With a very heavy heart, I headed back to work today. It was very difficult for me. I got all of Sara's things packed up to take with her, and it felt like I was moving her out of the house.... Getting ready for work this morning I was stressed. I wanted to throw up and I cried more than once. I didn't want to go back. I didn't want to leave Sara. I was sure after all the bonding we did, that the daycare people would just undo it all! What if she hated it? What would I do then?
Well, time kept ticking by and needless to say it got to the point where I had to go into work. We stopped by Sara's child care first. I wish I could send all the kids to the same place, but Cameron and Anna's school does not start childcare until 3K. So, Sara couldn't go there. We did find a wonderful place for her to go though. So, we pulled into the childcare facility. I hugged her tighter than I think I have every hugged her before. I took all of her things into the classroom and started organizing her things in her cubby and telling the teachers what she liked, didn't like and how she is using the potty now. I had put Sara down and started to show her around the room. Well, she clung to my legs. In a way, that made me feel good. But then, one of the childcare providers came up and started interacting with her and Sara decided to go with her. As they were exploring, I stepped out. There were no tears - well, not for Sara anyway. I felt like I was leaving my little girl! When I got back in the car, Cameron asked why I was crying. I said "I cried for you, I cried for Anna, it is only fitting that I cry for Sara as well". I knew she was in good hands or I would not have left her there, but I wanted her with me!
I managed to keep myself from calling until around 11:00. the childcare director took my call and I asked her how Sara was doing. She said she was doing wonderfully! She said she had poked her head in several times and she seemed very content and happy. She also said that ever since we notified them that we were going to place Sara there, and then when we were going to get her, that they prayed for her at staff meetings. They prayed for the transition of her into our family and for all of our safe travels. She said everyone poked their head in to see Sara today because they desperately wanted to see the child they had been praying for. Everyone fell in love with her! It was SO good to hear!
Tim had to go out of town this week, so I had to do the first day of child care on my own. Cameron and Anna understood the stress of sending her off, so they helped me out a TON this morning and also this evening. Cameron wanted me to have a "relaxing" evening after my stressful morning this morning, so he basically took over the house. It gave me time to play a little with Sara.
This evening I realized that Sara loves to have her head scratched after I take out her pony tails in the evening. Not really scratched, but rubbed with my fingernails.... I love that feeling too. I also found out that my baby girl likes reese's peanut butter cups! She will immediately sit on the kitchen floor with her mouth open like a bird when she sees me get one out. She knows she has to be sitting to eat and it has to be in the kitchen!
All in all, after my initial heartbreak this morning, it ended up being an ok day. Sara loved day care. They said she did not cry at all the entire day, and that she used the potty all day long! Horray for that! They were thrilled with her and I'm thrilled with them! Getting the first day out of the way is the hardest....
If you stop by and read this, leave me a comment. I love to read all of your comments and if you have a blog, leave me information on your blog. I have decided I need to add to my blog list. I want to keep up with some families who are just starting out on their adoption journeys... I need to read stories to keep this magical feeling alive in me regarding adoption. Every story is a miracle unfolding. So, read, comment and leave me your blog address. Even if you don't have a blog, leave me a comment. Let me know what you want to know about... otherwise, I just keep writing about life - it's what I know!
Surprisingly enough, this is one happy, blessed mom at the end of what started out as a pretty rough day!
Praise God for the child care that I have and the children that only HE gave me! I truly am blessed!