We truly are a family redefined. We are husband, wife, son, daughter, step children, biological and adopted children and most importantly, Children of God.

A friend pointed out that I needed to update my blog header. After our adoption from Ethiopia, I had updated it stating how the adoption of Sara Joy completed our family. Well... the journey continues. After much prayer, we have decided to follow what we feel is God's calling for us...we went to Ghana with the intention of adopting a four year old girl, Isabella Hope. Little did we know that she would be the catalyst to bringing home not only her, but her half brother and sister. We will now be adding not only Isabella Hope to our family, but also Mary Grace (9) and Gilbert (6) who we will transition to the name Nathaniel Timothy. The shock is wearing off and the JOY and EXCITEMENT are overwhelming. Now truly, our family is complete. The great part of journeying with God, is that it's always an adventure. He knows where we are going, and for us it is all a marvelous surprise. Looking forward to sharing our family adventures as we walk daily through life and as we venture off to Ghana to bring home Mary, Nate and Isabella! It's always an adventure redefining our family!

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

ABC's of My Heart: E = Envy

1 Peter 2:1 - Therefore, rid yourselves of all malace and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind.

A feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck.
Desire to have a quality, possession, or other attribute belonging to (someone else): "he envied tall people"; "I envy Jane her happiness".

Have you ever lived with envy in your heart?  I have.  I lived it for a long time.  It's difficult.  It's all-consuming.

There have been many times in my life when I felt envy.  It creeps up all the time.  In most every aspect of your life you can find ways to envy.  It's not something conscious; no one wakes up and says "I think I will envy someone or something today".  It just happens.  It comes out of discontentment in your heart.  Discontentment for what God has so richly blessed you with.

I'm going to be honest here and tell a story of myself.  I'm going to preface it with, I KNOW my feelings are envious and I battle them daily.  I fight envy with God's Word... but just because I fight the battle, does not mean I have won the war.  The war will only be won, when I'm taken to my eternal home.  But, know that I do fight it.  Know that I know it's wrong.  And also know that I don't let it get the better of me.  I recognize my sinful thoughts and I force myself to change.

It's so easy to envy.  There are so many things, so many possibilities for envy to creep in.  Circumstances, money, home, children, grades, job, promotion, car, lifestyle, hair color, eye color, health, body build, relationship status... the list goes on and on.  The list is different for everyone.

Tim and I are in the middle of a very stressful adoption right now.  It's getting better, but for awhile there, I found myself in tears quite a bit.  Things were just not going our way.  We were matched with our kiddos in February and went to court for them in March of this year.  Court happened without a hitch (many don't have that same blessing).  Then our troubles started.  We waited on our court decree.  You have to have the official, signed court decree before pretty much anything else can happen.  It was the bottle-neck in our adoption at this point in time.

As we waited, I saw people who went to court the same time we did, get their documents and move on.  I saw people who had met their children AFTER we did, get their court decrees and move on.  I saw people who went to court AFTER we did, get their documents and move on.  It felt as though everyone was moving on but us.

There were times when I felt very bitter.  Very resentful.  It took a look into God's Word to really set my mind straight.  God commands us to rid ourselves of envy.  Here I was sitting right in the middle of it.  I was surrounded by it.  My heart was full of it.

I forced myself to stop and think about what I was envious of.  I was envious of the situation that other families were in.  Now mind you, many families were in much worse situations than we were in, and I didn't find myself envious of them.  I was envious of what I desired God to work out for my family, but wasn't.  I wanted God to intercede and He was not.  I was angry with families who were moving forward while my children, and our case was left sitting behind - going nowhere.  Completely unfair.

Here's the thing though, I don't get to determine what is fair. God does.  Not only that, begrudging someone because of the blessing bestowed upon their case, in no way, shape or form changes my case.  Not only that, it doesn't change their case.  The only thing ENVY does, is eat away at the heart of the person who is carrying it around.  It also, in my mind, demonstrates the level of trust you have for God in your life, being sovereign and working things out for your good.

