We truly are a family redefined. We are husband, wife, son, daughter, step children, biological and adopted children and most importantly, Children of God.

A friend pointed out that I needed to update my blog header. After our adoption from Ethiopia, I had updated it stating how the adoption of Sara Joy completed our family. Well... the journey continues. After much prayer, we have decided to follow what we feel is God's calling for us...we went to Ghana with the intention of adopting a four year old girl, Isabella Hope. Little did we know that she would be the catalyst to bringing home not only her, but her half brother and sister. We will now be adding not only Isabella Hope to our family, but also Mary Grace (9) and Gilbert (6) who we will transition to the name Nathaniel Timothy. The shock is wearing off and the JOY and EXCITEMENT are overwhelming. Now truly, our family is complete. The great part of journeying with God, is that it's always an adventure. He knows where we are going, and for us it is all a marvelous surprise. Looking forward to sharing our family adventures as we walk daily through life and as we venture off to Ghana to bring home Mary, Nate and Isabella! It's always an adventure redefining our family!



Sunday, September 5, 2010

Desperate

I'm beginning to feel desperate.  I'm not sure why... maybe it's anxiety, maybe it's excitement - but it feels like desperate.  I'm getting desperate to meet my daughter.  It sounds odd, but I can't explain it any other way.  This weekend I spent a few days with my mom and we did some shopping to get some things that Tim and I needed for the trip to Ethiopia.  We are getting SO close.  As we were out shopping, I was fine.  My mind was occupied and I had things to get done.  Plus, my mom and I were just having a great time.  But at night, when we would settle in and watch some television together, or as we were talking over dinner... I'd get this strange pressure in my chest and my stomach would have almost like "butterfly" feelings in it... although they would have been some big, angry butterflies the way they were making my stomach feel.  Anyway, I wondered why I felt this way.

Yesterday I got a message from a friend in Ethiopia who works with the orphanage my daughter is in.  He gave me some insight into Sara's life and her little personality... and then he sent me a picture of her.  That same feeling came back.  It's a feeling of wanting to leave right then, ready or not, to get my daughter.  It's wondering how it is right that she is on the other side of the world completely oblivous to the fact that I will soon come to beg whoever I need to beg (I know, I don't have to beg, but I would) for them to allow me to be her mother.  It's looking forward to having my heart broken when I have to leave her after this trip - knowing that it brings me SO much closer to having her home with me.  It's the feeling of looking forward to court and hopefully leaving the room KNOWING she is FOREVER my little girl!!!

I also found out yesterday that we will meet Sara's biological mother in court.  I have mixed feelings about that.  Part of me wonders how I will look into her eyes, knowing I am leaving with her daughter.  I can imagine it will break her heart, and her heart broken will break mine.  I'm wondering how I will feel if she is NOT heart broken.  I'm not sure how that could be, but I'm not sure which would be worse.  I am glad that I will be able to tell Sara something about her mother, but wonder if that is the best thing for Sara.  Will I be angry because she left Sara?  I'm hoping I will be at peace knowing that this is working out for the best for our family, for Sara and for Sara's mother.  I hope when we leave I will know that she was wise in the decision she made to leave Sara with us, and I pray that she will know that we are the right family for this little girl.  It's all so hard.  This was not an issue in our adoption of Anna.  We had NO opportunity to meet Anna's mother, so it wasn't something I had to think about.  I always felt horrible knowing I would have nothing to tell Anna about her birth family.  Now that I have this opportunity, I'm not sure which situation is more difficult.  We'll see I guess.

I am SO thrilled about seeing my little girl though!!!  The excitement is building and like I said, the only word that comes close to describing it is "desperate". 

After my picture yesterday from Ethiopia, I came home today to an e-mail from a friend.  She was sent pictures of her little boy, and she shared those pictures with me.  In those pictures were my little Sara Joy as well as her son!  I was SO thrilled to see her interacting with other children!  It was great to see her!

I'm so looking forward to getting my arms around her!!!

In Christ,
Charity

3 comments:

Paula said...

I know exactly the feeling you are describing. I felt it myself during the five months it took us to pass court last year.

I think you will be glad that you were able to meet Sara's birth mother. I still have lots of unresolved feelings toward the twins' birth family; I really thing meeting them would bring a lot of understanding.

Heather said...

Yahooo! You'll be just fine. Grace for the moment, right when you need it!

Cameron and Megan said...

you're getting closer everyday!