To tell my story, I have to go back one day.... to yesterday. Yesterday on facebook, I put on my profile
Charity Roach is... "wondering when we will get the referral for our little girl... if anyone on Facebook knows, please clue me in" (Monday)
If someone would have said "tomorrow" I would have laughed. Loudly. Hysterically. Probably for a really long time. We have been waiting on this adoption for FOREVER, it would not happen tomorrow (today).
Fast forward to today. My profile comment was:
Charity Roach....is thinking that it sure feels like a Monday!!! Bad start to my work day.... it feels like I just sat down and the day is half over! (Tuesday - today)
It only got better from there. I logged into my work computer at about 7:40 today. At 7:49 I got an e-mail from global quality. A complaint. The e-mail simply said "Charity, please take care of this complaint". Sure, no problem... I had nothing else to do today. Nothing else planned. And ok, it's my job... I'll take care of it. I read the details. It was a complaint from a batch that was manufactured TEN years ago. Seriously TEN YEARS AGO??? In 2000! Cameron was barely born. He wasn't eating solid food... and I'm getting a complaint about this? I won't go into the details, but let's just say that it won't be an easy complaint investigation. The people who worked on the batch are no longer at the company. The management is, so they have some information, but the process techs - they have moved on. I had to get the batch book out of warehouse storage to even start the investigation. We don't send them to long term storage for usually five years. After five years we figure we won't need to access them. Wrong. This batch from 10 years ago is going to impact our metrics TODAY! I get bothered by complaints that are for batches that happened on something other than my watch... and seriously... ten years ago??? Oh well, the nature of the business, I guess. So, I dropped everything that I had planned for today and started a complaint investigation. I actually enjoy these investigations but don't like the time pressure you are under to resolve them. I always find them a bit fascinating... kinda sick, I know, but I guess that's why I'm in Quality. Many of my colleagues would agree that it takes a very "special" person to love my job... and I do love it.
So, I spent the day investigating. I managed to make it to ONE meeting that I had previously scheduled for today. It was scheduled for 1/2 hour. I was back at my office 2 hours later... nice. The meeting was for 1:30... back at my desk at 3:30. Complaint days are never good days... thankfully we don't have many!
Before I left for my meeting I had sent some e-mails to individuals regarding the complaint, hoping they could provide me with some additional information. I had requested that some materials be returned to us from the formulation site to help facilite the investigation - I was hoping I would have gotten some answers and confirmations that materials would be returned. So, I hop on my e-mail real quick... no responses but there was an interesting e-mail there.....and this is where my day gets worse:
To: Charity Roach.... From: Jane Doe (not her real name :) Re: Referral
Had I sent the agency an e-mail lately asking some silly question about a referral and they were responding.???? I couldn't remember. Maybe they read my Facebook profile comment yesterday and they COULD actually tell me when I was getting a referral. I didn't remember adding them as a "friend" on facebook though. How about I just OPEN it (heart pounding at about 200 beats per minute).
It was a referral. A real referral. I read a little - and then my heart sank. It was a referral for a child we could not accept. My breath was taken away, then given back to me quickly as my heart sank. The little girl has probable special needs. This is the second time this has happened to us. We are NOT expecting a perfect child, but due to my physical limitations due to my vision, it is not feasable for us to accept the referral of a special needs child. I contacted the agency and asked them why we were getting this... this is actually the second time this has happened to us, and it really is not fair. You can't imagine how my heart skipped a beat and did a backflip when I saw the subject of the message.... WAS THIS REALLY IT? OUR REFERRAL???? No, it was not! We had requested a non-special needs child. However, as part of our homestudy, we were asked to include in it that we would accept a child with minor medical needs on a case by case basis just in case there was a situation in which there was a condition that the US embassy thought would be considered "special needs" but could be cleared up with minimal effort. The agency promised me they would clarify this with the staff in Ethiopia. From what I understand it is standard in all of the home studies that my agency provides, so she was not sure why the confusion. She was clear in her e-mail that she understood that we requested non special needs but since the child was presented, she had to present her to us.
It is heartbreaking to say "no" to a child. How do you look into the face (even if it is just a picture) and say NO? It is very hard, but we had to do it. Call me self-centered, call me selfish, call me whatever you want, but as a family, Tim and I have decided that this is not something that we can manage. It would not be fair to our other children, and it wouldn't be fair to the child who would need extra attention and medical care that I would have a difficult time providing while not being able to drive. If something happened to one of our children, we would deal with it... but to go into something knowingly taking on more than you can handle is wrong. So we had to say no. It's the same reason Tim and I have decided not to have a biological child... because that is not what is best for our family (and because I desperately want to adopt). When I had Cameron I lost 50% of what remaining vision I had, the year after his birth. I was told that while it can't be proven, the stress of pregnancy likely contributed to my vision loss. I can't aford to take that risk again. I have about 10 Degrees of vision left - take away 50% of that and I have 5 degrees left. A biological child is not worth the extra burden it would put on my family, and it is not worth the years I would take from myself of enjoying the sight of my children. God can take it away... but I can't choose to. I would love another biological child... don't get me wrong, but there are many other children in the world to love.
So, for a day that started out bad, it went to worse. I cried - not really crying, but the "eyes filling up with tears" sort of thing. Just silent hurt. Adoption is not easy... it is full of emotion. I'm telling you, from my perspective, a pregnancy was MUCH easier....all 41 weeks and three days worth of it. All 22 hours of hard labor of it... All 2 1/2 hours of pushing... all winding up in a c-section... add on top of that the pain of recovery. Much easier than an adoption. People don't adopt to avoid the pain of pregnancy. Not this mom anyway. It's a calling. It's a desire so strong in your heart it almost hurts - well, not almost, it DOES hurt. It's how this family is meant to add to our family.