I forced myself repeatedly to put my envy aside.  I struggled with it, but God battled with me, and we won.  What I really needed to look at - instead of the situation I WANTED for my life (that others had), was the situation that God gave me, and how I could use it for His glory.  It was a weekly, if not daily, if not hourly at times, struggle for me.  But God always stepped in and fought the battle with me.  I learned that I could be happy for others while in the middle of a difficult situation.  In the end, all that mattered was that children were moving forward in their adoption process.  Families were being united.  Kids were coming HOME!  It's the passion of my heart to see these things happen.  I was able to let go and let GOD!

God left us in that waiting place for three months.  It was a LONG three months, but it could have been longer.  It could have been worse.  As time passes, I see circumstances that are happening that could not have happened if our case would have moved through the system quickly.  God-orchestrated things that I might not have experienced had I been given the opportunity to move things through the system quicker.  While it was difficult, I am beginning to see that God was working a timeline that I was not aware of.  That's the difficult part I guess - and it's where faith comes in.  Trusting in something you can not see.  If only God could have e-mailed me His timeline, His reasoning... but that's not God.  God is about faith.  And in the end, the true blessing is having faith come to fruition.  It's where I am now.

My timeline had our kids home in June.  It's now almost August so obviously my timeline didn't happen.  But God's timeline is unfolding and I'm in awe of what is happening.

The point is, envy is a slap in the face of God.  It's saying "I don't like what you've given me and I want more or I want different".  To overcome envy I truly believe you have to fight the battle with God's Word and then learn to appreciate all of the blessings God has given you and learn to celebrate with others the blessing God has given them.

In Christ,

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

ABC's of My Heart: D = Doubt

Psalm 94:19 - When anxiety (doubt) was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.

Well, I'm back at it this week.  Again, this is not the original post I was intending for my "D" post, but it is what I felt laid on my heart, so I decided to skip my original "D" post, and write this one.  The best laid plans are meant to be broken when the Lord lays something on your heart to write!

Tim and I opted to have a day of fun with Cameron yesterday.  Tim took the day off of work and we packed up early in the morning and headed to Carowinds with Cameron and his friend (our "adopted" son) Christopher.  I love these two boys!  Christopher is Cameron's best friend and they spend so much time at one another's houses, that we often joke that we share custody of the children.  It's a great relationship that they have.  

Anyway, we had plenty of time to talk as we drove the 2 1/2 hours back and forth.  Five hours in the car with two fourteen year olds is some good, quality talk time!

After a GREAT day at the park, we headed back home late.  I was thinking about the day as we were driving.  I kept telling Tim to watch for deer as we drove because the road we were traveling on was wooded and is known for deer crossings at inopportune times.  For some reason I got to thinking about a deer jumping from the side of the road, slamming into the side of the car, coming through the window and killing me.  Morbid, I know.  I sometimes can't help the things that I think about though.

Satan must have been hard at work in that car, because all of a sudden doubt started creeping into my head.  I began to wonder, well.... what IF that happened?  Now, I'm just being brutally honest here.  I'm not going to sugar coat my feelings or thoughts.  I'm pretty much a person who's known for "telling it like it is".  What if.... what if I think I'm saved, but I'm not?  For all of you hard-core Christians out there, I'm sure you sucked in a huge gulp of air and thought "no she didn't".  "How could a true Christian say such a thing".  Well, sorry... I am a true Christian, and I it's what I was feeling at the moment.  If we are all honest with ourselves, I'm sure at one time or another doubt has crept into your head / heart as well... It doesn't make me any "less saved", it probably just makes me HUMAN!  It got me thinking though....

