  She likes grandma and Denis and loves, loves, loves her brother and sister!

Cameron and Anna have adjusted easily to having a new family member.  They really love her.  She is the perfect fit into our family.

Sometimes I look at Sara and the three years it took us to get her and I'm a bit overwhelmed.  God's plan was perfect!!!  I said it all along, but now I can SEE that it really was.  I can not imagine not having Sara in our lives.  I'm so thankful.  Adoption is such a miracle.  It's all God!

Happy Thanksgiving from our family to yours!

In Christ,
Charity