So, today I pray that tomorrow will be better. Today I pray that we did the right thing. Today I pray that the baby girl offered to us will find a perfect home. Today I thank God for the right to adopt, and thank God for the seed he planted in my heart so long ago. The seed that brought me Anna. The pain of the process is worth the child I will someday call daughter. And today I pray that the next time I see the words "referral" it will be for our daughter - who we can accept.
In Christ,
Charity
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Swirling thoughts
It's starting to feel like summer here in SC! I have been so looking forward to this time, and it's finally here. The family and I have been out working in the yard, cycling, walking the bike trail - lots of outdoor things. The kids are still playing soccer and are enjoying that!
So, we have passed the four month mark in terms of the wait for the referral of our little girl. It's beginning to get pretty difficult just waiting. Many things are changing in the adoption world, and while all those things are going on, we sit here waiting... wondering... when will our Sara Joy come home? Sometimes I think I am so stupid for having done her room. There are days when I think she will never come home. There are days when I think "why spend any more money, why put any more emotional investment into it, why not just QUIT? It has been THREE YEARS for goodness sake... give it up already". Those days pass though. Unfortunately they creep back in every once in awhile.
When I look in Sara's room, it makes my heart warm. I think of the little girl who I will be so thankful for being able to bring home, to her room. She will be worth the wait. It's a daily struggle though. Tim and I could have had three biological children in the time we have spent trying to adopt one. We could have switched up our path forward and adopt a child domestically and have a child in our home by now. God has my feet firmly planted though - in Ethiopia - even while my mind wanders. Unless Ethiopia leaves us (the country closes) we will not be leaving Ethiopia. My Sara Joy is there! So, we continue the wait....and wait... and wait. I can't wait until our wait is over (and then on to Nate and the wait will start all over again.... :)
While we wait, Tim and I have been thinking about some changes for our life. We are throwing around the idea again of selling the house and building on a larger lot - more in the country. It would be closer to work, and no further from the kids' school. Tim is going to crunch the numbers and see what we might want to do. We are looking at a 6 acre lot, which will be very nice. I've been looking at house plans to see what we might want to build. Just something we are throwing around.
Tim is thinking about getting his Masters Degree. It would be a great opportunity for him. He would have to travel a bit in order to do it, but I think it would be worth it for him. So, while we are thinking about that, we have also considered getting a second car. That way, we could buy a used one, put the miles on it, and keep some miles off of the Expedition. I think we are going to go look at one today. One of my colleagues has a car for sale and I think it would be a great deal and perfect for us. We'll see after Tim goes to take a look at it though. Even if Tim doesn't do the Master's program - which I think he will - it will still be good for us to have a second car, just to drive back and forth to work when we don't need all the space of the Expedition. It will save us on gas as well. Even though I can't drive, it's good to have two cars at the house.
We have been visiting churches around the area the past few weeks. We don't have an issue with our church, but we also are looking for different opportunities to serve for myself and Tim. We are headed back to a church this weekend and I think it may be the church that our family lands in. The kids like it so far and Tim and I like it as well. I think it will provide service opportunities for myself and Tim - and that is really what we are looking for. The people have been very friendly. It's different than the church we have been attending, but different isn't always bad. We'll see where we land. The most important thing is that they preach the truth of the gospel.. and so far, that's all we've heard :)
Tim has the kids at soccer this morning (and it's raining... sorry Tim!!!). We were hoping to work out in the yard, so maybe the rain will stop! We had a great family evening last night. We decided at the last minute to pick up a quick dinner and then take the kids to see "How to tame your dragon". It was a real cute movie - and both of the kids liked it. We had a good time together. Unfortunately Cameron had a sore throat all evening, and again this morning... I'm hoping he is not getting strep throat... we'll have to wait and see.
In Christ,
Charity
So, we have passed the four month mark in terms of the wait for the referral of our little girl. It's beginning to get pretty difficult just waiting. Many things are changing in the adoption world, and while all those things are going on, we sit here waiting... wondering... when will our Sara Joy come home? Sometimes I think I am so stupid for having done her room. There are days when I think she will never come home. There are days when I think "why spend any more money, why put any more emotional investment into it, why not just QUIT? It has been THREE YEARS for goodness sake... give it up already". Those days pass though. Unfortunately they creep back in every once in awhile.
When I look in Sara's room, it makes my heart warm. I think of the little girl who I will be so thankful for being able to bring home, to her room. She will be worth the wait. It's a daily struggle though. Tim and I could have had three biological children in the time we have spent trying to adopt one. We could have switched up our path forward and adopt a child domestically and have a child in our home by now. God has my feet firmly planted though - in Ethiopia - even while my mind wanders. Unless Ethiopia leaves us (the country closes) we will not be leaving Ethiopia. My Sara Joy is there! So, we continue the wait....and wait... and wait. I can't wait until our wait is over (and then on to Nate and the wait will start all over again.... :)
While we wait, Tim and I have been thinking about some changes for our life. We are throwing around the idea again of selling the house and building on a larger lot - more in the country. It would be closer to work, and no further from the kids' school. Tim is going to crunch the numbers and see what we might want to do. We are looking at a 6 acre lot, which will be very nice. I've been looking at house plans to see what we might want to build. Just something we are throwing around.