So, I posed the question to everyone in the car.  Cameron - are you ready to die?  Yes.  Christopher - are you ready to die?  Yes.  Tim - are you ready to die?  Yes.  Of-course we had the lengthy discussion about wanting to die vs. ready to die.  I was talking about READY to die.  If they died, in the next second, would they have confidence in knowing that the next face they saw would be that of their Savior?  Yep, they were all confident.  So, what was wrong with ME????  We discussed it for awhile and eventually, the question came back to me.  Well mom, what about you?  I knew the question would come back to me, but I was avoiding it!  Here's the thought process I went through:

If I'm totally honest, I don't know.  I mean, I know the strength of my salvation and I know my faith is in none other than Christ Jesus, but I can't say that I never have a moment of doubt.  I'd be lying if I said I didn't.  Not doubt about Christ, but doubt about ME.  God is big enough.  He could pluck me up right now if He wanted to, with or without my making a decision for Christ (not that He WOULD, but he COULD).  He could do it against my will if He wanted to.  But He doesn't.  He wants it to be my choice.  I believe in the strength of the blood of Jesus Christ.  I believe that my sin sat upon his shoulders.  He bore the burden of my sin - both past, present and future.  He died before I lived and He died for me, knowing the full extent of the sins I would commit.  He bore them before I committed them.  He saved me in spite of them.  He saved me BECAUSE of them.  He died for me.  He was buried for me.  He rose for me.  I believe all of that.  I believe in HIM.

My problem lies in my humanity.  I can't help it.  I look in the mirror and I think - if it were true, if I were saved, wouldn't I be better?  Wouldn't I look more "different"?  Wouldn't I look less like the person I do right now, and more like Jesus?  I can truly say that upon my salvation, I changed.  My friends will attest to it.  I truly am a different creature.  I look though at  how much of the "old man" still lives in me.  I look at how much I feed the "old man" and I begin to wonder...  Was  it really Christ who changed me, or was it me trying to change me?  

In the end, I believe Christ changed me.  I believe that because I professed my faith in Him.  I asked Him to save me.  I asked Him to be Lord of my  life.  And the change in my life was more than I could have ever done on my own.  Ask Megan, ask Monica, ask Jaime (ok, maybe you don't know them, but they ARE real people :).  And in the end, I believe that Satan spurs and continues my doubt.  Satan feeds the doubt in your mind.  Satan LOVES nothing more than for you to wonder, because you can't live for the glory of God if you are wondering if you are even His.  You can't live for the glory of God if you are focusing on all that you still do wrong.  You can't live for the glory of God if you are a doubter.  You can be HIS, but you can't live for HIS GLORY.

I am His.  I know I am His.  I guess, after sifting through the truth and the lies, I am left with knowing that I am HIS.  My name is in the book.  The date of my birth into His family has been written and it can not and WILL NOT be erased.  I never thought of it that way before.  I often thought of my name in the book of Life as written.  Maybe it is actually written, I don't know, but I viewed it as written.  When I doubt, I see it in pencil...If it's written, it can be erased.  If not erased, my page could be torn out.  But after I just wrote that "the date of my birth into his family has been written"....it struck home with me.....

A mother has a child and the hospital documents the birth.  When I had Cameron, a birth certificate was given to me.  It documented the date and time of his birth.  More important than that though, was the date and time that was imprinted on my brain.  If our house caught on fire and the birth certificate was destroyed, that does not mean that Cameron's birth did not happen.  Sure, I could get another official birth certificate, but even if I couldn't, his birth would still exist.  The same is true of my birth in Christ.  I don't know if there is a real physical book.  I don't know, if when I get to Heaven, I'll see the penmanship of my personal Lord and Savior - what I do know is this.... 

No matter how many children I have (either through birth or adoption), I will always remember the date and time they became part of my family.  I will always know the date and time Cameron was born.  I will know where I was sitting when the judge in Ethiopia said "She is your daughter".  I know the way the room looks that I sat in, in China, when they said "You have passed!  There were no questions!  She is your daughter!".  I know the day my three Ghanian babies became mine forever.  I KNOW this.  You can't take it from me.  I don't need a birth certificate or a book to remind me of it.  Jesus is so much more of a parent than I am.  Jesus never forgets.  He knows all and remembers all.  Whether or not there is a book, I am written in the MIND and HEART of my Savior.  He will stand before His Father and say - She is with me.  Book or no book.  Literal or figurative...He will say,  "she is out family".  He knew me when He died at the cross.  He knew me when He was buried in the tomb.  He knew me when He rose from the dead.  And if He knew me before I ever was, He will know me when we meet again.

