Color Blind

Sometimes it is the post that defines the title, instead of the title defining the post... as was the case with this post. The title was written after the fact.

It has been confirmed....

12/14/2009 2:09 pm With delivery courier.
Addis Ababa, Ethiopia

Our documents are now officially in the same country as our daughter! How cool is that? To me, that is WAY cool! I honestly didn't know if we'd be at this point by Christmas. I didn't know how long our immigration approval would take, but that was approved in RECORD time. And now, here we are. I'm amazed. I'm excited. I'm full of anticipation....

While I am all of those things, I still stand a bit reserved. We have been here before. Not exactly *here*, but in a very similar situation. Dossier in country and nothing ever came of it. Then we got close to dossier being in country, and couldn't move any further forward because of country changes. So, while we are here again, and full of excitement, we are still a bit reserved.

When I was in the process of adopting Anna, I guess I was a bit naive with regard to the adoption process. I announced my decision immediately, and everyone waited with me for a year to get my paperwork done, to send it off, to get a referral, and then to go and get my baby girl. With the many unsuccessful attempts to adopt recently, it's been a bit more quiet. Very few people know - only close friends and family. I've been down the road of having to explain to person after person why we don't have a child home with us yet. It's difficult. Especially when the person doesn't understand the adoption process. There are so many questions.... where did all of your money go? Doesn't it make you mad that you spent so much money and didn't get a child? Why can't you get your money back? Why don't you just adopt from here? or here?

More than money, for us, it is lost dreams. I pray that our Sara Joy is not another lost dream. I don't think she will be though. God led us here, and God will see us through this. If HE means for our daughter to come from Ethiopia, then she will come, and nothing will stop the process. If in the end, we don't have a child - God has given me peace with this process. Strange but true. No matter what happens, I feel as though God wanted us here, now, going through this process. I want nothing more than to bring home my daughter.... but it's real nice to be walking through where God wanted you to walk at the same time.

I really have been very cautious about how excited I get about this process though. With Christmas right around the corner, I have every reason to want to get Sara things. She will eventually be home and I want her to know that we were thinking about her, before maybe she even existed. She is our daughter in our hearts already... why not buy gifts for her. Well, I've held myself back. I don't want to be disappointed again. I did pick out a very special doll for her though. She will have that. She got a "black" baby doll. I'm not sure if that is the right term to use, if it is offensive or what would be the right thing to say, but that is what she got. Anna got an asian looking doll. Here is the best part though.....

My kids don't see in color. Really, they don't. I brought Sara's doll out. Anna asked why Sara got a doll and she was not even here. It would have been from "Santa", but I quickly explained to her that her dad and I got the doll for Sara, because even though she is not here with us yet, we wanted to remember her on Christmas. I turned the box so the doll was clear through the front of the package. I asked Anna if there was anything special about that doll. Now in the past I've tried to get Anna asian looking dolls, but sometimes that is not possible, so she ends up with a white baby - so mind you, the majority of dolls she has ever looked at, are white. I asked her if there was anything different or special about this doll than any of her other dolls. She looked closely at the box. She said,

"She has a blankie"
"She has a pacifier"
"She has a bow on her head"
"Oh, she has tiny little shoes"
"She has food she can eat"
"Look, she even has extra clothes"
"She has a small teddy bear that she can play with"

She never mentioned that the doll had dark skin. I think of all the things I have done wrong with my kids, I think the one thing I have done right, is help them not see color. Thank goodness for that. It's not that I don't want her to recognize the differences... but it shouldn't be the first thing my children see about someone. I want them to see past the color of people, and see what the person has to offer, independent of color. I want my children to be color blind, and for now, it appears as though, they are.

Life isn't about color... life is about people. It's important to embrace the differences in people of different color, but it shouldn't be what distinguishes them. I can't wait to embrace my Sara Joy.

In Christ,
Charity