Tim is thinking about getting his Masters Degree. It would be a great opportunity for him. He would have to travel a bit in order to do it, but I think it would be worth it for him. So, while we are thinking about that, we have also considered getting a second car. That way, we could buy a used one, put the miles on it, and keep some miles off of the Expedition. I think we are going to go look at one today. One of my colleagues has a car for sale and I think it would be a great deal and perfect for us. We'll see after Tim goes to take a look at it though. Even if Tim doesn't do the Master's program - which I think he will - it will still be good for us to have a second car, just to drive back and forth to work when we don't need all the space of the Expedition. It will save us on gas as well. Even though I can't drive, it's good to have two cars at the house.
We have been visiting churches around the area the past few weeks. We don't have an issue with our church, but we also are looking for different opportunities to serve for myself and Tim. We are headed back to a church this weekend and I think it may be the church that our family lands in. The kids like it so far and Tim and I like it as well. I think it will provide service opportunities for myself and Tim - and that is really what we are looking for. The people have been very friendly. It's different than the church we have been attending, but different isn't always bad. We'll see where we land. The most important thing is that they preach the truth of the gospel.. and so far, that's all we've heard :)
Tim has the kids at soccer this morning (and it's raining... sorry Tim!!!). We were hoping to work out in the yard, so maybe the rain will stop! We had a great family evening last night. We decided at the last minute to pick up a quick dinner and then take the kids to see "How to tame your dragon". It was a real cute movie - and both of the kids liked it. We had a good time together. Unfortunately Cameron had a sore throat all evening, and again this morning... I'm hoping he is not getting strep throat... we'll have to wait and see.
In Christ,
Charity
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Pearl and Shadow
I promised a friend of mine a picture of Pearl and the kittens. Mocha was not being very cooperative. Shadow on the other hand has gotten very comfortable with Pearl and her things. Shadow drinks out of Pearl's water bowl. When it's dinner time for Pearl, Shadow runs up to the bowl and takes a few pieces out for herself to play with. Pearl promptly eats them and goes back to the bowl, but does not chase Shadow away. Today I was home from work, not feeling very well, and I looked over and Shadow had taken up residence on Pearl's mat.
I almost took her off, because truly, this is Pearl's space. Pearl is a working dog and has to have a place to call her own, to be near me, but be comfortable. Pearl sleeps on this mat every night. So, I almost took Shadow off, but then I noticed that Pearl didn't really seem to mind her being there. In fact, maybe she wanted her there.
The funny part was that Shadow took Pearl's favorite place. Pearl's favorite place is in the corner by the dresser. Well, that is where Shadow decided to make her place. Here are some pictures of my little ones together.
Aren't they the sweetest little things? Ok, so they are not snuggling...not quite yet, but they are sharing space.
I'll get some pictures of Mocha, but right now she is napping under the bed - not the best photo opportunity :)
In Christ,
Charity
I almost took her off, because truly, this is Pearl's space. Pearl is a working dog and has to have a place to call her own, to be near me, but be comfortable. Pearl sleeps on this mat every night. So, I almost took Shadow off, but then I noticed that Pearl didn't really seem to mind her being there. In fact, maybe she wanted her there.
The funny part was that Shadow took Pearl's favorite place. Pearl's favorite place is in the corner by the dresser. Well, that is where Shadow decided to make her place. Here are some pictures of my little ones together.
Aren't they the sweetest little things? Ok, so they are not snuggling...not quite yet, but they are sharing space.
I'll get some pictures of Mocha, but right now she is napping under the bed - not the best photo opportunity :)
In Christ,
Charity
Monday, April 5, 2010
When is a family complete?
Easter Sunday has come and gone and I managed to go the weekend without a post…. Not too surprising since we were busy most of the weekend. We had a GREAT time hanging out with the kids and enjoying the nice South Carolina weather! Today is supposed to be 87 degrees! Wonderful for this time of year!!! The flowers are sure enjoying the warm weather… although so are the weeds :)
This weekend Tim and I had quite a long discussion…well, it was not all one, long, consecutive discussion, but bits and pieces over the weekend. We were talking about kids. I know that Sara will not be our last child. Nathaniel will come next. Where he will come from, I’m not sure, but he will come to us, Lord willing. We will do what we can to get him to us. Where do you stop though? Personally, I could go on and on forever, but when do you determine the right time to stop? Is it based on finances? Personal comfort? The ideal sized family? I personally don’t buy any of those. Tim brought up some good points… things that I need to think about – like when do we give our time to the children we already have? When do you take into consideration our age and how old we will be when the child grows up and is out of the home?
To me, finances are clear – God gives us our money and it is His. All of it. We have to choose wisely when we use it. We don’t need all the things that we have. I think a lot of it is for personal pleasure or comfort. If we cut back, we could bring more children into our home.
God gives us our time as well. This is where it becomes a little more difficult for me. Many times you can work harder or longer and make more money. You can never make more time though. We all have the same, limited amount in every single day. So, I have to make time for work, time for church, time to sleep, time for the kids’ homework, time for making dinner, time for bathing the kids, time for soccer practice, time for grocery shopping, time for getting ready in the morning, time for taking care of the yard, time for feeding the dog, time for …. And the list goes on and on. It’s all God’s time. Are we using it right? Will another child fit into the appropriate “time slot”? That is a sad comment, but it is a true one.