Doubt is a strong feeling / emotion - whichever it is.  But know this to be true.  My God is stronger.  Doubt may have its day, but God has me for eternity.  The only thing doubt can do, is prevent me from living my life for the full glory of God.  

I will continue to struggle with doubt, I'm sure.  But, when I lay my head down at night, I know that there is a Spirit living in me that will refresh my mind, that will renew my spirit and soothe my heart.  I know He is ALIVE in me.  

So, to make a long story short, if the deer smashed through my window as we drove home from Carowinds, would I be ready to die?  The answer is an unmistakable YES!  When I close my eyes for the very last time and when I take my last breath on earth - I will open my eyes in another place, fully sighted and looking into the eyes of the one who saved me.

Don't let doubt spoil your walk with God.  Don't let doubt stop you from living fully for the glory of God.  Fight doubt with truth.  The truth of God's word, because nothing will beat the power of Satan like the strength and truth of God's Word!

In Christ,

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

The Hand-Off

Psalm 94:19 - When anxiety (doubt) was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.

Yesterday was a pretty exciting day at our house.  We had been waiting EXACTLY 81 days for our court decree to be printed and signed.  Well, I take that back... during that 81 day time frame, we got some "teasers".  First the document was printed and signed and it was so wrong that the agency did not even send it to me for review.  Back to court it went.  The second time it was printed and signed it was sent to me by our agency and it had Isabella's birthdate incorrect.  She was given the exact same birth date as Mary - same year and everything.  Apparently they were twins... maybe Mary is just super tall and Isabella is tiny.  I could have been ok with that :)  But, it had to go back to court to be fixed.  This time, the courts decided to take FOREVER!  And I do mean F-O-R-E-V-E-R!!!  Tears were shed along the way.  I threatened to go over to Ghana myself and sit outside the court house until I could get the documentation that was required.  I begged.  I pleaded.  Finally, yesterday, the court decree came!

A whirlwind of paperwork began.  I thought I was fully prepared with my I600's (all three of them), and I was, I just needed to go over each of them with a fine tooth comb and then again with a finer toothed comb and finally with something similar to a microscope :)  I had all of the documentation I needed, but each I600, when we got done with it, had 15 pages of supporting documents.  I had Cameron sit down with me, once I assembled Mary's I600 and I would do Nate's.  Cameron would tell me each document that followed, in order, and I would find the corresponding document that represented Nate's case.  Then we moved onto Isabella's.  Each step of the process I would tell Cameron how he could NOT remove the paperclip.  He needed to keep EVERYTHING in order.  Don't drop a SINGLE piece of paper because if it's not right our case will be delayed or denied.

After getting all of the documents assembled, I sent Tim to make copies of everything (with explicit instructions on how exactly to make copies...).  I know, you are probably thinking "he's an engineer... I think he would know how to make copies".  Well, being the paper manager that I am in this household, it was VERY difficult for me to hand over the documents and let him make copies at all.  The originals couldn't touch the copies - at any point in time for fear of getting mixed up and me sending the wrong thing or something that I didn't need to and eliminating something that I needed.  There were folders... purple for originals, red for the copies.  When he got home, I went through the packets AGAIN, drafted a cover letter to USCIS, filled out the e-notification form, binder clipped everything together and then went to the butcher block in the kitchen, called Cameron downstairs and asked him to count pages of the I600 packets.  

He counted his, I counted mine and then I asked him how many pages he got. 19.... GREAT, so did I.  Our packages, if not complete, were consistent!  But I think that they are actually complete AND consistent.

