24 hours from now, I will be on my way to the airport.... I know in my last post, I said that would probably be the last post in the good ole' US of A... that my next post would be after getting to meet Sara. I did however give myself an out - saying it would probably be the last post before Sara. Good thing I stuck that word in there. When I get nervous, anxious, excited... I write. So, here I am writing again!
This one is specifically for Sara. I want her to know how I am feeling when I'm so close to going to meet her for the very first time.
So, it's the day before travel day, and I'm scared. I stare at your picture on the computer screen. I have stared at your picture long and hard for over three months! You were just a picture then. Sure, I knew you were a child on the other side of the world, but for the past three months you could not materialize into anything more than a picture. I could not learn about your personality. I could not hold you in my arms. I couldn't spend time with you and know what made you happy, what made you smile, what made you sad.... I could only stare at your picture. You were really easy to care for on a computer screen as well. I didn't have to worry if I was interpreting your needs correctly. I didn't have to worry about whether or not you liked me, because quite honestly, you don't even know I exist. Even when I have you in my arms, you will not know the full extent of what I (we) mean to your life.
I'm so nervous about meeting you. You are such a beautiful little girl. I know I will fall in love with you immediately (if I haven't already) and that makes me nervous. I will only have four days with you and then I will have to leave you for a period of time. Part of me prays that you will not care when I leave. Part of me prays that you won't get attached - not like I will. You probably won't care when we leave. I will care. When they place you in my arms Monday (in just THREE days), my life will be forever changed. Lord willing, the courts will grant Tim and I to be your parents and I will be forever responsible for the care of you.
I can't wait to give you the world Sara. I hate that to give you the world, you had to lose so much. God had a plan for us though. I'm thankful that with the situation you are in, that He found a way for us to find each other. Adoption is a miracle. It's hard to believe that God found my daughter so far away from where we are now. But since He did, I take very seriously my responsibility to do my best to raise you.
I want to raise you to love the Lord Sara! I don't want to spoil you, but I want to give you opportunity to excel - to make your mark on this world. I want to raise you in a family that accepts others, that loves others, that serves others.
I don't know if you ever had anyone read you a bedtime story.... if not, you are in for something special. Your DAD is the expert on bedtime-story-reading. He and Anna read together almost every night. I can picture you and Anna snuggling up in your pajamas in bed and having your dad read you stories together. I picture you falling asleep before the story is even over and your dad gently picking you up and tucking you into your own bed. I can't wait! I can't wait to give you a bath and snuggle up with you - with your hair still wet and smelling so good!
I know that Cameron and Anna are looking forward to you coming home. Anna is really excited about having a sister. I think the two of you will be very close. Cameron is excited as well. Just make sure to stay out of his things :) That really bothers him about Anna! You have a great brother and sister waiting for you Sara Joy!
I can't wait to put a beautiful dress on you, do your hair up special, paint your fingernails and just make you feel like the special, beautiful little girl that you are. You will be a wonderful addition to our family. We have waited for you for so long, and now, the time is near for us to be together. I am so excited! I hope I can do things right. I hope I can make you feel loved from the very first time I meet you.
So, tomorrow we head out on our journey. I'm not looking forward to the long plane ride over, but it will bring us one step closer to bringing you home... and I am DYING to meet you!!! So excited for that!
I love you Sara Joy!