The discussion with Tim brought me to tears this weekend – not because he is more set on the plans for our family, but because he is right. We can not help them all. But that thought makes me sick to my stomach. We have so much and some have so little. We will have another child. We will bring our Sara home. We will bring our Nathaniel home. That will probably be it though. Is that enough for God to say “you did what I asked”? I don’t know. My heart’s desire is for children. Maybe God has these plans for us (adding Sara and Nate to our family) and then bigger plans – to uproot Tim and I from our comfort zone in later years and go where the children are, instead of bringing the children to us. Maybe that is what God will have us do. All I know is that my heart didn’t break this weekend for no reason – it broke because God made it break. God planted a seed and we will wait to see how it grows.
How did you determine that your family was complete? I’d love to hear the comments. Even if you are in the beginning stages of planning your family, or are in the middle of making your family – I’m sure (like me) that everyone has a “plan”. My plan has changed over time, but I always had one. I’d also love to hear how if you had a plan, how it changed with time, like mine.
Short Updates:
Anna – Wonderful! Praise God! She is up to 24 green tickets in a row. Thank you for your prayers!
Adoption – we are about 3 months and 3 weeks into our wait for a referral. We are hoping we will have to wait less than the anticipated wait time of about 9 months. We desperately want to know our daughter!
The kittens – excellent!!! What a wonderful addition to our home. They are so sweet and snuggly! We absolutely LOVE them!
In Christ,
Charity
This weekend Tim and I had quite a long discussion…well, it was not all one, long, consecutive discussion, but bits and pieces over the weekend. We were talking about kids. I know that Sara will not be our last child. Nathaniel will come next. Where he will come from, I’m not sure, but he will come to us, Lord willing. We will do what we can to get him to us. Where do you stop though? Personally, I could go on and on forever, but when do you determine the right time to stop? Is it based on finances? Personal comfort? The ideal sized family? I personally don’t buy any of those. Tim brought up some good points… things that I need to think about – like when do we give our time to the children we already have? When do you take into consideration our age and how old we will be when the child grows up and is out of the home?
To me, finances are clear – God gives us our money and it is His. All of it. We have to choose wisely when we use it. We don’t need all the things that we have. I think a lot of it is for personal pleasure or comfort. If we cut back, we could bring more children into our home.
God gives us our time as well. This is where it becomes a little more difficult for me. Many times you can work harder or longer and make more money. You can never make more time though. We all have the same, limited amount in every single day. So, I have to make time for work, time for church, time to sleep, time for the kids’ homework, time for making dinner, time for bathing the kids, time for soccer practice, time for grocery shopping, time for getting ready in the morning, time for taking care of the yard, time for feeding the dog, time for …. And the list goes on and on. It’s all God’s time. Are we using it right? Will another child fit into the appropriate “time slot”? That is a sad comment, but it is a true one.
The discussion with Tim brought me to tears this weekend – not because he is more set on the plans for our family, but because he is right. We can not help them all. But that thought makes me sick to my stomach. We have so much and some have so little. We will have another child. We will bring our Sara home. We will bring our Nathaniel home. That will probably be it though. Is that enough for God to say “you did what I asked”? I don’t know. My heart’s desire is for children. Maybe God has these plans for us (adding Sara and Nate to our family) and then bigger plans – to uproot Tim and I from our comfort zone in later years and go where the children are, instead of bringing the children to us. Maybe that is what God will have us do. All I know is that my heart didn’t break this weekend for no reason – it broke because God made it break. God planted a seed and we will wait to see how it grows.
How did you determine that your family was complete? I’d love to hear the comments. Even if you are in the beginning stages of planning your family, or are in the middle of making your family – I’m sure (like me) that everyone has a “plan”. My plan has changed over time, but I always had one. I’d also love to hear how if you had a plan, how it changed with time, like mine.
Short Updates:
Anna – Wonderful! Praise God! She is up to 24 green tickets in a row. Thank you for your prayers!
Adoption – we are about 3 months and 3 weeks into our wait for a referral. We are hoping we will have to wait less than the anticipated wait time of about 9 months. We desperately want to know our daughter!
The kittens – excellent!!! What a wonderful addition to our home. They are so sweet and snuggly! We absolutely LOVE them!
In Christ,
Charity
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Introducing Mocha and Shadow
Tim and I have been tossing around the idea of a cat. Not sure why, but we thought it would be something good for Anna. We decided to wait until we hit a milestone with her, in terms of school, and then we would allow the kids to pick out a kitten. Well, we did some research and decided on a persian kitten. Not only are they wonderful with children, they are very social cats, they typically do well with other animals and they are just so stinkin' cute.
So, we made the decision... then we just had to find the right kitten. So, yesterday we were looking up some kitten places on the internet. We found one in SC - but we would have to drive over 2 hours to see it. So, what do we do? We pick the kids up from school a bit early and take a drive. This individual had two kittens... two little sisters. On the way there we were discussing how we were only getting ONE kitten. We had decided on the little gray one after the individual sent us pictures of them. I was dead set on coming home with only one kitten. I began to worry though how we would choose.... how would we leave just ONE behind.. all. by. itself?
Tim apparently has a heart of stone - or so he thinks, because he said he is not emotionally attached to either cat based on a picture, so he has no problem leaving one behind. Yeah, until we get there and he sees them, and he becomes instantly emotionally attached. I was determined to come home with one cat... but the kids saw the crack in the wall. The weak link... and it was Tim. Oh how Tim was torn. Oh how could we leave just one. What if no one wanted her? They have ever only had each other (there were only two kittens in the litter). My biggest problem was we had only chosen ONE name. The kids divided and conquered. If they couldn't decide on one together, then maybe chances were better that they would get both.... They figured this all out through body language and eye contact. So, Tim... which ONE do you want? Oh, he couldn't choose... they were BOTH so cute (and they were), they were BOTH so lovable (and they were)... so Tim made the executive decision to get both. I'm kinda glad we did, because they didn't make a peep the entire way home. They just kept each other company.