Today I confirmed a few last minute things and at lunch Tim came and took them from my sweaty hands (gasp) and delivered them to FedEx.  It was like he was taking away a fragile child... text me when you drop them off.... fax me a copy of the receipt and tracking number.  Yes, I know.  Control freak is written ALL OVER ME!  I'm ok with that.  This is THE LAST TIME I'm going through this process and I'm going to do it right!  (yes, the last time unless God says differently)

I sent our cover letter to our case manager just to make sure we had included everything that we needed to in each package and told her if it needed anything additional to let me know.  She said she could not think of anything other than to pray over it before I sent it off.

I prayed OVER it. I prayed ON it.  I prayed NEXT to it.  Prayed with my hands UNDER it.  I prayed with it NEAR and I prayed with it FAR.  I prayed while it was in TRANSPORT.  Believe me, I prayed.  I moved it from my controlling self, to God's infinitely more capable hands.  Believe me when I say I would have liked to make that hand-off long ago, but God had it slated for today.  

Isn't that interesting?  It is to me... that all along, for the past 81 days God probably thought (not that I claim to know God's thoughts, figuratively speaking of-course) "what are you so anxious about?  The time is not even near."  He knew all would come together today.  He knew I would make the hand-off today and He knew the sense of relief that would come over me today.  It's now out of my hands.  I can't do anything else.  I can worry, which I'm sure I will, but it will do no good.  God knows the day our I600 will be approved (because it WILL be approved) and He even knows the day my babies will come home.  I find that fascinating.

I pray today that the FedEx people handle our package as if they are holding three precious lives in their hands, because technically, they are.  Deliver our package in a timely fashion and please DO NOT LOSE IT!!!  

I think I will rest easier tonight.....

In Christ,

ABC's of My Heart: C = Cannus

Luke 12: 27-28 - Consider how the wild flowers grow.  They do not labor or spin.  Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.  If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire,  how much more will he clothe you - you of little faith!

So, you don't have a green thumb, but you want a plant that will look like you do, that will bloom all summer and is super hardy?  Well, have I got the plant for you!  Cannus.

This was not the post that I planned for my letter "C", but my original post just wouldn't come onto the page right, and it's too important of a topic to not give it my all.  So, when I woke up this morning I decided to switch gears.  

About five or so years ago we removed four huge trees from our front yard.  They blocked all of the sunlight from our windows, they were so large that sun didn't hit the ground and the grass rarely grew.  It made for a pretty ugly looking front yard.  While I'm not a fan of cutting down all the trees on a piece of property, these just needed to go.  In the place of the trees we built a large flower garden with landscape blocks.  It has two levels and even has a water feature.  I have always loved planting flowers so it was a perfect use of some of the space for me.

When we got the flower garden complete, it was time to fill it up.  I had left a few small bushes from around the trees in it, but it was a large flower garden and the majority of it was bare.  A blank canvas.

I like kind of unique plants.  I went to a local green house and found things like pineapple lilly.  I went to the day lilly farm and got some unique plants.  My mom and Denis brought me some for my birthday.  I still had a lot of space to fill though.  At the time, a friend of mine was thinning out some of his flowers (I should have taken that as a clue!!!).  He said I could come and get as many Cannus as I wanted.  I took about 29 pieces of what looked like dead leaves and thought that would get me nowhere.  I came home and planted them and sure enough, even though it looked like I just stuck a single leaf into the ground, it didn't take long and they were growing.  

The first summer, nothing much happened.  The second summer they looked great!  They filled in nicely, they were so nice and green, and I had managed to get both red and yellow flowers.  They were really pretty.  Enter the third summer.....They grew.  Not only did they grow, but they multiplied.... like rabbits!  I soon realized why my friend had been thinning out his plants and why he said we could take as many as we wanted!

