I've gone through this letter many, many times in my mind. I did the same thing when I was adopting Anna. I thought through all of the things I wish I could say to her. I never wrote it down with Anna though, and I wish that I had. So, lesson learned, I'm going to do that for Sara.
Someday you will be home with us, and the years will pass and you will be old enough to read this on your own. Until that time comes, I will share this dream, these thoughts with you as often as I can, as you go to sleep, as you eat, as we play. I will share with you just how much you are loved and how much you were loved, before we even knew who you were.
I was listening to a song the other day and in it it said how a child is loved and known before they are even born, before they ever "were", they are known and loved by God. Adoption is so much like that. I guess that is why it many times is used to represent God's love for us. We are adopted into his family. He loved us before we even become a part of His family. I bet He waits anxiously for us to accept Him and become part of His family. Just like we are anxiously awaiting the day you become part of our family. With adoption, you are loved before you are known. You are loved for the daughter you will become. You are loved for the person you are - without even knowing who that person is. You may even be loved before you are born. Sure, at that point in time, the parents are in love with an "idea", but that "idea" becomes a person, and for us, that person has become you. You are part of our family already. God left and prepared a place for us. We have a place prepared for you sweet Sara. I think that is what I will call you when you finally arrive. You will be my "Sweet Sara". I truly can not wait for you to get here!
Your dad and I have been waiting and wanting you for a very long time. I would like for you to know that adoption was never a "second chance or second choice" for us. Adoption has always been our first choice. When your dad and I were dating, I talked to him about adoption. I had already adopted your sister Anna, and I asked him if he felt he could adopt her and treat her as his own. He obviously said yes, or we would not be married. He did adopt Anna and he does love her as his own. I also talked to him about the possibility of adopting another child. We immediately started to the process to adopt again, as soon as we could after we were married.
God closed some adoption doors for us. At the time, I was very frustrated and discouraged. But that all changed when we decided that we would try to adopt a little girl from Ethiopia. God gave me peace in my heart. He gave me peace with the years and money wasted trying to adopt from other areas. He gave me peace with the time it was going to take to get you home. We had to start the process all over - but something about it was different this time. God, I believe, is involved in this adoption. Any time it takes to go through this process, I'm sure, is His timing. His timing will lead us to you sweet Sara. If it is quick, it is becuase you are already there, waiting for us. If it is slow, it is because maybe you are not even born yet. Who knows? GOD KNOWS!!! I'm counting on Him, because HIS timing is perfect.
It makes me sad, sweet Sara, to know that you will leave a place that you currently call home. It may not be, in my mind, an ideal home for you, but it is still your home. You are spending your time right now getting used to the smells, the sounds, the "feel" of Ethiopia. You are getting used to the taste of food from your home. I will take you from all of that, and I know it will bring a great deal of anxiety to you, and that truly makes me sad. I also know that someday you will realize that you suffered a loss. I'm grateful to know that at least I will be there to go through it with you. I surely won't understand, but I will be there for you. Your dad and I both will be. I know we can never replace the mother that God allowed to carry you, but we can become great parents to you. I hope the love of our family will somehow help soothe the loss in your life. I hope our love overwhelms you and covers you. I hope we make a difference for you.
We will never look the same physically, but you will always be our daughter. We didn't come from the same place, or experience the same things, but you will always be our family. I feel it already. God has plans for you sweet Sara, and I don't know what they are, but they must be great to bring you from all the way across the earth, into our home. We will teach you about the great God that brought this family together. We will teach you how you are ultimately HIS child and not ours. We are just entrusted with you for the time that you are here. Hopefully, during that time, we will have the opportunity to teach you about the God that loves you so much, and that we will be able to experience with you, accepting Christ into your heart. I'm not sure that there could be anything sweeter to a parent than that.
While you wait for us, sweet Sara, I hope that you are happy. I hope you are comfortable, healthy and warm, and that your belly is full. I hope that when you cry at night, that someone hears your cry and looks after you. I hope that when you are hungry you have someone to give you food. I hope that when you are tired, you have a soft, warm place to sleep. When you come home, your dad and I will give you all of these things and more. I will rock you when I feed you. I will give you warm baths and let you play in the tub. Dad tells real good bedtime stories (just ask Anna), so he will do that for you. Don't let him sing to you though, I will take care of that. Dad tries, but he's not the world's best singer :) I'm not either, but again, I try.... I can't wait to take you out in the warm sunshine and play with you in the grass. I can't wait for you to meet your brother and sister, and your step-brothers. I can't wait to take you to church. So many people there are already praying for you sweet Sara. They want you home quickly as well.
I want to brush your hair and make it so pretty. I wonder if you get bows in your hair now. I will put bows in your hair. You will have a closet full of pretty dresses. You will have your very own room - painted by me, with love, with only you in mind. You will have hugs - more than you can imagine. You will have kisses, more than you can count. When you cry at night, you will have a mom and dad to come and soothe you. When you fall and get hurt, we will be there to kiss it and make it better. We will wipe the tears from your eyes. We will never be able to make all of your hurts go away, but we will try with all we have to give you everything we can to make your life good. We will give you a good education, in hopes of a bright future for you. Most important, we will give you family. There is nothing more important than family - a family that includes God!
Your dad and I will do our best to teach you about the country you came from. Some day, we will return to Ethiopia with you. You will see the land you came from, the people who will I'm sure, be so much like you. You will no longer speak the same language and you will have different life experiences, but I'm sure you will sense a connection. I will stand back and watch you in your country, and be blessed that you were brought to us, to our home.
I'm bursting with excitment to get to the point where we know YOU! All in good time though. All in God's time. Until then Sara, I hope you are warm and comfortable. I hope you find things to giggle and coo at. I hope someone teaches you to clap and you enjoy it. I hope as you learn to walk (if you are that old) that you have someone's pinky's to wrap your small hands around while you learn. I hope someone finds time to snuggle precious you every once in awhile. I hope again that your belly if full and you are warm. I hope you learn the warmth of a hug and the look of love in someone's eyes. We can't wait to bring you home. You are loved!
Mom (desperately waiting for God to show us our daughter!)