Still my biggest problem was ONLY ONE NAME. We had only chosen Mocha as a name. The entire way home we discussed names. I finally came up with Shadow and we all agreed. So, without further adeu....
Mocha
and Shadow
So, we made the decision... then we just had to find the right kitten. So, yesterday we were looking up some kitten places on the internet. We found one in SC - but we would have to drive over 2 hours to see it. So, what do we do? We pick the kids up from school a bit early and take a drive. This individual had two kittens... two little sisters. On the way there we were discussing how we were only getting ONE kitten. We had decided on the little gray one after the individual sent us pictures of them. I was dead set on coming home with only one kitten. I began to worry though how we would choose.... how would we leave just ONE behind.. all. by. itself?
Tim apparently has a heart of stone - or so he thinks, because he said he is not emotionally attached to either cat based on a picture, so he has no problem leaving one behind. Yeah, until we get there and he sees them, and he becomes instantly emotionally attached. I was determined to come home with one cat... but the kids saw the crack in the wall. The weak link... and it was Tim. Oh how Tim was torn. Oh how could we leave just one. What if no one wanted her? They have ever only had each other (there were only two kittens in the litter). My biggest problem was we had only chosen ONE name. The kids divided and conquered. If they couldn't decide on one together, then maybe chances were better that they would get both.... They figured this all out through body language and eye contact. So, Tim... which ONE do you want? Oh, he couldn't choose... they were BOTH so cute (and they were), they were BOTH so lovable (and they were)... so Tim made the executive decision to get both. I'm kinda glad we did, because they didn't make a peep the entire way home. They just kept each other company.
Still my biggest problem was ONLY ONE NAME. We had only chosen Mocha as a name. The entire way home we discussed names. I finally came up with Shadow and we all agreed. So, without further adeu....
Mocha
and Shadow
And the two sisters together
In Christ,
Charity
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
So far, so good.
Thank you to everyone who has supported our family (especially our Anna) both on and off this blog as we learn to deal with ADHD. I apprecaite every comment - from those who have been through it, to those who have taught children with it, those who have a family member, those who just know how to support us in what for us, has been a very difficult time. I will say that I know so many others who are dealing with so much more, and I am SO VERY THANKFUL that I don't have more that I am having to deal with, with regard to Anna - but for us this has been difficult as well. Seeing Anna struggle has probably been the hardest part.
There have been times when Anna could not get a green ticket at school to save her life. I would drop her off at the door in the morning with a routine "Remember: Love God and Love others. Treat others how you would want to be treated. Treat people with kindness. Do not speak out of turn. Hands are for hugging. Kind words should come out of your mouth". It was one constant reminder after another.
Then we'd get to work and the phone would ring. If it was the school, I knew it was bad. If it was Tim, I wondered if he was calling me to tell me the school called him. For awhile I would get upset if he called me for a work question because I lived in fear that he was calling because he got called about Anna.
I fear even writing this, because surely my world will fall in around me just for writing it... but yesterday Anna celebrated getting her 15th (yes, 15!!!!) green ticket in a row. She has not only gotten green tickets, but has mostly come home with green tickets with a tootsie roll taped to it. "Green ticket with a tootsie-roll" means that you did not even have to be reminded once throughout the day about your behavior or how to treat people. This is the Anna that I KNEW was always there. I can't remember the last time Anna got two green ticket in a row let alone 15!!! Not only am I happy for me... it makes coming to work and having the phone ring a lot less stressful :) but I'm more happy for Anna. This is the child I'm sure she has wanted to be. You could see the frustration in her before. You could see her sadness in not being able to achieve like the others. She has a different "pep" in her step. Her smile is bigger, her eyes brighter, her laughter comes more readily - because she is not constantly suffering consequences.
I'm keeping a calendar of her progress - both in terms of behavior at school and in terms of any side effects of the medication that we notice. At first it was a decreased appetite, she was unable to sleep through the night and she was more weepy than I have ever seen her. These are for the most part gone though. The only thing that still remains is somewhat less of an appetite than she had before, but nothing to be concerned about.
It's actually interesting to see the things she gravitates to now... she is still a rough player. Anna has always been a kid that plays and plays hard. At the same time, she has colored me picture after picture. She has never been able to really sit still for extended periods and color a full picture. She would move onto something else half way through. Now, not only does she color a full picture in one sitting, but she might color more than one. She is also a great writer. She enjoys writing letters - I have so many little love notes from Anna saying "I luv you mom" (She sounds out love and to her it is spelled that way). She also just likes letter formation - she has sat down and copied parts of the bible... now what mother in their right mind would stop their child from doing that??? :) Copy away my dear Anna! Copy away.
One of her after school child care workers, I'll call her Ms. "H" - she'll know who she is if she reads this - is such the cheerleader for Anna. She has always loved my Anna, but she is quick to notice the difference in her as well. Every day I walk in, she tells me what an EXCELLENT day Anna has had. One day, I went to pick the kids up from school and Cameron want out to the car with Tim and I went and got Anna. She was in the office. I thought "oh no - this didn't last very long". She came skipping out of the office with Ms. H. Because she was having such a great behavior day, she was allowed to go to the child care office and help with some things in there. She was THRILLED. The smile on her face was huge. You could always see it on her face when her brother had the opportunity to do these things, but she never did. They got to put together snack bags for a special kids treat, or things like that - even things like putting announcements in envelopes for the parents. The kids who are behaving have an opportunity to help and they all enjoy that. Anna had her turn. All by herself and the smile on her beaming little face as she was skipping down the hall was priceless!