This spring I decided that the Cannus were just getting out of hand.  We had spent several summers removing HUNDREDS if not THOUSANDS of Cannus from our flower garden.  They are like gray hair I guess... you pull one and two more show up in its place.  This year, I tried to KILL them.  Tim, Cameron and I went out with shovels and tried to take them all out.  We got the flower beds looking really nice, only to turn around about a week later and see little green leafs popping throught he mulch.  The Cannus had returned.  This past week when we got 10 straight days of rain... oh my how the Cannus loved it.  They came back with a vengeance.  Tim went out again and pulled more.  An entire lawn and leaf bag full of them.  Already I see some popping back up.  We have tried spraying them with round up, digging down to the roots and yanking them out... nothing works.

So, if you don't have a green thumb, but really want to look like you do, plant Cannus.  Put them in the ground, ignore them, water them occasionally, but only if you remember and watch them thrive like you've spent every day of every summer caring for them.  Full sun, partial sun, shade, swamp land... they'll even grow through cracks in landscape blocks....they obviously aren't picky!  They will make you look like a master gardener!  Make sure you like them though, because you will NEVER get rid of them!  And if you need some, I have HUNDREDS you are welcome to!

My original post was on child trafficking.  A much heavier topic I must say.  I just couldn't get it out on paper right.  Maybe I can modify the title and make it a different letter post :)  I just couldn't put it out there without really feeling like it was what I truly wanted to say.  I didn't have the time to spend on it that I thought I would as adoption documents started moving this week and I've got three I600's to file!!!  So, a bit lighter topic this week.  Next week though... back to the heavy stuff :)

In Christ,

Monday, July 1, 2013

ABC's of My Heart: B = Blind

2 Corinthians 5:7 - For we walk by faith, not by sight

We're all born blind.  You don't believe me?  Well, it's true.  I'll tell you how.  But first, a story.

I was born with a condition that leads to blindness.  I spent a good portion of my youth without any symptoms.  I read like a champion.  I passed all my eye tests.  I loved schoolwork.  I was a great student.  I enjoyed drawing.  Nothing would have made you believe, that lurking in the background was blindness.  I turned 16 and got my driver's license.  No problem.  I was never really good at sports, but figured that was just me.  Not everyone is good at sports.  
Ok, our skiing didn't look EXACTLY like this, but close :)
I loved to water ski.  One day, I was water skiing with a friend behind our boat.  We were double skiing. I came into the wake at the same time she did.  We collided.  I didn't see it coming.  Accidents happen.  

I worked at a festival with my mom one summer.  It was the summer I turned 16.  My mom's work had a booth and they needed volunteers.  I was "volunteered" to volunteer.  I drove downtown and on the way, I got in an accident.  I didn't see a car that was in my blind spot as I switched lanes.  I was sure that I had looked.  Accidents happen.

I went off to college and got my degree in Chemistry.  Six month later, after a prolonged period of time running into people and feeling like a klutz, I called my eye doctor out of desperation.  I told him there was either something wrong with my eyes, or I was crazy.  Well, contrary to popular belief, I'm not crazy.  There was something wrong with my eyes.  I was diagnosed with a condition called Retinitis Pigmentosa.  It is a degenerative eye condition that robs you of your peripheral vision, color vision, night vision and depth perception.  I'm now legally blind with less than 10 degrees of vision.  My color vision is very poor.  I can only see certain colors with accuracy.  I  have limited depth perception and no night vision.  I'm blind.
Apparently there is the number "45" in here.  I had to ask my son, because I can't see it.

It was a series of "symptoms" that lead me to discovering my condition.  Interestingly enough, the discovery of this blindness led me to the realization that I suffered from two types of blindness.  One thankfully had a cure.  Retinitis Pigmentosa has no cure... but it lead me to discover my second blindness that indeed has a cure.  Look at my symptoms closely, you may see them in yourself and find you too have this secondary blindness and have not yet found the cure.

We are all born blind.  I said that in the beginning and left you to ponder over it.  You can ponder a little more as I describe  how I came to discover my primary (yet found secondarily) blindness.  As you can tell from my story above, you are able to go through life without realizing you have a lurking condition - a blindness.  I lived for 23 years before anyone diagnosed my eye condition.  I lived for an additional 8 years before the second condition came to light.  It was through symptoms that it too was diagnosed.