I worried about how the medication would change Anna's personality... would she just sit there and do nothing? Anna has always reminded me of a little hummingbird - flitting all over, bringing people joy wherever she went. (ok, when she was not misbehaving). But seriously, that was her personality. I did not want to see that changed, and thankfully, it has not. I really have not noticed anything, other than a less frustrated, more compliant child! Praise God for that!
On the adoption... no news. We've been waiting over three months now and anticipate waiting quite a bit longer. Wish I had more to share in that regard!
Thank you all again, for all of your support!
In Christ,
Charity
There have been times when Anna could not get a green ticket at school to save her life. I would drop her off at the door in the morning with a routine "Remember: Love God and Love others. Treat others how you would want to be treated. Treat people with kindness. Do not speak out of turn. Hands are for hugging. Kind words should come out of your mouth". It was one constant reminder after another.
Then we'd get to work and the phone would ring. If it was the school, I knew it was bad. If it was Tim, I wondered if he was calling me to tell me the school called him. For awhile I would get upset if he called me for a work question because I lived in fear that he was calling because he got called about Anna.
I fear even writing this, because surely my world will fall in around me just for writing it... but yesterday Anna celebrated getting her 15th (yes, 15!!!!) green ticket in a row. She has not only gotten green tickets, but has mostly come home with green tickets with a tootsie roll taped to it. "Green ticket with a tootsie-roll" means that you did not even have to be reminded once throughout the day about your behavior or how to treat people. This is the Anna that I KNEW was always there. I can't remember the last time Anna got two green ticket in a row let alone 15!!! Not only am I happy for me... it makes coming to work and having the phone ring a lot less stressful :) but I'm more happy for Anna. This is the child I'm sure she has wanted to be. You could see the frustration in her before. You could see her sadness in not being able to achieve like the others. She has a different "pep" in her step. Her smile is bigger, her eyes brighter, her laughter comes more readily - because she is not constantly suffering consequences.
I'm keeping a calendar of her progress - both in terms of behavior at school and in terms of any side effects of the medication that we notice. At first it was a decreased appetite, she was unable to sleep through the night and she was more weepy than I have ever seen her. These are for the most part gone though. The only thing that still remains is somewhat less of an appetite than she had before, but nothing to be concerned about.
It's actually interesting to see the things she gravitates to now... she is still a rough player. Anna has always been a kid that plays and plays hard. At the same time, she has colored me picture after picture. She has never been able to really sit still for extended periods and color a full picture. She would move onto something else half way through. Now, not only does she color a full picture in one sitting, but she might color more than one. She is also a great writer. She enjoys writing letters - I have so many little love notes from Anna saying "I luv you mom" (She sounds out love and to her it is spelled that way). She also just likes letter formation - she has sat down and copied parts of the bible... now what mother in their right mind would stop their child from doing that??? :) Copy away my dear Anna! Copy away.
One of her after school child care workers, I'll call her Ms. "H" - she'll know who she is if she reads this - is such the cheerleader for Anna. She has always loved my Anna, but she is quick to notice the difference in her as well. Every day I walk in, she tells me what an EXCELLENT day Anna has had. One day, I went to pick the kids up from school and Cameron want out to the car with Tim and I went and got Anna. She was in the office. I thought "oh no - this didn't last very long". She came skipping out of the office with Ms. H. Because she was having such a great behavior day, she was allowed to go to the child care office and help with some things in there. She was THRILLED. The smile on her face was huge. You could always see it on her face when her brother had the opportunity to do these things, but she never did. They got to put together snack bags for a special kids treat, or things like that - even things like putting announcements in envelopes for the parents. The kids who are behaving have an opportunity to help and they all enjoy that. Anna had her turn. All by herself and the smile on her beaming little face as she was skipping down the hall was priceless!
I worried about how the medication would change Anna's personality... would she just sit there and do nothing? Anna has always reminded me of a little hummingbird - flitting all over, bringing people joy wherever she went. (ok, when she was not misbehaving). But seriously, that was her personality. I did not want to see that changed, and thankfully, it has not. I really have not noticed anything, other than a less frustrated, more compliant child! Praise God for that!
On the adoption... no news. We've been waiting over three months now and anticipate waiting quite a bit longer. Wish I had more to share in that regard!
Thank you all again, for all of your support!
In Christ,
Charity
Friday, March 12, 2010
Answers - Warning... LONG!
Have you ever been waiting for answers? So anxious for the response that you are more concerned about getting some answers than the nature of the response? Well, that is where I have been.
Today, we have answers.
I have had you all praying for my Anna. She is my sweet child and I seriously could not imagine life without her. We have had some struggles with her though, and finally today, I think we have some answers. With answers seem to come more questions though... questions, doubt and regret. I'll explain it all.
Anna has been having some pretty big discipline issues at school. She has had them for several years. I have always known my Anna to be a strong-willed child, in fact I have said it on this blog many times. She is a very strong-willed child. But I have also known my Anna to be extremely sweet... willing to share anything she has, a leader amongst her friends and a very smart little girl. She is funny, and always ready with a smile. She is silly and giggly. She is also very active. Always on the go, ready to play anything from football, riding her bike, catch with her dad, playing on the trampoline - just a fun loving kid.
Her attitude at school for the past few years has startled me. First I thought it was just about her age. She would grow out of it. Then I thought I could work on her heart... memorize bible verses, etc. Well, it has been three years of working, behavior modification, trying new things, consequences, correction - and for me... tears, fear and worry. Well, finally after having tried everything else over the course of many years, we finally took Anna to the doctor where she was evaluated and diagnosed with ADHD.
If you don't believe in ADHD, please don't tell me about it. If you think I am a lazy mom who just needs to spend more time working with her child... please keep that comment to yourself. I have tried and tried with Anna. I'm not sure I believed in ADHD myself until I experienced this with Anna. I'm a chemist and I work for a pharmaceutical company... however, I seek God first. First needed to be the work on Anna's heart. I tried that. I have come to find out that ADHD is real, and in some cases, the child needs medical assistance. I'm not sure how I could have questioned ADHD but I did. I see Anna though and I see her struggle... I see her trying and being frustrated for not being able to get the green ticket in school she so desperately wants. I see her wanting to get the praise and recognition like the other children who are able to sit still and who do not talk out of turn. I also see the faces of the parents who have experienced Anna's misbehavior. It makes me sad to have anyone think anything but positive thoughts about my daughter. She is such a blessing to me and to our family.
Her doctor was wonderful in dealing with us. He answered all of my questions and believe me.... I had many. Initially we had to fill out multiple questionaires and so did individuals from the school. We had three different reports from the school along with my/Tim's evaluation and they all said nearly the exact same thing. The doctor had no question. It was clear to him what Anna's problem was. So, along with some coaching for us as her parents on how to assist her and make things easier for her, he started her on some medication. Now, I don't give my children medication easily. I need to be convinced that it is the right thing for them. But after three years of struggling and seeing as how a medical professional was in agreement, we are trying it. Not only that, but Anna has struggled enough. I understand it will take some time to evaluate the medication and the appropriate dosage for her, but we are willing to work though that to get Anna where she needs to be.
My regrets.... the past three years. I look back on all the times I have disciplined Anna or gave her consequences. She has several times even told me that she tried to do the right thing, but that she couldn't help it. I had to take that time though to make sure I wasn't just trying to fix the problem to make it easier for me by giving her medication. I needed to make sure I was doing the right thing for ANNA. Giving her medication is not the right thing until I'm sure I have exhausted all other options. It took me that long to get to this point.
My fear.... what would Anna have become in China? She would have been overlooked. She would have had no opportunity. She would have just been a "bad kid". Her potential would have been lost. Her chance at becoming successful... slim. I'm so thankful that my Anna is here with us and we went through this with her and have found a way to hopefully be able to help her. While it has truly been a struggle, she has been loved by us through the entire struggle. Every time I got a call at work to come to school, yes, it was frustrating and exhausing, but Anna is more important than my job. My daughter and helping her through this issue is more important. I am a mom before I am an employee. No offense to my work, but my family comes first. One day while we were struggling through this, and it had been an extremely difficult day, I took a step back... at this point in time I had considered the fact that Anna could have ADHD - we hadn't seeked a professional advice yet, but it was in the back of my mind. At that point, I decided, until I knew for sure what was going on, I had to give Anna the benefit of the doubt. Rather than going through the consequences again, I explained to her how her behavior was wrong and how she made a wrong choice (which I think remains important so not to give the child an excuse), but then I wrapped my arms around her and I told her that I truly believed that she wanted to do the right things. I asked her if that was true, and she said yes. I told her that no matter what it took, we would work together to get it figured out and I would do anything I could to help her make the right choices. She just melted in my arms. You would think that a 6 year old would not understand that, but she heard my words that what she did was wrong, but I was going to help her. She felt my love and I felt her trust.
I hesitated to even talk about this, because I really don't want anyone to think Anna is just a "bad kid". I also know that there are so many people who don't believe in ADHD... they really do think if a parent just took more of an active role in their children's lives, that they could work out the issue on their own. I felt somewhat like a failure as Anna's mom... first for waiting so long to take care of it (which the Dr. said they actually would not have addressed it sooner) and then for the years I made her live with it and the consequences that were given in trying to help her make right choices.
Medication is not the final answer. Anna will struggle constantly - well into adulthood with this issue. ADHD is not something that you grow out of, but it is something that as an adult (or older teen) you can learn to develop coping mechanisms. Anna will always be "disorganized". She will always have a purse full of little nonsense junk. She will always have to fight her tendency to "figet" and she will likely struggle with being talkative. But she will be fine. She will be successful. She is a smart little kid with SO much going for her.
THANK YOU GOD FOR GIVING ME ANNA. THANK YOU FOR ALLOWING ME THIS STRUGGLE AND NOT LETTING ANNA DEAL WITH IT ALONE. THANK YOU FOR MY DAUGHTER AND THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME WALK THROUGH THIS WITH HER. I LOVE HER DEARLY.
Thank you to all of you who have prayed with me through this. I do apprecaite it.
Small adoption update.... rumor has it that the laws in Ethiopia are changing and we will have to make TWO trips to Ethiopia once we get our referral... one for court and the other for the embassy appointment. Not the most ideal situation for us, but one we can manage. I think it is good for everyone involved to have it this way anyway. Now.... BRING ON THE REFERRAL!!!
In Christ,
Charity
Today, we have answers.
I have had you all praying for my Anna. She is my sweet child and I seriously could not imagine life without her. We have had some struggles with her though, and finally today, I think we have some answers. With answers seem to come more questions though... questions, doubt and regret. I'll explain it all.