After being diagnosed with RP, I began to feel bitter.  I was angry, frustrated and suffered from the "why me" syndrome. I was determined not to let this condition get the best of me though, so I put on a happy face and moved forward through life.  What happened though, is when people got close to me, and I was comfortable enough with them, they saw the true me that was lurking underneath.  The one that was not as confident as I demonstrated on the outside.  The one that was scared in spite of my seeming courage.  They saw the anger that lurked beneath the smile.  They witnessed the frustration that was just beneath the surface of my seeming contentment.  Fear, anger, frustration, tears, discontentment.... all symptoms.  Do you recognize them?  If you do, it may be because you too, are blind.  You were born blind remember.  Some of you found the cure early.  I found it when I was 31.  The cure for my spiritual blindness.  

As I said, we are all born blind.  Spiritually blind.  We are not born with Christ in us.  We are not born with an eternal home with God.  We are born into sin and hardship.  We are born into selfishness.  Even the cutest baby is born into sin.  We have a sin nature.  This sin nature is the cause of our blindness.  We need to seek out the cure.  The cure is Christ.  

I accepted Christ into my life when I was 31 years old.  Accepting Christ into my life cured my spiritual blindness.  Since I was on a roll with God, I decided... if He can cure something as significant and eternal as my spiritual blindness, then surely He can and will cure my physical blindness.  I asked and I waited.  I've been waiting 10 years now.  In that time I have found victory over:






It's been replaced with purpose, security, contentment and joy.  It didn't happen overnight, but it has happened.  They say when you accept Christ in your life you become a new creature, and anyone who knew me in the years and even months prior to becoming a Christian and then who have witnessed the transformation after my acceptance of Christ into my heart will attest to the fact that I am indeed a new creature in Christ.  I trust in Him.  I trust in His provisions.  I am no longer afraid.  I am no longer angry when I ask God to cure my physical blindness and he says no, because I know He has a purpose for me and for this condition in my life.  

I was born twice blind.  God cured my spiritual blindness.  I'm so thankful.  I can live with the physical blindness, because I know I will spend eternity fully sighted in the presence of my Savior.  What good would physical sight do for me, for this short time on earth, without spiritual vision?  I'd be left, separated from my Savior in a literal hell.  I'm thankful that God chooses how and what to cure.  If given a choice, I probably would have chosen to have my physical blindness cured, because I was not even aware of my spiritual blindness for quite some time.  That would have been an awful mistake on my part.  God left me there in my blindness- digging myself deep into a pit of dispair and ugliness and then, when I called out, He met me there and brought me into the light.  

Most people aren't born both spiritually and physically blind... but do you know the symptoms of spiritual blindness?  They are different for everyone.  They may come in the form of addiction, greed, anger, vanity, discontentment, fear... the list goes on and on... but for all these things, there is one cure.  Jesus Christ.  Have you found the cure?  It's never too late - until you die.  I was 31.  How old were you when you found the cure?

Also, have you shared the cure with others?  I know if I found the cure to RP, I'd put it on the internet.  I'd shout it from the rooftops.  I'd go around the world giving it to others.  But what about the cure for spiritual blindness?  We are all a little more quiet about that.  Why not share it?  It's so much more important than any physical ailment.  Eternity depends on it!

Don't be blind any more.  Know the symptoms, seek the cure and share it with others!

Oh, and the answer  (cure) I have been waiting on God for, for 10 years now... the question I asked Him 10 years ago... to no longer be physically blind.  He's answered me.  He's told me "no".  I don't believe a cure will come for me.  I'm ok with that.  God gently gave me the answer, and with that came peace.  Peace and His provisions.  He must have something pretty special planned for me with this condition to leave me in it... because after all, I'm His child.  For Him to leave me like this, must mean there's a bigger and better reason for it that I'm just not yet aware of.  He wouldn't leave me this way otherwise.  I trust Him!  There is a reason and I'm content in His answer.

In Christ,