Anna has been having some pretty big discipline issues at school. She has had them for several years. I have always known my Anna to be a strong-willed child, in fact I have said it on this blog many times. She is a very strong-willed child. But I have also known my Anna to be extremely sweet... willing to share anything she has, a leader amongst her friends and a very smart little girl. She is funny, and always ready with a smile. She is silly and giggly. She is also very active. Always on the go, ready to play anything from football, riding her bike, catch with her dad, playing on the trampoline - just a fun loving kid.
Her attitude at school for the past few years has startled me. First I thought it was just about her age. She would grow out of it. Then I thought I could work on her heart... memorize bible verses, etc. Well, it has been three years of working, behavior modification, trying new things, consequences, correction - and for me... tears, fear and worry. Well, finally after having tried everything else over the course of many years, we finally took Anna to the doctor where she was evaluated and diagnosed with ADHD.
If you don't believe in ADHD, please don't tell me about it. If you think I am a lazy mom who just needs to spend more time working with her child... please keep that comment to yourself. I have tried and tried with Anna. I'm not sure I believed in ADHD myself until I experienced this with Anna. I'm a chemist and I work for a pharmaceutical company... however, I seek God first. First needed to be the work on Anna's heart. I tried that. I have come to find out that ADHD is real, and in some cases, the child needs medical assistance. I'm not sure how I could have questioned ADHD but I did. I see Anna though and I see her struggle... I see her trying and being frustrated for not being able to get the green ticket in school she so desperately wants. I see her wanting to get the praise and recognition like the other children who are able to sit still and who do not talk out of turn. I also see the faces of the parents who have experienced Anna's misbehavior. It makes me sad to have anyone think anything but positive thoughts about my daughter. She is such a blessing to me and to our family.
Her doctor was wonderful in dealing with us. He answered all of my questions and believe me.... I had many. Initially we had to fill out multiple questionaires and so did individuals from the school. We had three different reports from the school along with my/Tim's evaluation and they all said nearly the exact same thing. The doctor had no question. It was clear to him what Anna's problem was. So, along with some coaching for us as her parents on how to assist her and make things easier for her, he started her on some medication. Now, I don't give my children medication easily. I need to be convinced that it is the right thing for them. But after three years of struggling and seeing as how a medical professional was in agreement, we are trying it. Not only that, but Anna has struggled enough. I understand it will take some time to evaluate the medication and the appropriate dosage for her, but we are willing to work though that to get Anna where she needs to be.
My regrets.... the past three years. I look back on all the times I have disciplined Anna or gave her consequences. She has several times even told me that she tried to do the right thing, but that she couldn't help it. I had to take that time though to make sure I wasn't just trying to fix the problem to make it easier for me by giving her medication. I needed to make sure I was doing the right thing for ANNA. Giving her medication is not the right thing until I'm sure I have exhausted all other options. It took me that long to get to this point.
My fear.... what would Anna have become in China? She would have been overlooked. She would have had no opportunity. She would have just been a "bad kid". Her potential would have been lost. Her chance at becoming successful... slim. I'm so thankful that my Anna is here with us and we went through this with her and have found a way to hopefully be able to help her. While it has truly been a struggle, she has been loved by us through the entire struggle. Every time I got a call at work to come to school, yes, it was frustrating and exhausing, but Anna is more important than my job. My daughter and helping her through this issue is more important. I am a mom before I am an employee. No offense to my work, but my family comes first. One day while we were struggling through this, and it had been an extremely difficult day, I took a step back... at this point in time I had considered the fact that Anna could have ADHD - we hadn't seeked a professional advice yet, but it was in the back of my mind. At that point, I decided, until I knew for sure what was going on, I had to give Anna the benefit of the doubt. Rather than going through the consequences again, I explained to her how her behavior was wrong and how she made a wrong choice (which I think remains important so not to give the child an excuse), but then I wrapped my arms around her and I told her that I truly believed that she wanted to do the right things. I asked her if that was true, and she said yes. I told her that no matter what it took, we would work together to get it figured out and I would do anything I could to help her make the right choices. She just melted in my arms. You would think that a 6 year old would not understand that, but she heard my words that what she did was wrong, but I was going to help her. She felt my love and I felt her trust.
I hesitated to even talk about this, because I really don't want anyone to think Anna is just a "bad kid". I also know that there are so many people who don't believe in ADHD... they really do think if a parent just took more of an active role in their children's lives, that they could work out the issue on their own. I felt somewhat like a failure as Anna's mom... first for waiting so long to take care of it (which the Dr. said they actually would not have addressed it sooner) and then for the years I made her live with it and the consequences that were given in trying to help her make right choices.
Medication is not the final answer. Anna will struggle constantly - well into adulthood with this issue. ADHD is not something that you grow out of, but it is something that as an adult (or older teen) you can learn to develop coping mechanisms. Anna will always be "disorganized". She will always have a purse full of little nonsense junk. She will always have to fight her tendency to "figet" and she will likely struggle with being talkative. But she will be fine. She will be successful. She is a smart little kid with SO much going for her.
THANK YOU GOD FOR GIVING ME ANNA. THANK YOU FOR ALLOWING ME THIS STRUGGLE AND NOT LETTING ANNA DEAL WITH IT ALONE. THANK YOU FOR MY DAUGHTER AND THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME WALK THROUGH THIS WITH HER. I LOVE HER DEARLY.
Thank you to all of you who have prayed with me through this. I do apprecaite it.
Small adoption update.... rumor has it that the laws in Ethiopia are changing and we will have to make TWO trips to Ethiopia once we get our referral... one for court and the other for the embassy appointment. Not the most ideal situation for us, but one we can manage. I think it is good for everyone involved to have it this way anyway. Now.... BRING ON THE REFERRAL!!!
In Christ,
Charity
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